Overview
- Female: 0
- Male: 0
Context
CJ, Kit, and Charlie are all giant elf balloons in Macy's annual Thanksgiving Day parade. They have been brought out of storage in anticipation of this year's parade, and each is displaying different emotions. CJ, in particular, is growing increasingly agitated and anxious about their role in the modern day celebration. Desperately, CJ reveals that s/he has decided to break loose and charter his/her own destiny.
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CJ: You naïve little fool.
Kit: CJ!
Charlie: What did you call me?
Charlie rushes CJ, CJ hides behind Kit.
CJ: You won’t look so tough tomorrow. The cushy days of 12 handlers are over. We’ve been downsized. Four each.
Charlie: (retreating) Where did you hear that?
CJ: Snoopy got his hands on a copy of this year’s parade handbook. And you can bet he had a good laugh.
Charlie: (re: Snoopy) Smug jerk.
CJ: We’re not videogame characters or from a Pixar movie. We’re irrelevant. Nobody cares about us.
Kit: CJ! How can you say that?! We’re not irrelevant. People love us!
CJ: Who? No one knows our names. No one even knows we HAVE names!
Kit: Look, I know we may not be the “hippest” balloons on the block, but we’re part of something bigger than that. We’re a nostalgic, Christmassy reminder of the coming of Santa Claus. We are heralds of the season.
Charlie: (beat, quietly) Give it a rest, Kit.
CJ: Face it. Tomorrow morning, we’re going to be left to the mercy of a few teenyboppers who are more interested in taking selfies than watching where they’re going. Well, I’m not going to take it lying down.
Kit: What do you mean…?
CJ: I mean tomorrow morning when we round the corner of 7th Avenue and Central Park South – I’m breakin’ loose.
Kit gasps.
Kit: C – J – Elf. No balloon has ever gone rogue like that. You would violate the code of our very existence and bring shame on this whole family.
CJ: Look, Little Miss Sunshine, for the past 65 years we’ve done things your way but you know what – they’ll just have to find someone else to “herald the season.”
Kit: But – what’ll happen to you?! Who knows where you could end up!
CJ: At least it will be on my terms. And it’ll be a hell of a ride.
Charlie: Nobody’s going for “a hell of a ride.” You’re staying right here with us. Jesus, pull it together. Worst case scenario, you get a little snagged, they patch you up.
CJ: Tell that to Kermit. He’s never been the same since he took that lamppost to the gut. He’s always drifting to the left! (quieter) And public humiliation aside, you and I both know that a patch job is not the “worst case scenario.”
Charlie tries to shush CJ.
Kit: What are you talking about?
Charlie: Nothing.
CJ: I’m talking about PERMANENT STORAGE
Links
Hot Air was developed with The CRY HAVOC Company
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