The Little Dog Laughed

The beginning. Well, beginnings are alwa


The Little Dog Laughed

See more monologues from Douglas Carter Beane


Age Range
Act I
Time & Place
New York City, present
Time Period
Show Type

Monologue Context

Diane is the high-profile agent of a high-profile movie star client, who has a

Monologue Text

The beginning. Well, beginnings are always beautiful. Beginnings are-- OK-- do you know Breakfast at Tiffany's? The film, not the novella. I know, there's a novella, who knew? The beginning. Audrey Hepburn, the most beautiful person ever. Gets out of the cab. In Givenchy. Quadruple strand of pearls. And she walks to a window of Tiffany's. Again with the beautiful. And then the melody "Moon River" wafts in. Start with me. The beauty quotient is excessively high. Then beautiful Audrey Hepburn is sneaking into her Upper East Side townhouse away from the not-so beautiful older man, but the running away part is beautiful. And then. But then. Then the unspeakable happens. Mickey Rooney. Mickey Rooney in full-on novelty Hirohito glasses and buck teeth and-- (She imitates Mickey Rooney's Asian acting.) "Missy Goritry!!! I must plotest!!!" (Back to her own voice.) And we can never recover. She can gab on and about the mean reds and the cat not having a name, but. Sorry. It's too late. The beginning has been irrevocably ruined. But I digress. We're in New York, which we of Los Angeles love, accepting awards from critics, which we love even more so. My client, a rising young movie star who suffers from a slight... recurring case of homosexuality, informs me-- that as his date, are you possibly seated for this? As his date to this award ceremony, he would like to bring his mother. So that no one will know that he's gay? ...

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