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The Dangers of VD (Valentines Day)

Overview

Show Type
Play
Age Guidance
Thirteen Plus (PG-13)
Genders
  • Female: 2
  • Male: 0
Playing Age
Mature Adult, Young Adult
Style
Comedic
Length
Short
Time Period
Contemporary
Time/Place
A modern living room in a quiet suburb
Act/Scene
Act 2, Scene 2

Context

Text

Jacqui: So Robert just texted me again!

Jean: What did he say? Did he like you on Facebook?

Jacqui: So far he’s only liked power tools and UFC cage matches, but I’m still hoping. He asked if I want to go to The Brewskihouse; that bar that features the city’s biggest hamburgers. He says if you can eat a whole Stupendous Burger, it’s on the house.

Jean: How charming. What time is the wet tee shirt contest?

Jacqui: Oh, that’s not til eleven or so. You should still be able to make it after whatever dinner plans you have.

Jean: I’m sure. At my age you have to tantalize them with what they think you have and that it’s still in all the places it used to be. That takes a lot of engineering. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a wet tee shirt contest now. Not like the old days.

Jacqui: Oh my, you mean you have? I can’t imagine! I would die of embarrassment!

Jean: Embarrassment? Are you kidding me? For that moment in time, you are the sexiest woman on earth for hundreds of red-blooded men that have already seen thousands of wet-shirts on the Internet. What’s to be embarrassed about? If you’ve got it, flaunt it… right in their panting pathetic faces.

Jacqui: But other women look down on women who do that.

Jean: Who cares? Are you looking to marry any of these women who might look down on you? They are your competitors, honey. If you can catch the attention of some young, exciting hunk with a bit of cleavage and a well-timed wink, what business is it of theirs?

Jacqui: I could never see me doing the things as you do, Auntie. You’ve got more kahunas than most men I know.

Jean: So what are you going to tell Robert? He still left it open-ended enough you don’t know the score. Why don’t you just phone him and talk to him?

Jacqui: Phone him? Are you nuts? That’s so last Thursday.

Jean: Then maybe text him back and just ask who all will be there… and what time he’ll be picking you up. If he’s with another girl, I have some pointers on how to cut her legs out from under her.

Jacqui: Can you come to my bedroom? I need you to help me pick out what I should wear.

Jean: Okay, but you have to trust me.

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