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The 1984 Dalmar Biker War

Overview

Show Type
Play
Age Guidance
Thirteen Plus (PG-13)
Genders
  • Female: 1
  • Male: 1
Playing Age
Adult, Mature Adult
Style
Comedic
Length
Medium
Time Period
Contemporary
Time/Place
Small town administrator's office on a weekday, 1980s
Act/Scene
Act 3

Context

Text

Cedric: If we can be serious for a moment, Sheriff, I do have something important to discuss.

Shirley: I’m on it like a cheap suit on a lawyer, Chief.

Cedric: I beg your pardon? What did you say you were on?

Shirley: I said I am all over it. Whatever it is you want.

Cedric: Oh, I see. I see. One of those quaint expressions you people seem to favour. I like that one. Let me jot that one down. (makes a note in the small notepad ).

Shirley: Help yourself, Chief. I got a million of them. So what did you want me to do?

Cedric: Well you see, I’ve been going over the encounter versus citation figures that have been submitted and it seems that you do issue a great deal of warnings and very few tickets. You realize, of course, that we don’t make any money off of warnings, whereas the ticket payments go directly into general revenue.

Shirley: Of course I know that. I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck.

Cedric: Ha! Turnip truck. That’s a good one... (Writes in the notepad) Nonetheless, if you are aware of the economic ramifications of issuing more warnings than tickets, I am surprised it appears to be your practice.

Shirley: It’s like this, Chief. I could go on a ticket writing binge and bring in a lot more dough. Do you know what that buys you? A whole bunch of Mrs. Popowiches. It’s not like we have a criminal element in town. We just have people who make mistakes. They know if they make the same one a few times, they’ll pay but by then, they know full well they deserved it. If it’s any consolation, I don’t give warnings to jerks or out of towners. The jerks deserve it and the out of towners can’t vote here. (Winks at Cedric.)

Cedric: (shocked, confused) Did you just wink at me?

Shirley: Sure! It’s... er... well... err... It was a societal convention indicating I had just let you in on a secret activity. (Looks pleased with herself)

Cedric: I see! Thank heavens! Where I come from a wink has an entirely different societal connotation. I am so relieved!

Shirley: You do wonders for my womanly self-esteem.

Cedric: Oh my no! I didn’t mean... I just...

Shirley: Ha! Relax, Chief. We’re on the same team.

Cedric: Same team? Er... uh... We’re on the same team?

Shirley: Of course! We’re all in this for the good of the town!

Cedric: Oh! Yes, yes, of course. That team…

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