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The Magistrate

Overview

Show Type
Play
Age Guidance
Youth (Y)/General Audiences (G)
Genders
  • Female: 1
  • Male: 1
Playing Age
Late Teen
Style
Comedic
Length
Medium
Time Period
Classical
Time/Place
London, 1880s, Posket home
Act/Scene
Act One, Scene One

Context

Text

Cis. Beatie!

Beatie. Cis dear! Dinner isn’t over, surely?

Cis. Not quite. I had one of my convenient headaches and cleared out. [Taking an apple and some cobnuts from his pocket and giving them to Beatie.] These are for you, dear, with my love. I sneaked ’em off the sideboard as I came out.

Beatie. Oh, I mustn’t take them!

Cis. Yes, you may—it’s my share of dessert. Besides, it’s a horrid shame you don’t grub with us.

Beatie. What, a poor little music mistress!

Cis. Yes. They’re only going to give you four guineas a quarter. Fancy getting a girl like you for four guineas a quarter—why, an eighth of you is worth more than that! Now peg away at your apple. [Produces a cigarette.]

Beatie. There’s company at dinner, isn’t there? [Munching her apple.]

Cis. Well, hardly. Aunt Charlotte hasn’t arrived yet, so there’s only old Bullamy.

Beatie. Isn’t old Bullamy anybody?

Cis. Old Bullamy—well, he’s only like the guv’nor, a police magistrate at the Mulberry Street Police Court.

Beatie. Oh, does each police court have two magistrates?

Cis. [Proudly.] All the best have two.

Beatie. Don’t they quarrel over getting the interesting cases? I should.

Cis. I don’t know how they manage—perhaps they toss up who’s to hear the big sensations. There’s a Mrs. Beldam, who is rather a bore sometimes; I know the Guv always lets old Bullamy attend to her. But, as a rule, I fancy they go half and half, in a friendly way. [Lighting cigarette.] For instance, if the guv’nor wants to go to the Derby he lets old Bullamy have the Oaks—and so on, see? [He sits on the floor, comfortably reclining against Beatie, and puffing his cigarette.]

Beatie. Oh, I say, Cis, won’t your mamma be angry when she finds I haven’t gone home?

Cis. Oh, put it on to your pupil. Say I’m very backward.

Beatie. I think you are extremely forward—in some ways. [Biting the apple and speaking with her mouth full.] I do wish I could get you to concentrate your attention on your music lessons. But I wouldn’t get you into a scrape!

Cis. No fear of that. Ma is too proud of me.

Beatie. But there’s your step-father.

Cis. The dear old guv’nor! Why, he is too good-natured to say “Bo!” to a goose. You know, Beatie, I was at a school at Brighton when ma got married—when she got married the second time, I mean—and the guv’nor and I didn’t make each other’s acquaintance till after the honeymoon.

Beatie. Oh, fancy your step-father blindly accepting such a responsibility. [Gives him a cobnut to crack for her.]

Cis. Yes, wasn’t the guv’nor soft! I might have been a very indifferent sort of young fellow for all he knew. [Having cracked the nut with his teeth, he returns it to her.]

Beatie. Thank you, dear.

Cis. Well, when I heard the new dad was a police magistrate, I was scared. Said I to myself, “If I don’t mind my P’s and Q’s, the guv’nor—from force of habit—will fine me all my pocket-money.” But it’s quite the reverse—he’s the mildest, meekest——[The door opens suddenly.] Look out! Some one coming!

Pinero, Arthur Wing. The Magistrate. http://www.gutenberg.org/files/41750/41750-h/41750-h.htm

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