Start: I am applying for a job as an elf...

The Santaland Diaries

Crumpet

See more monologues from Joe Mantello David Sedaris


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Start: I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn’t even find work as an elf. That’s when you know you’re a failure.

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End: When it was my turn I explained that I wanted to be an elf because it was one of the most frightening career opportunities I had ever come across. The interviewer raised her face from my application and said, “And…?”

For full extended monologue, please refer to clips or the script edition cited here: Mantello, Joe, and Sedaris, David. The Santaland Diaries. Dramatists Play Service, New York, NY. 1998. pp. 10-11.

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