Overview
- Female: 2
- Male: 2
Context
In this scene of a Little Dickens on the Air, we meet Ronald Niven, a jovial, talented voice actor who can’t perform without alcohol. He also hates drinking alone and forces the rest of the ragtag cast to take shots from his endless supply of flasks stowed on his person. This scene prepares the audience for a tipsy performance from Ronald, but as the ultimate professional, hits his voices perfectly, even as the others, under the increasing influence of booze and with no rehearsals, fill in all
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(Enter Clara, Dragging a very drunk Ronald.)
Clara: I found one of them!
Buddy: Oh great!
Ronald: Hey Buddy! Hic! Dow ya hooin’, I mean how ya doin’?
Buddy: Oh great.
Ronald: Oh, don’ worry ‘bout me, fuh fuh fuh fuh
Leslie: He sounds like Lancie doing his vocal exercises.
Ronald: Fuh fuh fine.
Doris: Fuh Fuh Fuh crying out loud he sounds like a moron!
Buddy: Oh my gosh! This is serious! Ronald does almost half the voices in this play! And where’s Darren and Frank?
Clara: And where the heck is Betty?
Buddy: Which one?
Leslie: The taller one.
Betty: (Entering.) Sorry I’m late but I was looking for… Oh Ronald! I was looking all over for you!
Clara: Speak of the devil…
Betty: Oh no, that would be my sister.
Ronald: I dunno why you coont fine me, HIC! I was just in the ba… ba… coffeeshop… at least until the police came. I got away but I saw them take away the other two in a paddy wagon.
Betty: Hoo---eee!! Your breath doesn’t smell like coffee, more like the distillery three blocks down.
Buddy: Look, people, we have to stop yacking! The show will be on in five minutes! Without Lance the Magnificent and his evil sidekick, we are facing a lot of dead air. But if we don’t pull this off, we can kiss our careers good-bye!
Ronald: Piffle. The industry will also need competent voice actors.
Leslie: You mean you?
Ronald: Who said that??? Not the voices again!
Buddy: Look, Ronald, are you still up to doing this? I would rather know now than after we started the show and end up sounding like fools.
Ronald: The go must show on!
Clara: Fabulous.
Buddy: Look, Clara, Deborah left her script behind with all her sound effects! Can you see if you can figure out her shorthand instructions and help us out? This is more important than anything you could possibly type right now!
Clara: Oh Buddy! You know how I feel about my voice! That is part of the reason I don’t go in for all this acting stuff.
Buddy: But Deborah only did sound effects! You won’t need to speak a word.
Leslie: Come on, Clara, It will be fun! I have some recorded sounds I can help you with .
Ronald: If you do this for me, I will accept your proposal of marriage.
Clara: What?! Why, I never!
Ronald: Sorry, my mistake. I think it musta been two other people.
Betty: Was I one of them?
Buddy: Come on, everyone. Let’s figure this out. There’s almost no time left!
Ronald: Here’s my script. I play this guy, this guy, this guy and these guys. That leaves those guys for you.
Buddy: I can’t do all those voices!
Clara: Lancie could.
Buddy: Now that’s hitting below the belt.
Ronald: I am willing to do a couple more if it’ll help.
Leslie: I could do a couple from in here through the com mic if needs be. I have to follow the script anyway.
Buddy: Hey! I have an idea! Everybody pay close attention…
Leslie: Hang on, we’re about to go to commercial, then we’re on. Everybody get ready…
Buddy: I guess we’ll just have to wing it.
Ronald: I really have to… HIC! go to the ba…. ba.. bathroom
Doris: This is a fine time for that!
Buddy: You have to wait! You have the first line! You can go during the scene with Fred!
Announcer: This is station WJOY from New York City presenting the Manhattan Radio Theatre presentation of A Christmas Carol based on the story by Charles Dickens and brought to you by
Commercial
Leslie: Get ready in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… and
Announcer: Now stay tuned for our Special Program, A Christmas Carol featuring the Manhattan Radio Theatre Players.
Introductory music
(Clara: Shrugs shoulders pointing at the script. Buddy mimes “wind blowing” until she “gets it”. Doris and Betty are stopping Ronald from leaving until he is done his narrator bit. They barely get him to the mic in time.)
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