Archie is on stage, ready to perform his usual music hall act. His
Here, here! Here, I've just seen a man with a lemon stuck in his ear! A lemon stuck in his ear! So I went up to him, I said: ‘What are you doing with that lemon stuck in your ear?’ and he says: ‘Well, you know that man with a hearing aid—well, I'm the man with the lemonade.’ Thank you for that burst of heavy breathing. You should have heard what James Agate said about me!
And say: They made no fuss—
For this was their finest shower.
Yes, this was their finest shower!
Thank God we're normal, normal, normal,
Thank God we're normal,
Yes, this is our finest shower!
Osborne, John. Plays Two: the Entertainer, the Hotel in Amsterdam, West Of Suez and Time Present. London: Faber & Faber, 1998. Pp. 53-54.
More about this monologue