Well — after I left Hollywood I took a j...

Well — after I left Hollywood I took a job on a ranch in Nevada. You’da been proud of me, Seymour. In bed every night at ten, up every morning at six. No liquor — no babes. I saved up two hundred bucks! I wish I had it, but I got rolled. Yeah, I was going to hitchhike to Texas to get in a big oil deal. I got as far as Phoenix when two babes pulled up in this big yellow convertible. And one of these dames slams on the brakes and hollers, “Get in, stud!” So I got in. Seymour, it was crazy. They had a shaker full of martinis right there in the car! And one of these babes was smokin’ the weed! Seymour, you wouldn’t believe it, the things those two babes started doin’ to me. Well, you know me, Seymour, I’m an agreeable guy. So when they parked in front of this tourist cabin, I said, “Okay, girls, if I gotta pay for the ride, this is the easiest way I know. But, gee, they must have thought I was Superman. Then I said, “Okay, girls, the party’s over. Let’s get goin’.” Then this dame on the weed, she sticks a gun in my back. She says, “This party’s going’ on till we say it’s over, Buck!” You’d thought she was Humphrey Bogart! Finally I passed out! And when I woke up, the dames was gone and so was my two hundred bucks! I went to the police and they wouldn’t believe me — they said my whole story was wishful thinking! How d’ya like that! Women are getting’ desperate, Seymour.

Inge, William. Four Plays. Grove Press, New York, NY. 1958. pp. 92-93.