Okay... the story... as it happened... o...

Okay... the story... as it happened... oh, God... Well... At exactly six o'clock tonight I came home from work. My wife, Myra, was in her dressing room getting dressed for the party. I got a bottle of champagne from the refrigerator and headed upstairs. Rosita, the Spanish cook, was in the kitchen with Ramona, her Spanish sister and Romero, her Spanish son. They were preparing an Italian dinner. As I climbed the stairs, I said to myself, “It's my tenth wedding anniversary and I can't believe I still love my wife so much.” Myra was putting on the perfume I bought her for Christmas. I purposely buy it because it drives me crazy... I tapped on her door. She opens it. I hand her a glass of champagne. I make a toast. “To the most beautiful wife a man ever had for ten years.” She says, “To the best man and the best ten years a beautiful wife ever had”... We drink. We kiss. We toast ... We drink. We kiss. We toast again... By seven o'clock the bottle is finished, my wife is sloshed and I'm completely toast... And then I smell the perfume. The perfume I could never resist... I loved her in that moment with as much passion and ardor as the night we were first newlyweds. It's now eight o'clock and outside it's grown dark. Suddenly, a gentle knock on the door. The door opens and a strange young man looks down at us with a knife in his hands. Myra screams. (He begins to act out story.) I jump up and run for the gun in my drawer. Myra grabs a towel and shields herself. I rush back in with the pistol, ready to save my wife's life. The strange young man says in Spanish, “Yo quito se dablo enchilada por quesa in quinto minuto.” But I don't speak Spanish and I never saw our maid Rosita's son, Romero before, and I didn't know the knife was to cut up the salad and he was asking should they heat up dinner now? So I aimed my gun at him, Myra screams and pulls my arm. The gun goes off and shoots me in the earlobe.

Simon, Neil. Rumors Samuel French Acting Edition, pp.82-3.