Show Type
  • : 2
  • : 3
Age Ranges
  • Young Adult
England, 1890s
Act 1

Scene Context

In this highly comedic scene, Babbs is dressed up in women's clothes and has been convinced by Jack

Scene Text

AMY (coming down R. to LORD FANCOURT). May I arrange these for you, Donna Lucia?

(LORD FANCOURT takes flowers out of dress and hands her them.)

After all, you know, we have some nice weather sometimes in poor old England.

(Turns to CHARLEY, then joins KITTY at C. table. CHARLEY then goes L. of LORD FANCOURT.)

LORD FANCOURT (aside to JACK). What on earth does she mean by that?

JACK. Why, you're a foreigner.

LORD FANCOURT. A foreigner! What did you say my name was?

JACK. Donna Lucia d'Alvadorez.

LORD FANCOURT. What am I? Irish?

CHARLEY (L. side of him). No, English. Married a Portuguese abroad.

JACK. A widow.

CHARLEY. From Brazil.

JACK. And a millionaire.

LORD FANCOURT (to CHARLEY). I say, Charley, have I any children?

CHARLEY. No, you fool!

(CHARLEY. kicks chair as before. LORD FANCOURT hurriedly rubs leg as though hurt. BRASSETT enters with tray, places it on C. table arranges the luncheon things, standing C. below table, back to audience. KITTY and AMY help during following scene. BRASSETT also arranges three single chairs, two behind one end of table L.)

LORD FANCOURT. Well, one ought to know. That's all right. Now I can go ahead. Yes, it is wonderful weather, for England.

KITTY Yes it is.

KITTY and AMY (together, a little puzzled). Yes.

LORD FANCOURT (aside to JACK, rising). Shall I take them to see the chapel and the cloisters?

(JACK and CHARLEY pull him back violently in the chair.)

JACK. No; you leave that to me and Charley; we'll attend to them.

KITTY (coming down L. of table C. to LORD FANCOURT). Of course, Oxford is all very new to you, Donna Lucia, but it's a dear old place in any weather. Amy and I will show you all about.

LORD FANCOURT. I shall be delighted. (Rises.)

(They push him back as before.)

KITTY (to LORD FANCOURT again). You're staying till to-morrow, are you not?

LORD FANCOURT (aside to JACK). Am I staying until to-morrow?

JACK (quickly and rather loudly). No.

LORD FANCOURT (quickly and very loudly). No.

(The girls turn round in surprise.)

KITTY. Oh. (Returns to L. of table C., helps to lay lunch.)

AMY. Oh, but you will, you must! (To KITTY.) Mustn't she, Kitty?

CHARLEY (anxiously). I'm afraid auntie can't stay after to-day.

(KITTY joins AMY up C.)

LORD FANCOURT. No; you see, it's my washing day. (Crosses legs.)

(CHARLEY, who is standing L. of him, pushes LORD FANCOURT'S knee down again.)

CHARLEY (to girls, explaining). She has so much business ta attend to--in town. (Joins girls up R.C.)

JACK. Yes, lawyers, stocks--

LORD FANCOURT. Yes, stocks and socks (JACK punches him.) --all very important, you know.

(AMY comes down L. of LORD FANCOURT.)

AMY. Oh, I'm so sorry, we have so longed to know you.

LORD FANCOURT. Have you, my dear? (Takes AMY'S hand.)

AMY (standing by LORD FANCOURT). Mr. Wykeham has told us so much about you, that he has made us quite love you.

(KITTY sits R. corner of window seat. CHARLEY comes down behind AMY.)

LORD FANCOURT (slipping his L. arm round AMY'S waist). Has he, my dear?

(CHARLEY takes LORD FANCOURT'S arm away angrily. LORD FANCOURT replaces it, CHARLEY pulls it away again. AMY kneels. LORD FANCOURT slips his arm round her shoulders and gives her a quick little hng, and both the boys a look of triumph. CHARLEY furious, crosses to L.; goes up, knocks off cap from fignre [?] up L., returns down L. and sulks.)

AMY (kneeling by LORD FANCOURT). And he's so grateful; he says he owes everything to you and never could repay you, and oh, he is such a good, frank, upright man--it was noble of you!

LORD FANCOURT. Of course, my dear (taking his arm from round her,`quietly) it was only my duty to see after the welfare of my poor brother's...

JACk (aside to LORD FANCOURT, quickly). Sister's, you fool I...

LORD FANCOURT (to AMY, repeating). Sister's, you fool--(correcting himself) sister's (with aggressive look at JACK) and (to AMY) brother-in-law's orphan girl.

JACK (aside as before). Boy! Boy!

LORD FANCOURT (to AMY). Boy--boy! (Aside to JACK.) I'll say twins in a minute.

(BRASSETT, below table, back to audience, has during this scene been laying luncheon, now exits L.I.E.)

AMY. Yes, but it was so good of you to find out; you were so far away in a foreign land, and he might have been left to starve, or to fall into cruel hands. But you have a good, kind, affectionate nature

LORD FANCOURT. Have I, my dear?

AMY. Anyone can see it in your face.


AMY. I feel I could tell my whole heart to you! (Looks away to CHARLEY, L.)

JACK (to LORD FANCOURT, aside). Don't let her.

LORD FANCOURT (aside to JACK). I'm not going to. The dear little thing!

AMY (to LORD FANCOURT). You don't mind my talking to you like this, do you?

LORD FANCOURT. My dear, you are a very charming little girl, of whom I am sure I could soon grow very fond (Looks over AMY'S head at CHARLEY and waves, CHARLEY shakes fist at him.) And you must tell me all you like, some day, when you know me better.

(AMY again looks away to CHARLEY L.)

LORD FANCOURT.(Aside to JACK.) How the devil is that?

AMY. Oh, (rises) I feel I've known you years and years already.

(Kisses LORD FANCOURT and joins KITTY in window, sits L. corner. CHARLEY flies at LORD FANCOURT, pinching him viciously. JACK same. Business on other side, then both join girls at window.).

LORD FANCOURT (aside). They're jealous! I'm very sorry, but it was very nice.