Grace: Gentlemen, this is no way that yo...

Grace: Gentlemen, this is no way that you take; you do but breed one another trouble and offence, and give me no contentment at all. I am not she that affects to be quarrell’d for, or have my name or fortune made the question of men’s swords.

Quar: ’Sblood, we love you.

Grace: If you both love me, as you pretend, your own reason will tell you, but one can enjoy me: and to that point there leads a directer line, than by my infamy, which must follow, if you fight. ’Tis true, I have profest it to you ingenuously, that rather than to be yoked with this bridegroom is appointed me, I would take up any husband almost upon any trust; though subtlety would say to me, I know, he is a fool, and has an estate, and I might govern him, and enjoy a friend beside: but these are not my aims; I must have a husband I must love, or I cannot live with him. I shall ill make one of these politic wives.

Winw: Why, if you can like either of us, lady, say, which is he, and the other shall swear instantly to desist.

Quar: Content, I accord to that willingly.

Grace.: Sure you think me a woman of an extreme levity, gentlemen, or a strange fancy, that, meeting you by chance in such a place as this, both at one instant, and not yet of two hours’ acquaintance, neither of you deserving afore the other of me, I should so forsake my modesty (though I might affect one more particularly) as to say, this is he, and name him.

Quar: Why, wherefore should you not? what should hinder you?

Grace: If you would not give it to my modesty, allow it yet to my wit; give me so much of woman and cunning, as not to betray myself impertinently. How can I judge of you, so far as to a choice, without knowing you more? You are both equal, and alike to me yet, and so indifferently affected by me, as each of you might be the man, if the other were away: for you are reasonable creatures, you have understanding and discourse; and if fate send me an understanding husband, I have no fear at all but mine own manners shall make him a good one.

Quar: Would I were put forth to making for you then.

Grace: It may be you are, you know not what is toward you: will you consent to a motion of mine, gentlemen?

Winw: Whatever it be, we’ll presume reasonableness, coming from you.

Quar: And fitness too.

Grace: I saw one of you buy a pair of tables, e’en now.

Winw: Yes, here they be, and maiden ones too, unwritten in.

Grace: The fitter for what they may be employed in. You shall write either of you here a word or a name, what you like best, but of two or three syllables at most; and the next person that comes this way, because Destiny has a high hand in business of this nature, I’ll demand which of the two words he or she doth approve, and, according to that sentence, fix my resolution and affection without change.

Quar: Agreed; my word is conceived already.

Winw: And mine shall not be long creating after.

Grace: But you shall promise, gentlemen, not to be curious to know which of you it is, taken; but give me leave to conceal that, till you have brought me either home, or where I may safely tender myself.

Winw: Why, that’s but equal.

Quar: We are pleased.

Grace: Because I will bind both your endeavours to work together friendly and jointly each to the other’s fortune, and have myself fitted with some means, to make him that is forsaken a part of amends.

Quar: These conditions are very courteous. Well, my word is out of the Arcadia, then; Argalus.

Winw: And mine out of the Play Palemon.

Bartholomew Fair on Project Gutenberg