I discovered the most amazing thing, I

Paige Connor


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Age Range
Act One, Scene One
Time & Place
Saturday morning, Connor house,
Time Period
Show Type

Monologue Context

Paige Connor has spent the past three decades trapped in an abusive marriage to

Monologue Text

I discovered the most amazing thing, I. It used to be you could be a mediocre straight white man and be guaranteed a certain amount of success. But now you actually have to improve yourself. Because now… [in a mock horror movie trailer voice-over voice] the darkies have come. And the spics. And the queers. And those backstabbing bitches waiting to get at the mediocre straight white man the minute it becomes known he is barely lifting a finger but thinking he is lifting the world. [Normal voice] And when you left us, and I’m not blaming you for that -- God knows I’m not blaming you for leaving -- But when you left us, it got much worse. Your father, furious over his waning privilege, also lost a third of his family to take his fury out on. But it had to go somewhere, right? It was frothing up inside him. He started to get a constant white saliva stuck to the corners of his mouth. Pieces of his vitriol would spray all over his customers, who started calling in complaints about the racist plumber with the saliva who was sent to them by their trusted Roto-Rooter. He lost his job, I. He lost his job to a Chinese-American woman. A plumber who is a Chinese-American woman. It was fantastic. But bereft of you and his customers to spray his red-faced spittle on, he doubled down on Max and me. Three times I had to take Max to the emergency room. Three times, Isaac. But, the incredible thing is, little tomboy Maxine wouldn’t let her father stop her trajectory, so she gets herself some testosterone on the World Wide Web and starts to enlarge her clitoris. You don’t like that word, “clitoris”?

Mac, Taylor. Hir. Northwestern University Press, Evanston, IL. 2015. Pp. 17 - 18.