Start: Maria: It would please me very mu...

Start: Maria: It would please me very much if you gave that young man up as a friend.

Richard: He’s not a bad fellow, he’s just a little…

Maria: I should like to think that you have given him up.

Richard: I see your point.

Maria: I have a telegram. The servants are unable to come.

Richard: Oh. Why?

Maria: He sent me an extremely rude telegram refusing.

Richard: The brutes. No matter. If you’ll allow me to, I’ll continue to do my best while you’re here.

Maria: Thank you Richard, very kind of you. Although we’ve only been here for three weeks I want to tell you something.

Richard: It’s alright Maria, I know.

Maria: How do you know? Would you please be silent while I speak? What I have to say is a little embarrassing and you might realize it.

Richard: Yes I know, and I’m sorry.

Maria: I brought you here for the purpose of finding out, as you know, that if we married, would there be a chance of us both being happy.

Richard: Yes, quite. Now I would like to say…

Maria: Would you please be quiet? When I left London I liked you very much. I almost believed that you possessed qualities that would endear yourself to me.

Richard: I know.

Maria: But I had no idea, RIchard, how nice you really are.

Richard: What did you say?

Maria: What I was going to say when you interrupted me was that you are a thousand times nicer than I thought you were.

Richard: Now one minute…

Maria: And would you please give me one minute whilst I finish what I was going to say?

Richard: Go on.

Maria: And I’m not only going to marry you…

Richard: What?!

Maria: Stop interrupting, you’re irritating me very much. But to prove to you how much I trust you, I’m going to settle five thousand pounds a year on you for life. Are you pleased?

Richard: Pleased? I’m delighted. And I thought I’d been irritating you to death all this time. I almost believed that you disliked me. You have no idea how miserable I’ve been.

Maria: Why?

Richard: Well you were so intolerant, so horrid to me.

Maria: Horrid to you what are you talking about? I’ve never been so nice to anyone in my life before.

Richard: Oh now let’s sort this out. You know you did everything you could to provoke me to see if I was bad-tempered or not.

Maria: What do you mean? You know I would never descend to anything so mean.

Richard: Oh nonsense, you know you did. You used to nag the life out of me. See if I’d answer you back. And a thousand other things you did.

Maria: What are you talking about?

Richard: Maria…you don’t mean to say that this has been really you all the time?

Maria: Of course, are you mad Richard?

Richard: Then this is how you’d been if we were really married?

Maria: Of course.

Richard: Heavens be praised.

Maria: What for?

Richard: How much did you say you’d settle on me Maria?

Maria: Five thousand a year.

Richard: My income is three hundred a year and I know what it is to feel a millionaire.

Maria: Are you insulting me Richard?

Richard: How long did your late husband live with you Maria?

Maria: 18 years.

Richard: What a man. What a constitution.

Maria: How dare you speak to me like that.

Richard: If you had the slightest idea how you’ve spoken to me during the last three weeks, you’d be sympathetic. Maria dear, double that five thousand. Triple that five thousand. GIve me every shilling you have in the world and the answer would still be no.

Maria: I have never been so degraded in all my life.

Richard: When I came away with you I thought of you as I’d always thought of you: one of the nicest women in the world, the only woman I’ve ever liked. But obviously I’d never known you at all. These last three weeks have made me realize that you are not and never have been one of the things I thought you were.

End: Maria: You beast. Go away.

Richard: Before I go, Maria, there is one other thing I would like to say: may God bless you for your thoughtfulness and kindness to me.

Citation: Frederick Lonsdale, On Approval, Public domain, 1926.

Scene starts at 6:45 in the video