Leona: Let her in. She might have inform...

Leona: Let her in. She might have information about Millie.

Grace: Okay, but this is the sketchiest maid I’ve ever seen. (She opens the door.)

Maid: (A poorly disguised Detective Gruber using a bad Scandinavian accent enters and begins dusting with a feather duster) Hello! How are you all this evening? My name is Greta and I was sent to do some… um… maiding and stuff, you know? Don’t mind me. Just carry on with whatever you were talking about.

Esther: I think you have the wrong room… I’m sorry what did you say your name was?

Maid: It is Heidi. I am sure this is the right room.

Grace: Hey, wait a minute. I thought you said your name was Greta, not Heidi.

Maid: Greta, Heidi, Brynhilde, one of them Scandahoovian names. So did you ladies have any interesting adventures at the bake-sale today?

Leona: I bought some kale dip.

Maid: On purpose?

Esther: Look, buddy, I don’t know what you are up to but I don’t buy for a minute that you’re a maid or even a woman. What’s the big idea spying on us like this?

Detective Gruber: Dang. I can’t believe I blew my cover already. Okay. You got me. My name is Detective Gruber of the LVPD. It’s my first day on the job.

Grace: So what’s with the ridiculous maid outfit, Detective Goober?

Detective Gruber: That’s Gruber. I am hoping to be a master of disguises some day but I’m just apprenticing right now. Here’s my badge.

Grace: That’s your air miles card.

Detective Gruber: Oh.. sorry. There. I think that’s it.

Leona: Why would you be interested in us?

Esther: As leader, Leona, I think I should ask the questions. So, Detective… what was it? Tuber? What makes you so interested in us?

Grace: That’s an excellent question, Esther.

Leona: It was my question!

Esther: Now’s not the time for choosing who gets all the glory, Leona. Good heavens. It’s not always about you.

Detective Gruber: I am investigating criminal activity in this hotel which I am not at liberty to discuss the details of, but it is big stuff. I’m in charge of the case. My first one as a detective! Did I mention that?

Leona: Yes, you did say this was your first day on the job. Must be exciting to be thrown into a big case like this! (Goes up to him and rubs his arm.) Come on, you can tell us what it’s all about. We won’t say anything.

Detective Gruber: I’m sorry but I swore a solemn oath to uphold all the detectivy stuff.

Grace: That’s too bad. I guess I’ll just have to report to your superiors that you blew your cover and was harassing innocent tourists who put lots of money into your city’s coffers. Or, we could have a nice chat over all the choice pastries from the bake sale we have to share.

Detective Gruber: All right! All right! You’re lucky I’m crazy about kale dip. We heard there was a diamond smuggling ring operating in the city and a big deal is going down this weekend at this hotel. It is rumored the M’Benga Diamond collection stolen from the South African government vaults in 1979 have surfaced. That’s all we know right now. I don’t know what they are worth but there is a million dollar finder’s fee for them. Because we have to check out every lead, no matter how unlikely, we are interviewing everyone, especially foreigners like you ladies.

Esther: Foreigners? What do you mean? We’re not foreigners. We’re North Americans just like you. Canada is in North America; therefore, Canadians are actually Americans. It’s sort of like Puerto Rico only different.

Detective Gruber: Oh dear! I am not smart about fees.

Grace: Fees?

Detective Gruber: You know, like geography, calligraphy, photography... I am so sorry. I thought you were foreigners. I really did! I feel so stupid! I’ll be off then. Good night, ladies! Stay safe! (He exits)

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