I don’t know...Maybe it’s just me, but d...

I don’t know...Maybe it’s just me, but do you ever feel like you’re a walking Mary Jane joke? [...] You haven’t heard the Mary Jane jokes? Ok.

“Little Mary Jane is walking through the woods, when all of a sudden this man who was hiding behind a tree jumps out, rips open Mary Jane’s blouse, and plunges his hands on her breasts. And Little Mary Jane just laughed and laughed because she knew her money was in her shoes.”

[...] Well, don’t you ever feel...self-conscious? Like you’re being looked at all the time?

[...] Sometimes I feel like these alien life forces, these two mounds of flesh have grafted themselves onto my chest, and they’re using me until they can “propagate” and take over the world and they’ll just keep growing, with a mind of their own, until I collapse under their weight and they suck all the nourishment out of my body and I finally just waste away while they get bigger and bigger and---

Or maybe someone’s implanted radio transmitters in my chest at a frequency I can’t hear, that girls can’t detect, but they’re sending out these signals to men who get mesmerized, like sirens calling out to them to dash themselves on these “rocks.

Vogel, Paula. How I Learned to Drive, Dramatists Play Service, 1997, pp. 37-39.