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Start: I am applying for a job as an elf...

Crumpet

The Santaland Diaries

Joe Mantello David Sedaris

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Character
Gender
Male
Playing Age
Adult
Style
Comedic
Act/Scene
Act One, Scene One
Time & Place
Macy’s Department Store, New York City, 1980s, 1990s,
Length
Long
Time Period
Contemporary
Show Type
Play
Age Guidance
Thirteen Plus (PG-13)

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Text

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Start: I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn’t even find work as an elf. That’s when you know you’re a failure.

[... ... ...]

End: When it was my turn I explained that I wanted to be an elf because it was one of the most frightening career opportunities I had ever come across. The interviewer raised her face from my application and said, “And…?”

For full extended monologue, please refer to clips or the script edition cited here: Mantello, Joe, and Sedaris, David. The Santaland Diaries. Dramatists Play Service, New York, NY. 1998. pp. 10-11.

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