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Start: Today I worked as an Exit Elf, te...

Crumpet

The Santaland Diaries

Joe Mantello David Sedaris

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Character
Gender
Male
Playing Age
Adult
Style
Comedic
Act/Scene
Act One, Scene One,
Time & Place
Macy’s Department Store, New York City, 1980s, 1990s
Length
Long
Time Period
Contemporary
Show Type
Play
Age Guidance
Thirteen Plus (PG-13)

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Start: Today I worked as an Exit Elf, telling people in a loud voice, “THIS WAY OUT OF SANTALAND.” A woman was standing at one of the cash registers paying for her pictures, while her son lay beneath her, kicking and heaving, having a tantrum.

[... ... ...]

End: I said, “He’s going to take your car and your furniture and all the towels and blankets and leave you with nothing.” The woman said, “No, that’s enough, really.”

For full extended monologue, please refer to clips or the script edition cited here: Mantello, Joe, and Sedaris, David. The Santaland Diaries. Dramatists Play Service, New York, NY. 1998. p. 28.

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