Janet (cont.) I guess pigeons don’t need...

Janet (cont.) I guess pigeons don’t need furniture.

Linda It’s my first day. It hasn’t arrived yet.

Janet Save money and drive the humans out.

Linda He is NOT driving the humans out. Take that back! If that was his plan, I’m not sure why over half the country voted him into office.

Janet Because pigeons held the majority of votes.

Linda In the Northeast cities. The Midwest and South counted too. And even all the pigeons that wanted to vote, couldn’t. The touch screen ballots are heat censored.

Janet Do we really want a species in office that can’t work a touch screen?!

Linda If we discounted everyone that couldn’t cast a vote correctly…

Janet He is in a position to dictate what happens to this country for the next FOUR years -

Linda Or eight!

Janet And he’s not like us. You can’t tell me he has not even thought about –

Linda No.

Janet We already know he wants pigeons to serve alongside our troops.

Linda Why would we turn away anyone who is willing to serve for his or her country.

Janet Because our troops need to be able to coexist with pigeons and trust their units won’t be preening their feathers when they should be shielding off attacks.

Linda Pigeons were heroes in World War I.

Janet They were homing pigeons. Someone strapped paper to their leg, they were shot at, and they flew home. Big deal.

Linda There’s one in the Smithsonian.

Janet So is Archie Bunker’s chair, but you don’t see furniture running for office.

Linda Really?

Beat.

Janet What’s going to happen when he DIES in two years?

Linda STOP.

Janet An average life expectancy is what, fifteen years? Five years if he grew up in the wild? Do we even know how old he is?! There’s no birth certificate. What’s going to happen with the morale of the American people when their President, the great symbol of peace, drops dead.

Linda That’s why we have a Vice President!

Janet Who is an eagle!

Linda With an incredibly extensive background in foreign affairs. AND is the national symbol of America!

Janet And anyone we put up against him is going to lose. Who would vote against an eagle?!

Linda He wants to bridge the gap between species. He doesn’t want to take over the world.

Janet Then why not reach out to Oberstar or Henley for Vice President. Extend a wing in the direction of the humans, not in the direction of other fowl.

Linda Because this is where we have to show a united front. He didn’t win because he had a great HUMAN Vice President. He won because America is ready to own up for our mistakes of the past two elections.

Janet By electing a messenger.

Linda It’s a strong message.

Janet It’s a giant leap.

Linda It’s the next step. He’s already issued a $1,000 tax cut for the middle class and a three-year spending freeze on domestic programs. He’s proposed a bill to lengthen classroom hours beginning at dawn and he’s working on cleaning up the streets and issuing mandatory vaccines for pigeons.

Janet Well.

The West Wing was developed with The CRY HAVOC Company (www.cryhavoccompany.org).

For licensing inquiries, please contact [email protected]