STEPHANIE So, why don’t you tell me a bi...

STEPHANIE So, why don’t you tell me a bit about your acting.

PHIL I’m classically trained—

STEPHANIE Yes, excellent, that will come in handy for sure. I love actors who are trained in the classics.

PHIL Really?

STEPHANIE Yes, obviously.

PHIL Do you have a favorite classically trained actor?

STEPHANIE Uh, yeah, of course. Like hundreds. But who are your--favorite actors. Actresses. Women. Who are--trained. In the classics. Go.

Stephanie lifts up her pen to take notes. She adjusts her glasses.

PHIL Oh, um—Maggie Smith—

She writes something.

STEPHANIE Uh huh, uh huh. Good. And--

PHIL Cate Blanchett.

STEPHANIE Please.

PHIL Please what?

STEPHANIE Please--tell me more.

PHIL Judi Dench, Helen Mirren--

STEPHANIE How do you feel about Julia Roberts?

PHIL She’s--fine.

STEPHANIE Good, good, glad to hear it. Okay. Now. How about a little acting exercise just to warm up the tool—the body. What do you say? A classic one?

PHIL Um—alright.

STEPHANIE The one where we repeat each other. Okay. I’ll start and you repeat but I’m sure you know how it goes.

She prepares herself to act.

STEPHANIE Bbbbrrrrrhhhhhhhahhahhhahhh… Do you like to cook?

PHIL Do I like to cook?

STEPHANIE Do you like to cook?

PHIL Do I like to cook?

STEPHANIE Do you like to cook and clean?

PHIL Do I--like to cook and clean?

STEPHANIE Do you like to cook or clean or least do the dishes if a woman cooks for you?

PHIL Do you, do I—do um--like to—

STEPHANIE Why don’t you just answer the question?

PHIL That’s not how Meisner works.

STEPHANIE Yes, that Meisner. What a guy, huh? But back to you. Do you do dishes?

PHIL Are there dishes in the play?

STEPHANIE Yes, there are. I’m glad we solved that. So, I see here you played Romeo in that classic play Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare. That must have been challenging. Climbing up the side of Juliet.

PHIL Huh?

STEPHANIE Up the side of her house. Apartment. Balcony. Where she lived. Whatever. Wasn’t a very good ending for Romeo, huh? Or for Juliet. Or for the friar. I mean, he—had to feel bad and all. So-- how do you feel about working on new plays?

PHIL I love getting to be in the room and see the play evolve. Be a part of something from the very beginning.

STEPHANIE I feel the same way.

PHIL The Seven Men of Hanukkah. That’s a great title. Great title. So should we get started with--

STEPHANIE Yes. Thank you. I love the title too. One man for each night.

She passes a piece of paper to him.

STEPHANIE And here are your sides for Man Number three.

PHIL (overlapping) Huh--then why seven men? Hanukkah lasts for eight nights.

STEPHANIE Well, everyone knows that. That would be the obvious choice. To have eight men for eight nights, but instead, there will be seventeen because that’s a big enough group for a real fight scene, you know?

PHIL But the play is called The Seven Men of Hanukkah.

STEPHANIE So, yes, wonderful, just go ahead and read.

PHIL (reading) “I love you like I have never loved another Stephanie. You are the one for me. You, you, YOU STEPHANIE.” I’m sorry, your name is—

STEPHANIE St--rawf-anie.

PHIL St--rawf-anie. And what exactly is this play about?

STEPHANIE It’s kind of a mash up really of play ideas—in a play. It takes place with men during Hanukkah, fighting, around a Christmas tree. And there’s a love interest, named Stephanie, and also Noah’s ark and the splitting of the Red Sea.

PHIL Right, so, could you explain what any of that has to do with--

STEPHANIE (overlapping) It’s like Romeo and Juliet but a little different. We will talk about all of the details when we are in the rehearsal process. You have been offered the role of Man number three. Shalom!

PHIL Um,--thank you. Shalom means hello--or goodbye--or peace.

STEPHANIE Exactly. So hello and peace to this project until it’s goodbye. If you could just give me all of your contact info—

PHIL I, um, generally like to read the script before I commit to--

STEPHANIE Oh, I can’t provide it just now--I thought you liked to see a play evolve.

PHIL Plays are generally written before auditions.

STEPHANIE Of course—the play—is written.

PHIL The sides you gave me were two lines.

STEPHANIE As a professional thesbian--

PHIL Thespian—

STEPHANIE You say thespian, I say thesbian. Tomato, tomato, thespian, thesbian, it’s all the same.

PHIL No, actually, it’s not. So, I’m sorry, I don’t know that I’m so— available—as it turns out. (gathering his coat) But I wish you all the best. Good luck and happy—um--

The Seven Men of Hanukkah was developed with The CRY HAVOC Company

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