Overview
- Female: 1
- Male: 1
Context
The somewhat too carefree Sir Charles Easy has been having an affair with Lady Graveairs, and is concerned that his wife, Lady Easy, may have found out about it. He comes upon her in her drawing room, and uses a bit of flattery to see how much she knows about his various dalliances. Lady Easy is well aware of her husband’s mistresses, but she has resolved to reign in her jealousy, and not confront her husband. Rather, she tries to shame him into confessing by acting the part of the perfect,
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ENTER Lady Easy
Sir Char. My dear, how do you do? You are dress’d very early today, are you going out?
L. Easy. Only to church, my dear.
Sir Char. Is it so late then?
L. Easy. The bell has just rung.
Sir Char. Well, child, how does the Windsor air agree with you? Do you find yourself any better yet? Or have you a mind to go to London again?
L. Easy. No, indeed, my dear; the air’s so very pleasant, that if it were a place of less company, I could be content to end my days here.
Sir Char. Prithee, my dear, what sort of company would most please you?
L. Easy. When business would permit it, yours; and in your absence, a sincere friend, that were truly happy in an honest husband, to sit a cheerful hour, and talk in mutual praise of our condition.
Sir Char. Are you really very happy, my dear?
L. Easy. Why should you question it? [smiling on him]
Sir Char. Because I fancy I am not so good to you as I should be.
L. Easy. Pfhah!
Sir Char. Nay, the deuce take me if I don’t really confess myself so bad, that I have often wonder’d how any woman of your sense, rank, and person could think it worth her while to have so many useless good qualities.
L. Easy. Fy, my dear.
Sir Char. By my soul, I’m serious.
L. Easy. I can’t boast of my good qualities, nor if I could, do I believe you think them useless.
Sir Char. Nay, I submit to you -- don’t you find ‘em so? Do you perceive that I am one tittle the better husband for your being a good wife?
L. Easy. Pfhah! You jest with me.
Sir Char. Upon my life, I don’t -- Tell me truly, was you never jealous of me?
L. Easy. Did I ever give you any sign of it?
Sir Char. Um -- that’s true -- but do you really think I never gave you occasion?
L. Easy. Thats an odd question -- but suppose you had?
Sir Char. Why then, what god has your virtue done you, since all the good qualities of it could not keep me to yourself?
L. Easy. What occasion have you given me to suppose I have not kept you to myself?
Sir Char. I given you occasion? -- Fy! My ear -- you may be sure -- I -- look you, that is not the thing but still a -- (death, what a blunder have I made) -- a still, I say, madam, you shan’t make me believe you have never been jealous of me; not that you ever had any real cause, but I know women of your principles have more pride than those that have no principles at all; and where there is pride there must be some jealousy -- so that if you are jealous, my dear, you know you wrong me, and --
L. Easy. Why then, upon my word, my dear, I don’t know that I ever wrong’d you that way in my life.
Sir Char. But suppose I had given a real cause to be jealous, how would you do then?
L. Easy. It must be a very substantial one that makes me jealous.
Sir Char. Say it were a substantial one -- suppose now I were well with a woman of your own acquaintance, that under pretence of frequent visits to you, should only come to carry on an affair with me -- suppose now my Lady Graveairs and I were great --
L. Easy. [aside] Would I could not suppose it!
Sir Char. [aside] If I come off here, I believe I am pretty safe -- suppose, I say, my lady and I were so very familiar, that not only yourself, but half the town should see it?
L. Easy. Then I should cry myself sick in some dark closet, and forget my tears when you spoke kindly to me.
Sir Char. [aside] The most convenient piece of virtue sure that ever wife was mistress of!
L. Easy. But pray, my dear, did you ever think that I had any ill thoughts of my Lady Graveairs?
Sir Char. O fy! Child; only you know she and I us’d to be a little free sometimes, so I has a mind to see if you thought there was any harm in it: but since I find you very easy in it, I think myself oblig’d to tell you, that upon my soul, my dear, I have so little regard for her person, that the deuce take me, if I would not as soon have an affair with thy woman.
L. Easy. Indeed, my dear, I should as soon suspect you with one as t’other.
Sir Char. Poor dear -- should’st thou -- give me a kiss.
L. Easy. Pfhah! You don’t care to kiss me.
Sir Char. By my soul I do -- I wish I may die if I don’t think you a very fine woman.
L. Easy. I only wish you’d think me a good wife. [he kisses her] But pray, my dear, what has made you so strangely inquisitive?
Sir Char. Inquisitive! -- Why -- a -- I don’t know, one’s always saying one foolish thing or another -- [singing and walking] Toll le roll --- My dear, What! Are we never to have a ball here? Toll le roll. I fancy I could recover my dancing again, if I would but practice it. Toll, loll, loll!
EXIT Sir Charles.
L. Easy. This excess of carelessness to me excuses half his vices: If I can make him once think seriously -- time yet may be my friend.
Cibber, Colley. The Careless Husband. Act 1.
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