A young engineer named Rob addresses a p...

A young engineer named Rob addresses a panel of scientists and investors to appeal for funding for a critical project ...

You study the behavior of convicted murderers, right? How many of them tell you that they were cuddling with an adorable puppy when they snapped? None, right?

So why don’t we lock them away with puppies? Yes, there might be a risk they would kill the puppies. But what if those puppies couldn’t be killed? What if I told you I had a way to engineer a puppy for both optimal cuteness and indestructibility?

I know, it sounds like sci-fi, but it’s not. In Japan, they already have adorable white robotic seals that bring joy to the elderly and infirm. Look it up, google robotic seals Japan!

What if we could engineer a totally lifelike, indestructible super puppy? I tell you it can be done, and you won’t know the difference between it and a standard puppy, except if you try to snap its neck its impossible.

Now, we take a room full of those puppies and we put the most hardened gang banger in there. At first they may try to kill the puppies. Sure, we’d expect that. That’s why its so important these puppies are indestructible. Soon, the murderer exhausted from the futility of trying to snap unbreakable puppy neck falls into a state of learned helplessness. They begin to cry in despair “Why, why can’t I kill these puppies! Why!?” At that moment they are vulnerable and our super puppies close in, licking and nuzzling and staring with their perfectly round adorable eyes. Their little puppy paws will be perfectly designed to hit ticklish spots and what is going to happen is those criminals will begin to giggle. And all the while these puppies will just keep coming and coming and coming at them with their relentless cuteness. And these puppies never get tired.

Imagine it, someone who has grown up in a violent landscape filled with conflict and abuse. Instead of putting them into a locked environment filled with more of that, what if we said “Put him in the Puppy Room!”

At first they might say “No, please, no, no … not the Puppy Room!” Because what self respecting hardened man or woman wants to commune with puppies. Cuteness is the enemy of toughness. But faced with this unbearable cuteness and incredible unflappable affection, their anger, their fear, their hate will be overwhelmed by love.

Yes, I have a dream of invincible super puppies. They will not just be cute and unkillable, a marvel of modern engineering, but they will lift humanity out of the darkness.

Now … Who among you is going to fund my research?!

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