START: Oh it’s all such a mess. Look at...

START: Oh it’s all such a mess. Look at this mess. My hair is a mess. My clothes are a mess.

I want to talk to you about life. It’s just too difficult to be alive, isn’t it, and try to function?

[...]

END: And the person fell to the ground, and looked totally startled, and some child nearby started to cry, and I was still crying, and I couldn’t imagine making use of the tuna fish now anyway, and so I shouted at the child to stop crying—I mean, it was drawing too much attention to me—and I ran out of the supermarket, and I thought, I’ll take a taxi to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, I need to be surrounded with culture right now, not tuna fish.

For full extended monologue, please refer to clips or the script edition cited here:
Durang, Christopher. Laughing Wild, Dramatists Play Service Inc. Acting Edition, 1996.