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The Man has brought his new girlfriend to his remote cabin above the river. They went out fishing on a moonless night to catch some sea trout but he lost her in the darkness. In a panic, he rings the police to report her missing. However, the Other Woman soon appears. She got bored and wandered off, much to the Man’s frustration. She continues to annoy him when she reveals that she made friends with a local poacher, who helped her catch a huge fish with the help of a pickled onion flavor
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START: THE MAN. Hello. Hello? (Looks at his phone. Bad signal. Shakes it. Finds a place to stand where it works. Dials again.) Hello? Police. Someone is missing. A woman. She went to the river. We were fishing. There’s no moon. I lost her. In the dark. Hello? (Looks at it.) F#ck. (Rage.) F#ck it. (Bangs it on the table. Puts it to his ear.) Hello? (Beat.) Yes. Hello? Hello? Who’s – ? Who are – ? I was talking to a woman. A police…
[... …]
END: THE OTHER WOMAN. Thank you.
THE MAN. What for?
THE OTHER WOMAN. For calling the police. I like that you did that.
THE MAN. Why?
THE OTHER WOMAN. Because it means you were scared. I find that incredibly sexy. Were you really scared? Pause.
THE MAN. I was terrified.
Jez Butterworth, The River, NHB Modern Plays, electronic edition, 2012, pp.19-29.
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