MEREDITH Oh! Madam Ridley! You’ve frigh...

MEREDITH Oh! Madam Ridley! You’ve frightened me half to death!

JOAN I’m sorry.

MEREDITH Oh, no. All is forgiven. Hopefully, next time it will kill me.

JOAN Hopefully, not.

MEREDITH I didn’t know that you were stepping out today. How are you feeling?

JOAN Like any other day if the next day is like the other.

MEREDITH That doesn’t seem so good. Maybe you should rest. I can run you a hot bath.

JOAN No. The cold water has brought me back to life. I’ve rested enough. I couldn’t stand being in that room much longer. Has Master Ridley returned?

MEREDITH Not yet but he is set to arrive this evening.

JOAN Good. I want a feast to be prepared for his return.

MEREDITH It’s already in preparation, ma’am. Theodore got word from town that Master Ridley requested one. He says he has a surprise for you.

JOAN I’m in no mood for surprises right now.

MEREDITH I see.

(Meredith studies Joan’s body language. It is sluggish and weak. She looks as if she has no business standing about.)

MEREDITH Would you like something to eat, Ma’am? I can prepare you something.

JOAN I don’t have the appetite. I will eat when Peter gets here. For now, I should help prepare for his arrival.

MEREDITH It is no need. We are all capable of getting things ready. The work is too strenuous for you right now.

JOAN I disagree. It should allow me to get my bearings.

MEREDITH Do you need anything, ma’am?

JOAN I need to get back to me. I think some work in the garden will do me some good. But it seems as if the fog hasn’t lifted. This isolation is killing me. I wish to go into town, but I don’t think I can bare it. All those wondering and wandering eyes. It’s a small step but gardening should be good enough.

MEREDITH Are you sure? I could have Theodore look into it.

JOAN I can’t stand being in that room. That prison isn’t so attractive either. I feel like I’ve been enveloped into its cover. I can’t seem to break free from it. But I have a duty to keep this home, Meredith.

MEREDITH Of course. Well, I leave you to it.

JOAN Tell me something, Meredith.

MEREDITH Yes, ma’am?

JOAN Did you see it?

MEREDITH Ma’am?

JOAN The baby? Did you see it?

MEREDITH Oh, I apologize for my ignorance. I did see the little one. She was beautiful.

JOAN She?

MEREDITH Oh, I shouldn’t have --

JOAN No. It’s okay. She? She was beautiful?

MEREDITH Yes, ma’am. She favored you. Despite all what everyone knew in the room, it was as if she was sleeping. A sleeping beauty. God rest her soul.

JOAN God? I prayed that he took me instead. I’m just so sick of it all.

MEREDITH I understand, ma’am.

JOAN How could you? The lord has blessed you with enough children to fill a village.

MEREDITH I had lost two before I had my Jon Nathan. One that died during birth and another that died a week after. It was a different time then. Now, there is so much to know about pregnancies that we didn’t know about. I couldn’t have been more than thirteen when I first got pregnant.

JOAN A child yourself. How did you cope?

MEREDITH The world just kept moving on for people like me. I kept myself busy with work and let nature take its course. In a blink of an eye, I had seven children after.

JOAN What kills me is that we were so close. I felt every kick. I hoped and prayed to covet it into my arms. It’s warm nestle against me. I should have held her.

MEREDITH We almost lost you, Madam. You didn’t have much of a choice.

JOAN I didn’t even see her. I don’t understand life anymore. I don’t understand anything anymore. Things have changed so much. Peter is so distant now. He never even said goodbye. I don’t know what he wants anymore.

MEREDITH These things are as challenging for the man as it is for the women.

JOAN I doubt that. If so, it wouldn’t be so easy to run away when things get hard. We are left carrying the burden while they get ready to get their fill to start the process all over again. To be honest, I don’t know if I can go through it again. Four times it too much to handle when all it results to is failure.

MEREDITH You did not fail, Ma’am. It is so as God see it. If you are to have a child, he will make it so.

JOAN And if he doesn’t. What will become of my existence? I will die in this place alone with no one to love me. Not even my own husband.

MEREDITH He loves you, ma’am.

JOAN He pities me.

MEREDITH What can make you say a thing like that?

JOAN I can see it in his eyes. It’s embarrassing. The one thing that women can contribute to this world, I cannot.

MEREDITH You should not think like this. Thoughts like this will destroy you. No wonder you look like this.

JOAN I look sick to you? Is that what you’re suggesting?!

MEREDITH I didn’t mean to talk out of turn. It’s just --

JOAN It’s not out of turn. It’s correct. I am sick. I am demonized. I just wanted someone to say what I’ve been thinking for a while. My thoughts have corrupted my soul and retched my womb. I don’t even know how to feel happy anymore. How can one feel happiness when they are so empty?

MEREDITH Madam, please, let me bring you back to your chambers. You really need to rest.

JOAN And be stuck into that everlasting dread that has been plaguing me? I think not. Today is a new day. Also, I have my husband’s arrival to look forward to, so I have to tend to my duties as do you.

MEREDITH Yes, Ma’am. I will be in the dining hall if you need me.

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