Editor's Note: This is the original script, as shared by the author.
AN EMPTY DEPARTMENT STORE - MATTRESS DEPARTMENT
On a backdrop screen behind the actors there are images of beds.
An energetic woman in her 80s, SYLVIA, sits alone in the middle of a kingsized bed in an empty department store.
SYLVIA
Hello? Is anyone out there?
Sylvia, restless, stands up on the bed and yells again.
SYLVIA (CONT'D)
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here! Hello?!
Sylvia begins lightly jumping up and down on the bed.
SYLVIA (CONT'D)
Wow. Such a firm mattress. Very nice.
Sylvia beings jumping more enthusiastically on the bed.
SYLVIA (CONT'D) Oh my! I haven’t done this in decades! Weeeeeee!
A woman strict, no nonsense woman in her 20s, PURELL, shows up with a clipboard in hand.
PURELL
(dry) What fun.
Sylvia stops jumping, startled.
SYLVIA
Oh! You scared me. I thought I was alone.
PURELL
Yes we often think that, but it’s rarely the case.
SYLVIA
I don’t know what happened. One minute I was watching the news...
PURELL
Oh, the news! Such a panic right now.
SYLVIA
I know. It’s terrible!
PURELL
It’s unbelievable. Nothing like this has ever happened before.
SYLVIA
So strange.
PURELL
All at once.
SYLVIA
I thought it was a fluke, but we’re two weeks in and still...
PURELL
All of them, gone.
SYLVIA
No Netflix...
PURELL
No Amazon Prime, no Hulu...
SYLVIA
Even YouTube!
PURELL
All streaming services, down.
SYLVIA
Mass hysteria.
PURELL
A panic. But this moment will pass.
SYLVIA
I hope so.
PURELL
You were saying, you were watching the news...
SYLVIA
Ah, yes. I was watching the latest about the streaming drought... and then I drifted off to sleep. I was sleeping, dreaming peacefully and when I woke up, I was here in this empty department store.
Sylvia climbs off the bed and puts her hand out to shake.
SYLVIA (CONT'D)
I’m Sylvia, by the way.
Purell does not accept the hand.
PURELL
I know who you are. I’m sorry, I do not shake hands.
Purell bows dramatically.
SYLVIA
Oh, I get it. Germaphobic.
PURELL
Germ-aware.
SYLVIA
I see.
Sylvia bows.
SYLVIA (CONT'D)
Nice to meet you...
PURELL
Purell.
Sylvia cracks up.
PURELL (CONT'D)
Did I say something humorous?
SYLVIA
You’re named after a hand sanitizer and you don’t shake hands because of germs. Ironic, don’t you think?
PURELL
I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Sylvia rummages through her bag and pulls out a bottle of Purell and hands it to Purell.
SYLVIA
This.
Purell takes the bottle and studies it.
PURELL
Hmmm. Interesting.
Purell opens the bottle and begins drinking it.
SYLVIA
No! What are you doing?
Sylvia snatches the bottle back.
PURELL
Was that incorrect?
SYLVIA
Drinking hand sanitizer? Yes, I’d say that is incorrect. Why would you do that?
PURELL
It’s a liquid in a tiny bottle with my name on it.
SYLVIA
And?
PURELL
The last time I was on earth I was at a baby shower and we were given party favors with our names on the of tiny baby bottles with a liquid inside and we were instructed to drink it.
SYLVIA
Last time on earth? What are you talking about?
PURELL
It was delicious.
SYLVIA
Are you okay? Should I call someone? Where’s your phone?
PURELL
Mimosas.
SYLVIA
Excuse me?
PURELL
In the tiny bottles. They were mimosas.
SYLVIA
Okay, I’m not sure what’s going on here but this conversation is making me uncomfortable.
Purell hands the hand sanitizer back to Sylvia.
PURELL
Hand sanitizer? I don’t understand the necessity. Earth has water and soap. Just wash your hands.
SYLVIA
It’s about convenience.
PURELL
You’re right, laziness.
SYLVIA
No, I didn’t say that, I said...
PURELL
(quickly)
...In the interest of time I’ll get right to it: you’re dead, died in your sleep, lucky you, I’m an angel here to greet you and walk you towards the light so you can choose your next life and get on with things and speaking of getting on with things let us do that now because I am a very busy angel with many dead folks to deal with today.
Sylvia sits back down on the bed. She takes a moment to take in what she just heard.
SYLVIA
Dead? But... but, I feel so alive.
Purell laughs.
SYLVIA (CONT'D)
Did I say something humorous?
PURELL
Oh. I’m sorry. I thought we were laughing at irony.
SYLVIA
You’re an angel.
PURELL
Thank you.
SYLVIA
No, I mean, I’m asking you... are you an actual angel?
PURELL
Actually, yes, I am an actual angel.
SYLVIA
Wow.
PURELL Wow indeed. Now, let us get this party started.
Purell refers to her clipboard.
PURELL (CONT'D)
Introductions. Check. Informed of death. Check. Ah, yes... now we must discuss your final requests.
SYLVIA
Final requests? Isn’t it too late for that? I’m already dead.
PURELL
You can choose one person to reach out to in order to, how shall I say... wrap things up. What’s that word humans love so much...
SYLVIA
Closure?
PURELL
Yes! That’s the one! Let’s get you some closure up in here.
SYLVIA
So, I can talk to someone? Do you mean, like, haunt them?
PURELL
We don’t say haunt anymore. Too negative. We prefer, “otherworldly visit.” So, who’s it going to be?
SYLVIA
I’d love to see my daughter, Abby.
PURELL
Follow me to electronics.
Purell starts to walk and Sylvia follows. The backdrop changes from beds to images of flat screen TVs. The bed is gone and has been replaced by one large flat screen.
They are now in the electronics department.
Purell grabs a remote from her pocket and turns on the flatscreen.
Appearing on the screen is a middle aged woman sitting at her kitchen table drinking tea and crying.
SYLVIA
(watching the screen) Abby! No, please don’t cry. I’m okay.
PURELL
She can’t hear you.
SYLVIA
But you said I could visit.
PURELL
You can, but humans are very jumpy creatures. We must work in mysterious ways so we don’t startle them.
SYLVIA
Like what?
PURELL
Flick the lights, send a hummingbird or a butterfly, blow in her hair, there’s tons of things to choose from. Pick something you think she’d view as, you know, significant.
SYLVIA
A song.
PURELL
Perfect! She needs to be near a device that plays music.
They watch the screen.
SYLVIA
Alexa! It’s right there on the table.
PURELL
Okay, now, you will use your power of suggestion to get Abby to ask Alexa to play her a song.
SYLVIA
Shouldn’t I ask Alexa to play her a specific song?
PURELL
Yeah, I guess, if you want to take ALL THE FUN OUT OF THE MAGIC?!
SYLVIA
Okay, okay, relax, Purell. Sorry. So, what do I do?
PURELL
Focus.
SYLVIA
Okay. What do I make her do?
PURELL
Suggest. You can’t make her do anything. Humans have free will.
SYLVIA
Okay, what do I suggest?
PURELL
How about, wouldn’t it be so nice to hear a song right now?
SYLVIA
(to the screen) Abby, wouldn’t it be so nice to hear a song right now?
ON THE SCREEN:
Abby looks up like she heard something, but not exactly. She takes a sip of her tea, sighs and then says,
ABBY
Alexa, play me a song.
ALEXA
Now playing...Bobby McFerrin, Don’t Worry Be Happy.
Abby gasps. It’s a sign!
ABBY
Mom?
SYLVIA
(to Purell, touched) I used to sing her that song when she was sad.
Abby laughs happily and sings along with Bobby Mcferrin. Sylvia joins in.
SYLVIA AND ABBY
(singing)
Here's a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note... don't worry, be happy. In every life we have some trouble, but when you worry you make it double. Don't worry, be happy. Don't worry, be happy now.
The image on the screen of Abby singing begins to slowly fade out.
SYLVIA
No! Wait!
PURELL
It’s time.
The TV shuts off. Sylvia puts her hand to her mouth as if she’s about to burst into tears, but then, she doesn’t, which surprises her.
SYLVIA
I’m okay.
PURELL
Obvi.
SYLVIA
And Abby, she’ll be okay too.
PURELL
Yep. That’s how it works.
SYLVIA
Good. Now what?
Purell draws a flower on a piece of paper on her clipboard. Rips it off and hands it to Sylvia.
SYLVIA (CONT'D)
A flower?
PURELL
Did you know that mimosa isn’t just a drink served in tiny baby bottles? It’s also a flower that represents women’s day. An Italian woman, Teresa Mattei suggested to celebrate the first Women’s Day after the war by offering branches of mimosa to other women, as a sign of respect and support.
SYLVIA
Oh. Well, I respect and support you too, Purell. Thank you.
PURELL
You’re welcome.
The lights SUDDENLY shut off. They are standing in the dark.
PURELL (CONT'D)
Oh my.
SYLVIA
What happened?!
PURELL
The lights shut off.
SYLVIA
I got that much. But why?
PURELL
It’s easier to see the light in the darkness.
SYLVIA
That sounds like it’s supposed to mean something.
PURELL
Does it?
SYLVIA
You’re the angel! You tell me!
PURELL
Keep your eyes open.
SYLVIA
They are open but it’s dark!
PURELL
That’s exactly when you really need to keep them open.
Just then the TV comes back on. The “N” Netflix logo appears, shining it’s red light, making that Netflix start up sound.
SYLVIA
Netflix! It’s back!
PURELL
You see, I told you the mass panic would only be a moment. Walk towards it.
SYLVIA
Towards what?
PURELL
The N! It’s the light. Go!
Sylvia begins to walk towards the TV as if she is about to walk inside of the N of Netflix.
SYLVIA
What will happen to me?
PURELL
When you get to the other side you will choose your next life. Just remember to appreciate it and thoroughly enjoy it. And even when it sucks, be present for it. You don’t want to miss anything.
SYLVIA
I promise.
Sylvia is about to step into the TV.
PURELL
And Sylvia!
SYLVIA
Yes?
PURELL
The most important thing you must always remember...
SYLVIA
Yes?
PURELL
Wash your hands!
The N flickers for a moment and then BLACKOUT!
END OF PLAY
