ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Why, how now, D...

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Why, how now, Dromio! where runn'st thou so fast?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Do you know me, sir? am I Dromio? am I your man? am I myself?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I am an ass, I am a woman's man and besides myself.

ANTIPHOLUS What woman's man? and how besides thyself? besides thyself?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; one

that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What claim lays she to thee?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry sir, such claim as you would lay to your

horse; and she would have me as a beast: not that, I

being a beast, she would have me; but that she,

being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What is she?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE A very reverent body; ay, such a one as a man may

not speak of without he say 'Sir-reverence.' I have

but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a

wondrous fat marriage.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE How dost thou mean a fat marriage?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench and all grease;

and I know not what use to put her to but to make a

lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I

warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn a

Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday,

she'll burn a week longer than the whole world.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What complexion is she of?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing half so

clean kept: for why, she sweats; a man may go over

shoes in the grime of it.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE That's a fault that water will mend.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What's her name?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Nell, sir; but her name and three quarters, that's

an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from

hip to hip.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Then she bears some breadth?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip:

she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out

countries in her.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE In what part of her body stands Ireland?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, in her buttocks: I found it out by the bogs.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where Scotland?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I found it by the barrenness; hard in the palm of the hand.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where France?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE In her forehead; armed and reverted, making war against her heir.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where England?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no

whiteness in them; but I guess it stood in her chin,

by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where Spain?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it hot in her breath.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where America, the Indies?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Oh, sir, upon her nose all o'er embellished with

rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich

aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole

armadoes of caracks to be ballast at her nose.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Oh, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this

drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me, call'd me

Dromio; swore I was assured to her; told me what

privy marks I had about me, as, the mark of my

shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my

left arm, that I amazed ran from her as a witch:

And, I think, if my breast had not been made of

faith and my heart of steel,

She had transform'd me to a curtal dog and made

me turn i' the wheel.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Go hie thee presently, post to the road:

An if the wind blow any way from shore,

I will not harbour in this town to-night:

If any bark put forth, come to the mart,

Where I will walk till thou return to me.

If every one knows us and we know none,

'Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack and be gone.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE As from a bear a man would run for life,

So fly I from her that would be my wife.