Bedroom. SONYA lies in the bed. We hear...

Bedroom. SONYA lies in the bed. We hear the loud flushing of a toilet off.

DOUGLAS enters, wrapping a towel around him.

DOUG: That was incredible.

SONYA: It was – until you just ruined it.

SONYA GETS OUT OF BED. SHE STARTS GETTING DRESSED.

DOUG: Hold on. What did I do?

SONYA: That.

DOUG: Getting out of bed. But I had to –

SONYA: Just now.

DOUG: Get rid of the …

SONYA: What you just did.

DOUG: I came too early? But I thought you had already come.

SONYA: I had come. Twice.

DOUG: Then what is it?

SONYA: You know what.

DOUG: (TRYING TO KISS HER) Come on baby. Tell me.

SONYA: (PUSHING HIM AWAY) I shouldn’t have to tell you.

DOUG: We made love, which was good, very good, great, amazingly great and you came – twice - which was good, very good, great and I came, which was fantastic, amazingly fantastic, and then I got out of bed, which was okay, and I went in to the bathroom, which was okay, to get rid of the condom and then I got rid of the condom and then I came back in here and now you’re freaking out.

SONYA: You just said it?

DOUG: Bathroom?

SONYA: After that.

DOUG: Freaking out?

SONYA: Before that.

DOUG: After bathroom – before freaking out. The condom. It was the condom. But I thought you liked those ones, with the bumpy bits so you -

SONYA: It wasn’t the condom. The condom was fine.

DOUG: Then what was it?

SONYA: What you did with it. Afterwards.

DOUG: I got rid of it.

SONYA: But how did you get rid of it?

DOUG: I …

SONYA: You flushed it. You flushed the condom. After all we’ve talked about.

DOUG: No, I didn’t. I definitely did not flush the condom.

SONYA: I distinctly heard the toilet flush.

DOUG: But that wasn’t me. I mean it was me but it wasn’t the condom. I used the toilet.

SONYA: I didn’t hear anything.

DOUG: Number 2. Very silent number 2.

SONYA: Very quick as well. Where did you do with the condom then?

DOUG: I put it in the bin. I wrapped it in the recycled toilet paper – exactly as you told me - and put it in the bin.

SONYA: Great. You won’t mind getting the bin for me then.

DOUG: Why?

SONYA: I just want to check.

DOUG: Check? I don’t believe it. You don’t trust me now? You’re calling me a liar?

SONYA: If you didn’t flush the condom you won’t mind me checking.

DOUG: My word should be enough. You shouldn’t need to check.

SONYA: You flushed the condom.

DOUG: I did! I mean - I didn’t!

SONYA: (HEADING TOWARDS THE BATHROOM) Alright, then you won’t mind if I check.

DOUG: I didn’t put it in that bin.

SONYA: Where did you put it then?

DOUG: In the kitchen bin.

SONYA: I didn’t hear you go into the kitchen.

DOUG: I did it really fast. So I could get back to you really fast.

SONYA: At the same time as you were doing a really fast number 2.

DOUG: After that. And then I went back into the bathroom – to wash my hands – before coming back in here from the bathroom.

SONYA: (HEADING TOWARDS THE KITCHEN) Then you won’t mind if I check the kitchen.

DOUG: It’s not in there!

SONYA: You just said it was.

DOUG: It’s not.

SONYA: Where is it then?

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