Enter Tim and Tutor. TIM Negatur arg...

Enter Tim and Tutor.

TIM Negatur argumentum, tutor.

TUTOR Probo tibi, pupil, stultus non est animal rationale.

TIM Falleris sane.

TUTOR Quaeso ut taceas; probo tibi.

TIM Quomodo probas, domine?

TUTOR Stultus non habet rationem, ergo non est animal rationale.

TIM Sic argumentaris, domine: stultus non habet rationem, ergo non est animal rationale. Negatur argumentum again, tutor.

TUTOR Argumentum iterum probo tibi, domine: qui non participat de ratione nullo modo potest vocari rationalibus, but stultus non participat de ratione, ergo stultus nullo modo potest dicere rationali.

TIM Participat.

TUTOR Sic disputus, qui participat quomodo participate.

TIM Ut homo; probabo tibi in syllogismo.

TUTOR Hunc proba.

TIM Sic probo, domine: stultus est homo sicut tu et ego sum; homo est animal rationale, sicut stultus est animal rationale.

Enter Maudlin.

MAUDLIN Here's nothing but disputing all the day long with 'em.

TUTOR Sic disputus, stultus est homo sicut tu et ego sum; homo est animal rationale, sicut stultus est animal rationale.

MAUDLIN Your reasons are both good, whate'er they be; Pray give them o'er, faith, you'll tire yourselves, What's the matter between you?

TIM Nothing but reasoning about a fool, mother.

MAUDLIN About a fool, son? Alas, what need you trouble your heads about that, none of us all but knows what a fool is.

TIM Why, what's a fool, mother? I come to you now.

MAUDLIN Why, one that's married before he has wit.

TIM 'Tis pretty, i'faith, and well guessed of a woman never brought up at the university: but bring forth what fool you will, mother, I'll prove him to be as reasonable a creature, as myself or my tutor here.

MAUDLIN Fie, 'tis impossible.

TUTOR Nay, he shall do't, forsooth.

TIM 'Tis the easiest thing to prove a fool by logic, By logic I'll prove anything.

MAUDLIN What thou wilt not?

TIM I'll prove a whore to be an honest woman.

MAUDLIN Nay, by my faith, she must prove that herself, Or logic will never do't.

TIM 'Twill do't, I tell you.

MAUDLIN Some in this street would give a thousand pounds That you could prove their wives so.

TIM Faith, I can, And all their daughters, too, though they had three bastards. When comes your tailor hither?

MAUDLIN Why, what of him?

TIM By logic I'll prove him to be a man, Let him come when he will.

MAUDLIN How hard at first was learning to him? Truly, sir, I thought he would never a took the Latin tongue. How many accidences do you think he wore out ere he came to his grammar?

TUTOR Some three or four.

MAUDLIN Believe me, sir, some four and thirty.

TIM Pish, I made haberdins of 'em in church porches.

MAUDLIN He was eight years in his grammar, and stuck horribly at a foolish place there called as in presenti.

TIM Pox, I have it here now.

MAUDLIN He so shamed me once before an honest gentleman that knew me when I was a maid.

TIM These women must have all out.

MAUDLIN Quid est grammatica? says the gentleman to him−−I shall remember by a sweet, sweet token−−but nothing could he answer.

TUTOR How now, pupil, ha, quid est grammatica?

TIM Grammatica? Ha, ha, ha.

MAUDLIN Nay, do not laugh, son, but let me hear you say it now: there was one word went so prettily off the gentleman's tongue, I shall remember it the longest day of my life.

TUTOR Come, quid est grammatica?

TIM Are you not ashamed, tutor? Grammatica? Why, recte scribendi atque loquendi ars, sir−reverence of my mother.

MAUDLIN That was it, i'faith: why now, son, I see you are a deep scholar; and master tutor, a word, I pray, let us withdraw a little into my husband's chamber. I'll send in the North Wales gentlewoman to him, she looks for wooing: I'll put together both, and lock the door.

TUTOR I give great approbation to your conclusion.

Exit [with Maudlin].

[For full text, see A Chaste Maid in Cheapside]

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