It’s a dark day for all of us guys. Los...

It’s a dark day for all of us guys. Losing Marisa as an object of desire … it’s a real loss to all men pining after her everywhere. And it hurts. It really hurts.

What do you mean it doesn’t hurt me too? You think I’m not suffering? Suddenly you're acting like I’m not “one of the guys” just because my full name is Bernice. Did you just say because I don’t have a “ding-dong”?

You think a ding dong makes you a man? Look, I can drink you fools under the table, bench more on weights, and barbecue like nobody’s business. BBQ. I grill meats on my grill every weekend. I slather it with homemade sauce. Do they allow me to grill in the dorms? A man grills where he wants to grill.

Look, boys I need you to listen, and listen good. A man doesn’t need to have all that anatomical stuff to be a man. Man-ness is about grit and maturity and toughness. I may not have a ding-dong or balls, but I’ve got more cojones than you lot put together.

Now, let me show you sissies some Practical Magic. (Swings Marisa back and kisses her deep and long. Marisa's leg goes up.) That’s how a man kisses, boys! Hey Marisa, you can call me Bernice.

Sorry … sorry, Jill … just had to have a moment of glory. You guys are cute together. You two. Go! Go be happy.

But hey, Marisa. If anything ever changes. Call me.

Source page of author's site: Monologue Genie

Source page of author's site: Monologue Genie