So, I met this guy. Arthur. He was cute....

So, I met this guy. Arthur. He was cute. He remembered my name- and my drink order- at Bryn’s birthday party. At the end of the night, I wrote my number on my receipt. He was very sweet, and kind, and sexy, and smart. And we had so much fun together. But even the sh#tty times- I remember I was having a particularly bad time after I didn’t get into grad school; I couldn’t get out of bed for three days. Arthur showed up and he took me on a walk. And he made me feel okay. And he listened. And he helped me cope. And we became closer, for a while. But I think we were too different to stay together. I know that now. At the time, it just hurt. When he ended things- I didn’t handle it well.

[...]

There were a lot of things. I missed him. I did. But it wasn’t just him. It wasn’t just any one thing. It was all of it. School. (she turns to CARTER) and the whole thing with you and Dad. And the company. I really felt like we failed when we let if fall apart. And it felt like I couldn’t do anything right. I felt unlovable. I just wanted all of that to go away.

[Beat.]

And so I tried to do that. I took enough, and I sat and waited. And in that moment, I realized something. I was sitting on top of my made bed, in what I thought were the last moments of my life. And my memories didn’t come rushing in. I didn’t relive all of my most important moments. I didn’t feel peaceful. I just kept thinking, over and over, three words: “Nobody Loves You.” And I thought of you two. And I thought of this f#&king ceremony. So that is my new rule: today is the last Love Funeral. Ever.