It’s hard you know. To trust someone. I’...

FINE

Lucy

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It’s hard you know. To trust someone. I’m not sure if I ever really have before... My mum used to be so different. It’s hard to remember but, I just get pictures sometimes. You know, when you get a picture in your head of something and you know it’s going to last your whole life? The first time I saw my mum with a black eye was one of those. She was making breakfast and she turned around and looked at me... and I just stared. It was as if I was staring through her eyes. Like there was nothing there. She just looked so old. And she looked at me for a second, but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to. I knew what she meant. And I swore to myself that I was never going to let that happen to me. I was never going to love someone that much that I let them do that to me. So I never have. And I never will. I don’t talk about my dad, because to me he’s not there. He only exists to me as this kind of blur – this huge figure that used to terrify us – until eventually he got bored and pissed off. When he went I was so happy. I thought everything was going to be so different. But it wasn’t. Because my mum took his place and I took hers.

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