LYSISTRATA
CALONICE
MYRRHINE
LAMPITO
Stratyllis, etc.
Chorus of Women.
MAGISTRATE
CINESIAS
SPARTAN HERALD
ENVOYS
ATHENIANS
Porter, Market Idlers, etc.
Chorus of old Men.
LYSISTRATA stands alone with the Propylaea at her back.
LYSISTRATA
If they were trysting for a Bacchanal,
A feast of Pan or Colias or Genetyllis,
The tambourines would block the rowdy streets,
But now there's not a woman to be seen
Except--ah, yes--this neighbour of mine yonder.
Enter CALONICE.
Good day Calonice.
CALONICE
Good day Lysistrata.
But what has vexed you so? Tell me, child.
What are these black looks for? It doesn't suit you
To knit your eyebrows up glumly like that.
LYSISTRATA
Calonice, it's more than I can bear,
I am hot all over with blushes for our sex.
Men say we're slippery rogues--
CALONICE
And aren't they right?
LYSISTRATA
Yet summoned on the most tremendous business
For deliberation, still they snuggle in bed.
CALONICE
My dear, they'll come. It's hard for women, you know,
To get away. There's so much to do;
Husbands to be patted and put in good tempers:
Servants to be poked out: children washed
Or soothed with lullays or fed with mouthfuls of pap.
LYSISTRATA
But I tell you, here's a far more weighty object.
CALONICE
What is it all about, dear Lysistrata,
That you've called the women hither in a troop?
What kind of an object is it?
LYSISTRATA
A tremendous thing!
CALONICE
And long?
LYSISTRATA
Indeed, it may be very lengthy.
CALONICE
Then why aren't they here?
LYSISTRATA
No man's connected with it;
If that was the case, they'd soon come fluttering along.
No, no. It concerns an object I've felt over
And turned this way and that for sleepless nights.
CALONICE
It must be fine to stand such long attention.
LYSISTRATA
So fine it comes to this--Greece saved by Woman!
CALONICE
By Woman? Wretched thing, I'm sorry for it.
LYSISTRATA
Our country's fate is henceforth in our hands:
To destroy the Peloponnesians root and branch--
CALONICE
What could be nobler!
LYSISTRATA
Wipe out the Boeotians--
CALONICE
Not utterly. Have mercy on the eels!
[Footnote: The Boeotian eels were highly esteemed delicacies in Athens.]
LYSISTRATA
But with regard to Athens, note I'm careful
Not to say any of these nasty things;
Still, thought is free.... But if the women join us
From Peloponnesus and Boeotia, then
Hand in hand we'll rescue Greece.
CALONICE
How could we do
Such a big wise deed? We women who dwell
Quietly adorning ourselves in a back-room
With gowns of lucid gold and gawdy toilets
Of stately silk and dainty little slippers....
LYSISTRATA
These are the very armaments of the rescue.
These crocus-gowns, this outlay of the best myrrh,
Slippers, cosmetics dusting beauty, and robes
With rippling creases of light.
CALONICE
Yes, but how?
LYSISTRATA
No man will lift a lance against another--
CALONICE
I'll run to have my tunic dyed crocus.
LYSISTRATA
Or take a shield--
CALONICE
I'll get a stately gown.
LYSISTRATA
Or unscabbard a sword--
CALONICE
Let me buy a pair of slipper.
LYSISTRATA
Now, tell me, are the women right to lag?
CALONICE
They should have turned birds, they should have grown
wings and flown.
LYSISTRATA
My friend, you'll see that they are true Athenians:
Always too late. Why, there's not a woman
From the shoreward demes arrived, not one from Salamis.
CALONICE
I know for certain they awoke at dawn,
And got their husbands up if not their boat sails.
LYSISTRATA
And I'd have staked my life the Acharnian dames
Would be here first, yet they haven't come either!
CALONICE
Well anyhow there is Theagenes' wife
We can expect--she consulted Hecate.
But look, here are some at last, and more behind them.
See ... where are they from?
CALONICE
From Anagyra they come.
LYSISTRATA
Yes, they generally manage to come first.
Enter MYRRHINE.
MYRRHINE
Are we late, Lysistrata? ... What is that?
Nothing to say?
LYSISTRATA
I've not much to say for you,
Myrrhine, dawdling on so vast an affair.
MYRRHINE
I couldn't find my girdle in the dark.
But if the affair's so wonderful, tell us, what is it?
LYSISTRATA
No, let us stay a little longer till
The Peloponnesian girls and the girls of Bocotia
Are here to listen.
MYRRHINE
That's the best advice.
Ah, there comes Lampito.
Enter LAMPITO.
LYSISTRATA
Welcome Lampito!
Dear Spartan girl with a delightful face,
Washed with the rosy spring, how fresh you look
In the easy stride of your sleek slenderness,
Why you could strangle a bull!
LAMPITO
I think I could.
It's frae exercise and kicking high behint.
[Footnote: The translator has put the speech of the Spartan characters
in Scotch dialect which is related to English about as was the Spartan
dialect to the speech of Athens. The Spartans, in their character,
anticipated the shrewd, canny, uncouth Scotch highlander of modern
times.]
LYSISTRATA
What lovely breasts to own!
LAMPITO
Oo ... your fingers
Assess them, ye tickler, wi' such tender chucks
I feel as if I were an altar-victim.
LYSISTRATA
Who is this youngster?
LAMPITO
A Boeotian lady.
LYSISTRATA
There never was much undergrowth in Boeotia,
Such a smooth place, and this girl takes after it.
CALONICE
Yes, I never saw a skin so primly kept.
LYSISTRATA
This girl?
LAMPITO
A sonsie open-looking jinker!
She's a Corinthian.
LYSISTRATA
Yes, isn't she
Very open, in some ways particularly.
LAMPITO
But who's garred this Council o' Women to meet here?
LYSISTRATA
I have.
LAMPITO
Propound then what you want o' us.
MYRRHINE
What is the amazing news you have to tell?
LYSISTRATA
I'll tell you, but first answer one small question.
MYRRHINE
As you like.
LYSISTRATA
Are you not sad your children's fathers
Go endlessly off soldiering afar
In this plodding war? I am willing to wager
There's not one here whose husband is at home.
CALONICE
Mine's been in Thrace, keeping an eye on Eucrates
For five months past.
MYRRHINE
And mine left me for Pylos
Seven months ago at least.
LAMPITO
And as for mine
No sooner has he slipped out frae the line
He straps his shield and he's snickt off again.
LYSISTRATA
And not the slightest glitter of a lover!
And since the Milesians betrayed us, I've not seen
The image of a single upright man
To be a marble consolation to us.
Now will you help me, if I find a means
To stamp the war out.
MYRRHINE
By the two Goddesses, Yes!
I will though I've to pawn this very dress
And drink the barter-money the same day.
CALONICE
And I too though I'm split up like a turbot
And half is hackt off as the price of peace.
LAMPITO
And I too! Why, to get a peep at the shy thing
I'd clamber up to the tip-top o' Taygetus.
LYSISTRATA
Then I'll expose my mighty mystery.
O women, if we would compel the men
To bow to Peace, we must refrain--
MYRRHINE
From what?
O tell us!
LYSISTRATA
Will you truly do it then?
MYRRHINE
We will, we will, if we must die for it.
LYSISTRATA
We must refrain from every depth of love....
Why do you turn your backs? Where are you going?
Why do you bite your lips and shake your heads?
Why are your faces blanched? Why do you weep?
Will you or won't you, or what do you mean?
MYRRHINE
No, I won't do it. Let the war proceed.
CALONICE
No, I won't do it. Let the war proceed.
LYSISTRATA
You too, dear turbot, you that said just now
You didn't mind being split right up in the least?
CALONICE
Anything else? O bid me walk in fire
But do not rob us of that darling joy.
What else is like it, dearest Lysistrata?
LYSISTRATA
And you?
MYRRHINE
O please give me the fire instead.
LYSISTRATA
Lewd to the least drop in the tiniest vein,
Our sex is fitly food for Tragic Poets,
Our whole life's but a pile of kisses and babies.
But, hardy Spartan, if you join with me
All may be righted yet. O help me, help me.
LAMPITO
It's a sair, sair thing to ask of us, by the Twa,
A lass to sleep her lane and never fill
Love's lack except wi' makeshifts.... But let it be.
Peace maun be thought of first.
LYSISTRATA
My friend, my friend!
The only one amid this herd of weaklings.
CALONICE
But if--which heaven forbid--we should refrain
As you would have us, how is Peace induced?
LYSISTRATA
By the two Goddesses, now can't you see
All we have to do is idly sit indoors
With smooth roses powdered on our cheeks,
Our bodies burning naked through the folds
Of shining Amorgos' silk, and meet the men
With our dear Venus-plats plucked trim and neat.
Their stirring love will rise up furiously,
They'll beg our arms to open. That's our time!
We'll disregard their knocking, beat them off--
And they will soon be rabid for a Peace.
I'm sure of it.
LAMPITO
Just as Menelaus, they say,
Seeing the bosom of his naked Helen
Flang down the sword.
CALONICE
But we'll be tearful fools
If our husbands take us at our word and leave us.
LYSISTRATA
There's only left then, in Pherecrates' phrase,
To flay a skinned dog--flay more our flayed desires.
CALONICE
Bah, proverbs will never warm a celibate.
But what avail will your scheme be if the men
Drag us for all our kicking on to the couch?
LYSISTRATA
Cling to the doorposts.
CALONICE
But if they should force us?
LYSISTRATA
Yield then, but with a sluggish, cold indifference.
There is no joy to them in sullen mating.
Besides we have other ways to madden them;
They cannot stand up long, and they've no delight
Unless we fit their aim with merry succour.
CALONICE
Well if you must have it so, we'll all agree.
LAMPITO
For us I ha' no doubt. We can persuade
Our men to strike a fair an' decent Peace,
But how will ye pitch out the battle-frenzy
O' the Athenian populace?
LYSISTRATA
I promise you
We'll wither up that curse.
LAMPITO
I don't believe it.
Not while they own ane trireme oared an' rigged,
Or a' those stacks an' stacks an' stacks O' siller.
LYSISTRATA
I've thought the whole thing out till there's no flaw.
We shall surprise the Acropolis today:
That is the duty set the older dames.
While we sit here talking, they are to go
And under pretence of sacrificing, seize it.
LAMPITO
Certie, that's fine; all's working for the best.
LYSISTRATA
Now quickly, Lampito, let us tie ourselves
To this high purpose as tightly as the hemp of words
Can knot together.
LAMPITO
Set out the terms in detail
And we'll a' swear to them.
LYSISTRATA
Of course.... Well then
Where is our Scythianess? Why are you staring?
First lay the shield, boss downward, on the floor
And bring the victim's inwards.
CAILONICE
But, Lysistrata,
What is this oath that we're to swear?
LYSISTRATA
What oath!
In Aeschylus they take a slaughtered sheep
And swear upon a buckler. Why not we?
CALONICE
O Lysistrata, Peace sworn on a buckler!
LYSISTRATA
What oath would suit us then?
CALONICE
Something burden bearing
Would be our best insignia.... A white horse!
Let's swear upon its entrails.
LYSISTRATA
A horse indeed!
CALONICE
Then what will symbolise us?
LYSISTRATA
This, as I tell you--
First set a great dark bowl upon the ground
And disembowel a skin of Thasian wine,
Then swear that we'll not add a drop of water.
LAMPITO
Ah, what aith could clink pleasanter than that!
LYSISTRATA
Bring me a bowl then and a skin of wine.
CALONICE
My dears, see what a splendid bowl it is;
I'd not say No if asked to sip it off.
LYSISTRATA
Put down the bowl. Lay hands, all, on the victim.
Skiey Queen who givest the last word in arguments,
And thee, O Bowl, dear comrade, we beseech:
Accept our oblation and be propitious to us.
CALONICE
What healthy blood, la, how it gushes out!
LAMPITO
An' what a leesome fragrance through the air.
LYSISTRATA
Now, dears, if you will let me, I'll speak first.
CALONICE
Only if you draw the lot, by Aphrodite!
LYSISTRATA
SO, grasp the brim, you, Lampito, and all.
You, Calonice, repeat for the rest
Each word I say. Then you must all take oath
And pledge your arms to the same stern conditions--
LYSISTRATA
To husband or lover I'll not open arms
CALONICE
To husband or lover I'll not open arms
LYSISTRATA
Though love and denial may enlarge his charms.
CALONICE
Though love and denial may enlarge his charms.
O, O, my knees are failing me, Lysistrata!
LYSISTRATA
But still at home, ignoring him, I'll stay,
CALONICE
But still at home, ignoring him, I'll stay,
LYSISTRATA
Beautiful, clad in saffron silks all day.
CALONICE
Beautiful, clad in saffron silks all day.
LYSISTRATA
If then he seizes me by dint of force,
CALONICE
If then he seizes me by dint of force,
LYSISTRATA
I'll give him reason for a long remorse.
CALONICE
I'll give him reason for a long remorse.
LYSISTRATA
I'll never lie and stare up at the ceiling,
CALONICE
I'll never lie and stare up at the ceiling,
LYSISTRATA
Nor like a lion on all fours go kneeling.
CALONICE
Nor like a lion on all fours go kneeling.
LYSISTRATA
If I keep faith, then bounteous cups be mine.
CALONICE
If I keep faith, then bounteous cups be mine.
LYSISTRATA
If not, to nauseous water change this wine.
CALONICE
If not, to nauseous water change this wine.
LYSISTRATA
Do you all swear to this?
MYRRHINE
We do, we do.
LYSISTRATA
Then I shall immolate the victim thus.
She drinks.
CALONICE
Here now, share fair, haven't we made a pact?
Let's all quaff down that friendship in our turn.
LAMPITO
Hark, what caterwauling hubbub's that?
LYSISTRATA
As I told you,
The women have appropriated the citadel.
So, Lampito, dash off to your own land
And raise the rebels there. These will serve as hostages,
While we ourselves take our places in the ranks
And drive the bolts right home.
CALONICE
But won't the men
March straight against us?
LYSISTRATA
And what if they do?
No threat shall creak our hinges wide, no torch
Shall light a fear in us; we will come out
To Peace alone.
CALONICE
That's it, by Aphrodite!
As of old let us seem hard and obdurate.
LAMPITO and some go off; the others go up into the Acropolis.
Chorus of OLD MEN enter to attack the captured Acropolis.
Make room, Draces, move ahead; why your shoulder's chafed, I see,
With lugging uphill these lopped branches of the olive-tree.
How upside-down and wrong-way-round a long life sees things grow.
Ah, Strymodorus, who'd have thought affairs could tangle so?
The women whom at home we fed,
Like witless fools, with fostering bread,
Have impiously come to this--
They've stolen the Acropolis,
With bolts and bars our orders flout
And shut us out.
Come, Philurgus, bustle thither; lay our faggots on the ground,
In neat stacks beleaguering the insurgents all around;
And the vile conspiratresses, plotters of such mischief dire,
Pile and burn them all together in one vast and righteous pyre:
Fling with our own hands Lycon's wife to fry in the thickest fire.
By Demeter, they'll get no brag while I've a vein to beat!
Cleomenes himself was hurtled out in sore defeat.
His stiff-backed Spartan pride was bent.
Out, stripped of all his arms, he went:
A pigmy cloak that would not stretch
To hide his rump (the draggled wretch),
Six sprouting years of beard, the spilth
Of six years' filth.
That was a siege! Our men were ranged in lines of seventeen deep
Before the gates, and never left their posts there, even to sleep.
Shall I not smite the rash presumption then of foes like these,
Detested both of all the gods and of Euripides--
Else, may the Marathon-plain not boast my trophied victories!
Ah, now, there's but a little space
To reach the place!
A deadly climb it is, a tricky road
With all this bumping load:
A pack-ass soon would tire....
How these logs bruise my shoulders! further still
Jog up the hill,
And puff the fire inside,
Or just as we reach the top we'll find it's died.
Ough, phew!
I choke with the smoke.
Lord Heracles, how acrid-hot
Out of the pot
This mad-dog smoke leaps, worrying me
And biting angrily....
'Tis Lemnian fire that smokes,
Or else it would not sting my eyelids thus....
Haste, all of us;
Athene invokes our aid.
Laches, now or never the assault must be made!
Ough, phew!
I choke with the smoke. ..
Thanked be the gods! The fire peeps up and crackles as it should.
Now why not first slide off our backs these weary loads of wood
And dip a vine-branch in the brazier till it glows, then straight
Hurl it at the battering-ram against the stubborn gate?
If they refuse to draw the bolts in immediate compliance,
We'll set fire to the wood, and smoke will strangle their defiance.
Phew, what a spluttering drench of smoke! Come, now from off my back....
Is there no Samos-general to help me to unpack?
Ah there, that's over! For the last time now it's galled my shoulder.
Flare up thine embers, brazier, and dutifully smoulder,
To kindle a brand, that I the first may strike the citadel.
Aid me, Lady Victory, that a triumph-trophy may tell
How we did anciently this insane audacity quell!
Chorus of WOMEN.
What's that rising yonder? That ruddy glare, that smoky skurry?
O is it something in a blaze? Quick, quick, my comrades, hurry!
Nicodice, helter-skelter!
Or poor Calyce's in flames
And Cratylla's stifled in the welter.
O these dreadful old men
And their dark laws of hate!
There, I'm all of a tremble lest I turn out to be too late.
I could scarcely get near to the spring though I rose before dawn,
What with tattling of tongues and rattling of pitchers in one jostling din
With slaves pushing in!....
Still here at last the water's drawn
And with it eagerly I run
To help those of my friends who stand
In danger of being burned alive.
For I am told a dribbling band
Of greybeards hobble to the field,
Great faggots in each palsied hand,
As if a hot bath to prepare,
And threatening that out they'll drive
These wicked women or soon leave them charring into ashes
there.
O Goddess, suffer not, I pray, this harsh deed to be done,
But show us Greece and Athens with their warlike acts repealed!
For this alone, in this thy hold,
Thou Goddess with the helm of gold,
We laid hands on thy sanctuary,
Athene.... Then our ally be
And where they cast their fires of slaughter
Direct our water!
STRATYLLIS (caught)
Let me go!
WOMEN
You villainous old men, what's this you do?
No honest man, no pious man, could do such things as you.
MEN
Ah ha, here's something most original, I have no doubt:
A swarm of women sentinels to man the walls without.
WOMEN
So then we scare you, do we? Do we seem a fearful host?
You only see the smallest fraction mustered at this post.
MEN
Ho, Phaedrias, shall we put a stop to all these chattering tricks?
Suppose that now upon their backs we splintered these our sticks?
WOMEN
Let us lay down the pitchers, so our bodies will be free,
In case these lumping fellows try to cause some injury.
MEN
O hit them hard and hit again and hit until they run away,
And perhaps they'll learn, like Bupalus, not to have too much to say.
WOMEN
Come on, then--do it! I won't budge, but like a dog I'll bite
At every little scrap of meat that dangles in my sight.
MEN
Be quiet, or I'll bash you out of any years to come.
WOMEN
Now you just touch Stratyllis with the top-joint of your thumb.
MEN
What vengeance can you take if with my fists your face I beat?
WOMEN
I'll rip you with my teeth and strew your entrails at your feet.
MEN
Now I appreciate Euripides' strange subtlety:
Woman is the most shameless beast of all the beasts that be.
WOMEN
Rhodippe, come, and let's pick up our water-jars once more.
MEN
Ah cursed drab, what have you brought this water for?
WOMEN
What is your fire for then, you smelly corpse? Yourself to burn?
MEN
To build a pyre and make your comrades ready for the urn.
WOMEN
And I've the water to put out your fire immediately.
MEN
What, you put out my fire?
WOMEN
Yes, sirrah, as you soon will see.
MEN
I don't know why I hesitate to roast you with this flame.
WOMEN
If you have any soap you'll go off cleaner than you came.
MEN
Cleaner, you dirty slut?
WOMEN
A nuptial-bath in which to lie!
MEN
Did you hear that insolence?
WOMEN
I'm a free woman, I.
MEN
I'll make you hold your tongue.
WOMEN
Henceforth you'll serve in no more juries.
MEN
Burn off her hair for her.
WOMEN
Now forward, water, quench their furies!
MEN
O dear, O dear!
WOMEN
So ... was it hot?
MEN
Hot! ... Enough, O hold.
WOMEN
Watered, perhaps you'll bloom again--why not?
MEN
Brrr, I'm wrinkled up from shivering with cold.
WOMEN
Next time you've fire you'll warm yourself and leave us to our lot.
MAGISTRATE enters with attendant SCYTHIANS.
MAGISTRATE
Have the luxurious rites of the women glittered
Their libertine show, their drumming tapped out crowds,
The Sabazian Mysteries summoned their mob,
Adonis been wept to death on the terraces,
As I could hear the last day in the Assembly?
For Demostratus--let bad luck befoul him--
Was roaring, "We must sail for Sicily,"
While a woman, throwing herself about in a dance
Lopsided with drink, was shrilling out "Adonis,
Woe for Adonis." Then Demostratus shouted,
"We must levy hoplites at Zacynthus,"
And there the woman, up to the ears in wine,
Was screaming "Weep for Adonis" on the house-top,
The scoundrelly politician, that lunatic ox,
Bellowing bad advice through tipsy shrieks:
Such are the follies wantoning in them.
MEN
O if you knew their full effrontery!
All of the insults they've done, besides sousing us
With water from their pots to our public disgrace
For we stand here wringing our clothes like grown-up infants.
MAGISTRATE
By Poseidon, justly done! For in part with us
The blame must lie for dissolute behaviour
And for the pampered appetites they learn.
Thus grows the seedling lust to blossoming:
We go into a shop and say, "Here, goldsmith,
You remember the necklace that you wrought my wife;
Well, the other night in fervour of a dance
Her clasp broke open. Now I'm off for Salamis;
If you've the leisure, would you go tonight
And stick a bolt-pin into her opened clasp."
Another goes to a cobbler; a soldierly fellow,
Always standing up erect, and says to him,
"Cobbler, a sandal-strap of my wife's pinches her,
Hurts her little toe in a place where she's sensitive.
Come at noon and see if you can stretch out wider
This thing that troubles her, loosen its tightness."
And so you view the result. Observe my case--
I, a magistrate, come here to draw
Money to buy oar-blades, and what happens?
The women slam the door full in my face.
But standing still's no use. Bring me a crowbar,
And I'll chastise this their impertinence.
What do you gape at, wretch, with dazzled eyes?
Peering for a tavern, I suppose.
Come, force the gates with crowbars, prise them apart!
I'll prise away myself too.... (LYSISTRATA appears.)
LYSISTRATA
Stop this banging.
I'm coming of my own accord.... Why bars?
It is not bars we need but common sense.
MAGISTRATE
Indeed, you slut! Where is the archer now?
Arrest this woman, tie her hands behind.
LYSISTRATA
If he brushes me with a finger, by Artemis,
The public menial, he'll be sorry for it.
MAGISTRATE
Are you afraid? Grab her about the middle.
Two of you then, lay hands on her and end it.
CALONICE
By Pandrosos I if your hand touches her
I'll spread you out and trample on your guts.
MAGISTRATE
My guts! Where is the other archer gone?
Bind that minx there who talks so prettily.
MYRRHINE
By Phosphor, if your hand moves out her way
You'd better have a surgeon somewhere handy.
MAGISTRATE
You too! Where is that archer? Take that woman.
I'll put a stop to these surprise-parties.
STRATYLLIS
By the Tauric Artemis, one inch nearer
My fingers, and it's a bald man that'll be yelling.
MAGISTRATE
Tut tut, what's here? Deserted by my archers....
But surely women never can defeat us;
Close up your ranks, my Scythians. Forward at them.
LYSISTRATA
By the Goddesses, you'll find that here await you
Four companies of most pugnacious women
Armed cap-a-pie from the topmost louring curl
To the lowest angry dimple.
MAGISTRATE
On, Scythians, bind them.
LYSISTRATA
On, gallant allies of our high design,
Vendors of grain-eggs-pulse-and-vegetables,
Ye garlic-tavern-keepers of bakeries,
Strike, batter, knock, hit, slap, and scratch our foes,
Be finely imprudent, say what you think of them....
Enough! retire and do not rob the dead.
MAGISTRATE
How basely did my archer-force come off.
LYSISTRATA
Ah, ha, you thought it was a herd of slaves
You had to tackle, and you didn't guess
The thirst for glory ardent in our blood.
MAGISTRATE
By Apollo, I know well the thirst that heats you--
Especially when a wine-skin's close.
MEN
You waste your breath, dear magistrate, I fear, in answering back.
What's the good of argument with such a rampageous pack?
Remember how they washed us down (these very clothes I wore)
With water that looked nasty and that smelt so even more.
WOMEN
What else to do, since you advanced too dangerously nigh.
If you should do the same again, I'll punch you in the eye.
Though I'm a stay-at-home and most a quiet life enjoy,
Polite to all and every (for I'm naturally coy),
Still if you wake a wasps' nest then of wasps you must beware.
MEN
How may this ferocity be tamed? It grows too great to bear.
Let us question them and find if they'll perchance declare
The reason why they strangely dare
To seize on Cranaos' citadel,
This eyrie inaccessible,
This shrine above the precipice,
The Acropolis.
Probe them and find what they mean with this idle talk; listen,
but watch they don't try to deceive.
You'd be neglecting your duty most certainly if now this mystery
unplumbed you leave.
MAGISTRATE
Women there! Tell what I ask you, directly....
Come, without rambling, I wish you to state
What's your rebellious intention in barring up thus on our noses
our own temple-gate.
LYSISTRATA
To take first the treasury out of your management, and so stop the war
through the absence of gold.
MAGISTRATE
Is gold then the cause of the war?
LYSISTRATA
Yes, gold caused it and miseries more, too many to be told.
'Twas for money, and money alone, that Pisander with all of the army of
mob-agitators.
Raised up revolutions. But, as for the future, it won't be worth while
to set up to be traitors.
Not an obol they'll get as their loot, not an obol! while we have the
treasure-chest in our command.
MAGISTRATE
What then is that you propose?
LYSISTRATA
Just this--merely to take the exchequer henceforth in hand.
MAGISTRATE
The exchequer!
LYSISTRATA
Yes, why not? Of our capabilities you have had various clear evidences.
Firstly remember we have always administered soundly the budget of all
home-expenses.
MAGISTRATE
But this matter's different.
LYSISTRATA
How is it different?
MAGISTRATE
Why, it deals chiefly with war-time supplies.
LYSISTRATA
But we abolish war straight by our policy.
MAGISTRATE
What will you do if emergencies arise?
LYSISTRATA
Face them our own way.
MAGISTRATE
What you will?
LYSISTRATA
Yes we will!
MAGISTRATE
Then there's no help for it; we're all destroyed.
LYSISTRATA
No, willy-nilly you must be safeguarded.
MAGISTRATE
What madness is this?
LYSISTRATA
Why, it seems you're annoyed.
It must be done, that's all.
MAGISTRATE
Such awful oppression never,
O never in the past yet I bore.
LYSISTRATA
You must be saved, sirrah--that's all there is to it.
MAGISTRATE
If we don't want to be saved?
LYSISTRATA
All the more.
MAGISTRATE
Why do you women come prying and meddling in matters of state touching
war-time and peace?
LYSISTRATA
That I will tell you.
MAGISTRATE
O tell me or quickly I'll--
LYSISTRATA
Hearken awhile and from threatening cease.
MAGISTRATE
I cannot, I cannot; it's growing too insolent.
WOMEN
Come on; you've far more than we have to dread.
MAGISTRATE
Stop from your croaking, old carrion-crow there....
Continue.
LYSISTRATA
Be calm then and I'll go ahead.
All the long years when the hopeless war dragged along we, unassuming,
forgotten in quiet,
Endured without question, endured in our loneliness all your incessant
child's antics and riot.
Our lips we kept tied, though aching with silence, though well all the
while in our silence we knew
How wretchedly everything still was progressing by listening dumbly the
day long to you.
For always at home you continued discussing the war and its politics
loudly, and we
Sometimes would ask you, our hearts deep with sorrowing though we spoke
lightly, though happy to see,
"What's to be inscribed on the side of the Treaty-stone
What, dear, was said in the Assembly today?"
"Mind your own business," he'd answer me growlingly
"hold your tongue, woman, or else go away."
And so I would hold it.
WOMEN
I'd not be silent for any man living on earth, no, not I!
MAGISTRATE
Not for a staff?
LYSISTRATA
Well, so I did nothing but sit in the house, feeling dreary, and sigh,
While ever arrived some fresh tale of decisions more foolish by far and
presaging disaster.
Then I would say to him, "O my dear husband, why still do they rush on
destruction the faster?"
At which he would look at me sideways, exclaiming, "Keep for your web
and your shuttle your care,
Or for some hours hence your cheeks will be sore and hot; leave this
alone, war is Man's sole affair!"
MAGISTRATE
By Zeus, but a man of fine sense, he.
LYSISTRATA
How sensible?
You dotard, because he at no time had lent
His intractable ears to absorb from our counsel one temperate word of
advice, kindly meant?
But when at the last in the streets we heard shouted (everywhere ringing
the ominous cry)
"Is there no one to help us, no saviour in Athens?" and, "No, there is
no one," come back in reply.
At once a convention of all wives through Hellas here for a serious
purpose was held,
To determine how husbands might yet back to wisdom despite their
reluctance in time be compelled.
Why then delay any longer? It's settled. For the future you'll take
up our old occupation.
Now in turn you're to hold tongue, as we did, and listen while we show
the way to recover the nation.
MAGISTRATE
You talk to us! Why, you're mad. I'll not stand it.
LYSISTRATA
Cease babbling, you fool; till I end, hold your tongue.
MAGISTRATE
If I should take orders from one who wears veils, may my
neck straightaway be deservedly wrung.
LYSISTRATA
O if that keeps pestering you,
I've a veil here for your hair,
I'll fit you out in everything
As is only fair.
CALONICE
Here's a spindle that will do.
MYRRHINE
I'll add a wool-basket too.
LYSISTRATA
Girdled now sit humbly at home,
Munching beans, while you card wool and comb. For war from now on
is the Women's affair.
WOMEN.
Come then, down pitchers, all,
And on, courageous of heart,
In our comradely venture
Each taking her due part.
I could dance, dance, dance, and be fresher after,
I could dance away numberless suns,
To no weariness let my knees bend.
Earth I could brave with laughter,
Having such wonderful girls here to friend.
O the daring, the gracious, the beautiful ones!
Their courage unswerving and witty
Will rescue our city.
O sprung from the seed of most valiant-wombed grand-mothers,
scions of savage and dangerous nettles!
Prepare for the battle, all. Gird up your angers. Our way
the wind of sweet victory settles.
LYSISTRATA
O tender Eros and Lady of Cyprus, some flush of beauty I
pray you devise
To flash on our bosoms and, O Aphrodite, rosily gleam on
our valorous thighs!
Joy will raise up its head through the legions warring and
all of the far-serried ranks of mad-love
Bristle the earth to the pillared horizon, pointing in vain to
the heavens above.
I think that perhaps then they'll give us our title--
Peace-makers.
MAGISTRATE
What do you mean? Please explain.
LYSISTRATA
First, we'll not see you now flourishing arms about into the
Marketing-place clang again.
WOMEN
No, by the Paphian.
LYSISTRATA
Still I can conjure them as past were the herbs stand or crockery's sold
Like Corybants jingling (poor sots) fully armoured, they noisily round
on their promenade strolled.
MAGISTRATE
And rightly; that's discipline, they--
LYSISTRATA
But what's sillier than to go on an errand of buying a fish
Carrying along an immense. Gorgon-buckler instead the usual platter
or dish?
A phylarch I lately saw, mounted on horse-back, dressed for the part
with long ringlets and all,
Stow in his helmet the omelet bought steaming from an old woman who
kept a food-stall.
Nearby a soldier, a Thracian, was shaking wildly his spear like Tereus
in the play,
To frighten a fig-girl while unseen the ruffian filched from her
fruit-trays the ripest away.
MAGISTRATE
How, may I ask, will your rule re-establish order and justice in lands
so tormented?
LYSISTRATA
Nothing is easier.
MAGISTRATE
Out with it speedily--what is this plan that you boast you've invented?
LYSISTRATA
If, when yarn we are winding, It chances to tangle, then, as perchance you
may know, through the skein
This way and that still the spool we keep passing till it is finally clear
all again:
So to untangle the War and its errors, ambassadors out on all sides we will
send
This way and that, here, there and round about--soon you will find that the
War has an end.
MAGISTRATE
So with these trivial tricks of the household, domestic analogies of
threads, skeins and spools,
You think that you'll solve such a bitter complexity, unwind such political
problems, you fools!
LYSISTRATA
Well, first as we wash dirty wool so's to cleanse it, so with a pitiless
zeal we will scrub
Through the whole city for all greasy fellows; burrs too, the parasites,
off we will rub.
That verminous plague of insensate place-seekers soon between thumb and
forefinger we'll crack.
All who inside Athens' walls have their dwelling into one great common
basket we'll pack.
Disenfranchised or citizens, allies or aliens, pell-mell the lot of them
in we will squeeze.
Till they discover humanity's meaning.... As for disjointed and far
colonies,
Them you must never from this time imagine as scattered about just like
lost hanks of wool.
Each portion we'll take and wind in to this centre, inward to Athens
each loyalty pull,
Till from the vast heap where all's piled together at last can be woven
a strong Cloak of State.
MAGISTRATE
How terrible is it to stand here and watch them carding and winding at
will with our fate,
Witless in war as they are.
LYSISTRATA
What of us then, who ever in vain for our children must weep
Borne but to perish afar and in vain?
MAGISTRATE
Not that, O let that one memory sleep!
LYSISTRATA
Then while we should be companioned still merrily, happy as brides may,
the livelong night,
Kissing youth by, we are forced to lie single.... But leave for a moment
our pitiful plight,
It hurts even more to behold the poor maidens helpless wrinkling in
staler virginity.
MAGISTRATE
Does not a man age?
LYSISTRATA
Not in the same way. Not as a woman grows withered, grows he.
He, when returned from the war, though grey-headed, yet
if he wishes can choose out a wife.
But she has no solace save peering for omens, wretched and
lonely the rest of her life.
MAGISTRATE
But the old man will often select--
LYSISTRATA
O why not finish and die?
A bier is easy to buy,
A honey-cake I'll knead you with joy,
This garland will see you are decked.
CALONICE
I've a wreath for you too.
MYRRHINE
I also will fillet you.
LYSISTRATA
What more is lacking? Step aboard the boat.
See, Charon shouts ahoy.
You're keeping him, he wants to shove afloat.
MAGISTRATE
Outrageous insults! Thus my place to flout!
Now to my fellow-magistrates I'll go
And what you've perpetrated on me show.
LYSISTRATA
Why are you blaming us for laying you out?
Assure yourself we'll not forget to make
The third day offering early for your sake.
MAGISTRATE retires, LYSISTRATA returns within.
OLD MEN.
All men who call your loins your own, awake at last, arise
And strip to stand in readiness. For as it seems to me
Some more perilous offensive in their heads they now devise.
I'm sure a Tyranny
Like that of Hippias
In this I detect....
They mean to put us under
Themselves I suspect,
And that Laconians assembling
At Cleisthenes' house have played
A trick-of-war and provoked them
Madly to raid
The Treasury, in which term I include
The Pay for my food.
For is it not preposterous
They should talk this way to us
On a subject such as battle!
And, women as they are, about bronze bucklers dare prattle--
Make alliance with the Spartans--people I for one
Like very hungry wolves would always most sincere shun....
Some dirty game is up their sleeve,
I believe.
A Tyranny, no doubt... but they won't catch me, that know.
Henceforth on my guard I'll go,
A sword with myrtle-branches wreathed for ever in my hand,
And under arms in the Public Place I'll take my watchful stand,
Shoulder to shoulder with Aristogeiton. Now my staff I'll draw
And start at once by knocking
that shocking
Hag upon the jaw.
WOMEN.
Your own mother will not know you when you get back to the town.
But first, my friends and allies, let us lay these garments down,
And all ye fellow-citizens, hark to me while I tell
What will aid Athens well.
Just as is right, for I
Have been a sharer
In all the lavish splendour
Of the proud city.
I bore the holy vessels
At seven, then
I pounded barley
At the age of ten,
And clad in yellow robes,
Soon after this,
I was Little Bear to
Brauronian Artemis;
Then neckletted with figs,
Grown tall and pretty,
I was a Basket-bearer,
And so it's obvious I should
Give you advice that I think good,
The very best I can.
It should not prejudice my voice that I'm not born a man,
If I say something advantageous to the present situation.
For I'm taxed too, and as a toll provide men for the nation
While, miserable greybeards, you,
It is true,
Contribute nothing of any importance whatever to our needs;
But the treasure raised against the Medes
You've squandered, and do nothing in return, save that you make
Our lives and persons hazardous by some imbecile mistakes
What can you answer? Now be careful, don't arouse my spite,
Or with my slipper I'll take you napping,
faces slapping
Left and right.
MEN.
What villainies they contrive!
Come, let vengeance fall,
You that below the waist are still alive,
Off with your tunics at my call--
Naked, all.
For a man must strip to battle like a man.
No quaking, brave steps taking, careless what's ahead, white shoed,
in the nude, onward bold,
All ye who garrisoned Leipsidrion of old....
Let each one wag
As youthfully as he can,
And if he has the cause at heart
Rise at least a span.
We must take a stand and keep to it,
For if we yield the smallest bit
To their importunity.
Then nowhere from their inroads will be left to us immunity.
But they'll be building ships and soon their navies will attack us,
As Artemisia did, and seek to fight us and to sack us.
And if they mount, the Knights they'll rob
Of a job,
For everyone knows how talented they all are in the saddle,
Having long practised how to straddle;
No matter how they're jogged there up and down, they're never thrown.
Then think of Myron's painting, and each horse-backed Amazon
In combat hand-to-hand with men.... Come, on these women fall,
And in pierced wood-collars let's stick
quick
The necks of one and all.
WOMEN.
Don't cross me or I'll loose
The Beast that's kennelled here....
And soon you will be howling for a truce,
Howling out with fear.
But my dear,
Strip also, that women may battle unhindered....
But you, you'll be too sore to eat garlic more, or one black bean,
I really mean, so great's my spleen, to kick you black and blue
With these my dangerous legs.
I'll hatch the lot of you,
If my rage you dash on,
The way the relentless Beetle
Hatched the Eagle's eggs.
Scornfully aside I set
Every silly old-man threat
While Lampito's with me.
Or dear Ismenia, the noble Theban girl. Then let decree
Be hotly piled upon decree; in vain will be your labours,
You futile rogue abominated by your suffering neighbour
To Hecate's feast I yesterday went.
Off I sent
To our neighbours in Boeotia, asking as a gift to me
For them to pack immediately
That darling dainty thing ... a good fat eel [1] I meant of course;
But they refused because some idiotic old decree's in force.
O this strange passion for decrees nothing on earth can check,
Till someone puts a foot out tripping you,
and slipping you
Break your neck.
LYSISTRATA enters in dismay.
WOMEN
Dear Mistress of our martial enterprise,
Why do you come with sorrow in your eyes?
LYSISTRATA
O 'tis our naughty femininity,
So weak in one spot, that hath saddened me.
WOMEN
What's this? Please speak.
LYSISTRATA
Poor women, O so weak!
WOMEN
What can it be? Surely your friends may know.
LYSISTRATA
Yea, I must speak it though it hurt me so.
WOMEN
Speak; can we help? Don't stand there mute in need.
LYSISTRATA
I'll blurt it out then--our women's army's mutinied.
WOMEN
O Zeus!
LYSISTRATA
What use is Zeus to our anatomy?
Here is the gaping calamity I meant:
I cannot shut their ravenous appetites
A moment more now. They are all deserting.
The first I caught was sidling through the postern
Close by the Cave of Pan: the next hoisting herself
With rope and pulley down: a third on the point
Of slipping past: while a fourth malcontent, seated
For instant flight to visit Orsilochus
On bird-back, I dragged off by the hair in time....
They are all snatching excuses to sneak home.
Look, there goes one.... Hey, what's the hurry?
1ST WOMAN
I must get home. I've some Milesian wool
Packed wasting away, and moths are pushing through it.
LYSISTRATA
Fine moths indeed, I know. Get back within.
1ST WOMAN
By the Goddesses, I'll return instantly.
I only want to stretch it on my bed.
LYSISTRATA
You shall stretch nothing and go nowhere either.
1ST WOMAN
Must I never use my wool then?
LYSISTRATA
If needs be.
2ND WOMAN
How unfortunate I am! O my poor flax!
It's left at home unstript.
LYSISTRATA
So here's another
That wishes to go home and strip her flax.
Inside again!
2ND WOMAN
No, by the Goddess of Light,
I'll be back as soon as I have flayed it properly.
LYSISTRATA
You'll not flay anything. For if you begin
There'll not be one here but has a patch to be flayed.
3RD WOMAN
O holy Eilithyia, stay this birth
Till I have left the precincts of the place!
LYSISTRATA
What nonsense is this?
3RD WOMAN
I'll drop it any minute.
LYSISTRATA
Yesterday you weren't with child.
3RD WOMAN
But I am today.
O let me find a midwife, Lysistrata.
O quickly!
LYSISTRATA
Now what story is this you tell?
What is this hard lump here?
3RD WOMAN
It's a male child.
LYSISTRATA
By Aphrodite, it isn't. Your belly's hollow,
And it has the feel of metal.... Well, I soon can see.
You hussy, it's Athene's sacred helm,
And you said you were with child.
3RD WOMAN
And so I am.
LYSISTRATA
Then why the helm?
3RD WOMAN
So if the throes should take me
Still in these grounds I could use it like a dove
As a laying-nest in which to drop the child.
LYSISTRATA
More pretexts! You can't hide your clear intent,
And anyway why not wait till the tenth day
Meditating a brazen name for your brass brat?
WOMAN
And I can't sleep a wink. My nerve is gone
Since I saw that snake-sentinel of the shrine.
WOMAN
And all those dreadful owls with their weird hooting!
Though I'm wearied out, I can't close an eye.
LYSISTRATA
You wicked women, cease from juggling lies.
You want your men. But what of them as well?
They toss as sleepless in the lonely night,
I'm sure of it. Hold out awhile, hold out,
But persevere a teeny-weeny longer.
An oracle has promised Victory
If we don't wrangle. Would you hear the words?
WOMEN
Yes, yes, what is it?
LYSISTRATA
Silence then, you chatterboxes.
Here--
Whenas the swallows flocking in one place from the hoopoes
Deny themselves love's gambols any more,
All woes shall then have ending and great Zeus the Thunderer
Shall put above what was below before.
WOMEN
Will the men then always be kept under us?
LYSISTRATA
But if the swallows squabble among themselves and fly away
Out of the temple, refusing to agree,
Then The Most Wanton Birds in all the World
They shall be named for ever. That's his decree.
WOMAN
It's obvious what it means.\
LYSISTRATA
Now by all the gods
We must let no agony deter from duty,
Back to your quarters. For we are base indeed,
My friends, if we betray the oracle.
She goes out.
OLD MEN.
I'd like to remind you of a fable they used to employ,
When I was a little boy:
How once through fear of the marriage-bed a young man,
Melanion by name, to the wilderness ran,
And there on the hills he dwelt.
For hares he wove a net
Which with his dog he set--
Most likely he's there yet.
For he never came back home, so great was the fear he felt.
I loathe the sex as much as he,
And therefore I no less shall be
As chaste as was Melanion.
MAN
Grann'am, do you much mind men?
WOMAN
Onions you won't need, to cry.
MAN
From my foot you shan't escape.
WOMAN
What thick forests I espy.
MEN
So much Myronides' fierce beard
And thundering black back were feared,
That the foe fled when they were shown--
Brave he as Phormion.
WOMEN.
Well, I'll relate a rival fable just to show to you
A different point of view:
There was a rough-hewn fellow, Timon, with a face
That glowered as through a thorn-bush in a wild, bleak place.
He too decided on flight,
This very Furies' son,
All the world's ways to shun
And hide from everyone,
Spitting out curses on all knavish men to left and right.
But though he reared this hate for men,
He loved the women even then,
And never thought them enemies.
WOMAN
O your jaw I'd like to break.
MAN
That I fear do you suppose?
WOMAN
Learn what kicks my legs can make.
MAN
Raise them up, and you'll expose--
WOMAN
Nay, you'll see there, I engage,
All is well kept despite my age,
And tended smooth enough to slip
From any adversary's grip.
LYSISTRATA appears.
LYSISTRATA
Hollo there, hasten hither to me
Skip fast along.
WOMAN
What is this? Why the noise?
LYSISTRATA
A man, a man! I spy a frenzied man!
He carries Love upon him like a staff.
O Lady of Cyprus, and Cythera, and Paphos,
I beseech you, keep our minds and hands to the oath.
WOMAN
Where is he, whoever he is?
LYSISTRATA
By the Temple of Chloe.
WOMAN
Yes, now I see him, but who can he be?
LYSISTRATA
Look at him. Does anyone recognise his face?
MYRRHINE
I do. He is my husband, Cinesias.
LYSISTRATA
You know how to work. Play with him, lead him on,
Seduce him to the cozening-point--kiss him, kiss him,
Then slip your mouth aside just as he's sure of it,
Ungirdle every caress his mouth feels at
Save that the oath upon the bowl has locked.
MYRRHINE
You can rely on me.
LYSISTRATA
I'll stay here to help
In working up his ardor to its height
Of vain magnificence.... The rest to their quarters.
Enter CINESIAS.
Who is this that stands within our lines?
CINESIAS
I.
LYSISTRATA
A man?
CINESIAS
Too much a man!
LYSISTRATA
Then be off at once.
CINESIAS
Who are you that thus eject me?
LYSISTRATA
Guard for the day.
CINESIAS
By all the gods, then call Myrrhine hither.
LYSISTRATA
So, call Myrrhine hither! Who are you?
CINESIAS
I am her husband Cinesias, son of Anthros.
LYSISTRATA
Welcome, dear friend! That glorious name of yours
Is quite familiar in our ranks. Your wife
Continually has it in her mouth.
She cannot touch an apple or an egg
But she must say, "This to Cinesias!"
CINESIAS
O is that true?
LYSISTRATA
By Aphrodite, it is.
If the conversation strikes on men, your wife
Cuts in with, "All are boobies by Cinesias."
CINESIAS
Then call her here.
LYSISTRATA
And what am I to get?
CINESIAS
This, if you want it.... See, what I have here.
But not to take away.
LYSISTRATA
Then I'll call her.
CINESIAS
Be quick, be quick. All grace is wiped from life
Since she went away. O sad, sad am I
When there I enter on that loneliness,
And wine is unvintaged of the sun's flavour.
And food is tasteless. But I've put on weight.
MYRRHINE (above)
I love him O so much! but he won't have it.
Don't call me down to him.
CINESIAS
Sweet little Myrrhine!
What do you mean? Come here.
MYRRHINE
O no I won't.
Why are you calling me? You don't want me.
CINESIAS
Not want you! with this week-old strength of love.
MYRRHINE
Farewell.
CINESIAS
Don't go, please don't go, Myrrhine.
At least you'll hear our child. Call your mother, lad.
CHILD
Mummy ... mummy ... mummy!
CINESIAS
There now, don't you feel pity for the child?
He's not been fed or washed now for six days.
MYRRHINE
I certainly pity him with so heartless a father.
CINESIAS
Come down, my sweetest, come for the child's sake.
MYRRHINE
A trying life it is to be a mother!
I suppose I'd better go. She comes down.
CINESIAS
How much younger she looks,
How fresher and how prettier! Myrrhine,
Lift up your lovely face, your disdainful face;
And your ankle ... let your scorn step out its worst;
It only rubs me to more ardor here.
MYRRHINE (playing with the child)
You're as innocent as he's iniquitous.
Let me kiss you, honey-petting, mother's darling.
CINESIAS
How wrong to follow other women's counsel
And let loose all these throbbing voids in yourself
As well as in me. Don't you go throb-throb?
MYRRHINE
Take away your hands.
CINESIAS
Everything in the house
Is being ruined.
MYRRHINE
I don't care at all.
CINESIAS
The roosters are picking all your web to rags.
Do you mind that?
MYRRHINE
Not I.
CINESIAS
What time we've wasted
We might have drenched with Paphian laughter, flung
On Aphrodite's Mysteries. O come here.
MYRRHINE
Not till a treaty finishes the war.
CINESIAS
If you must have it, then we'll get it done.
MYRRHINE
Do it and I'll come home. Till then I am bound.
CINESIAS
Well, can't your oath perhaps be got around?
MYRRHINE
No ... no ... still I'll not say that I don't love you.
CINESIAS
You love me! Then dear girl, let me also love you.
MYRRHINE
You must be joking. The boy's looking on.
CINESIAS
Here, Manes, take the child home!... There, he's gone.
There's nothing in the way now. Come to the point.
MYRRHINE
Here in the open! In plain sight?
CINESIAS
In Pan's cave.
A splendid place.
MYRRHINE
Where shall I dress my hair again
Before returning to the citadel?
CINESIAS
You can easily primp yourself in the Clepsydra.
MYRRHINE
But how can I break my oath?
CINESIAS
Leave that to me,
I'll take all risk.
MYRRHINE
Well, I'll make you comfortable.
CINESIAS
Don't worry. I'd as soon lie on the grass.
MYRRHINE
No, by Apollo, in spite of all your faults
I won't have you lying on the nasty earth.
(From here MYRRHINE keeps on going off to fetch things.)
CINESIAS
Ah, how she loves me.
MYRRHINE
Rest there on the bench,
While I arrange my clothes. O what a nuisance,
I must find some cushions first.
CINESIAS
Why some cushions?
Please don't get them!
MYRRHINE
What? The plain, hard wood?
Never, by Artemis! That would be too vulgar.
CINESIAS
Open your arms!
MYRRHINE
No. Wait a second.
CINESIAS
O....
Then hurry back again.
MYRRHINE
Here the cushions are.
Lie down while I--O dear! But what a shame,
You need more pillows.
CINESIAS
I don't want them, dear.
MYRRHINE
But I do.
CINESIAS
Thwarted affection mine,
They treat you just like Heracles at a feast
With cheats of dainties, O disappointing arms!
MYRRHINE
Raise up your head.
CINESIAS
There, that's everything at last.
MYRRHINE
Yes, all.
CINESIAS
Then run to my arms, you golden girl.
MYRRHINE
I'm loosening my girdle now. But you've not forgotten?
You're not deceiving me about the Treaty?
CINESIAS
No, by my life, I'm not.
MYRRHINE
Why, you've no blanket.
CINESIAS
It's not the silly blanket's warmth but yours I want.
MYRRHINE
Never mind. You'll soon have both. I'll come straight back.
CINESIAS
The woman will choke me with her coverlets.
MYRRHINE
Get up a moment.
CINESIAS
I'm up high enough.
MYRRHINE
Would you like me to perfume you?
CINESIAS
By Apollo, no!
MYRRHINE
By Aphrodite, I'll do it anyway.
CINESIAS
Lord Zeus, may she soon use up all the myrrh.
MYRRHINE
Stretch out your hand. Take it and rub it in.
CINESIAS
Hmm, it's not as fragrant as might be; that is,
Not before it's smeared. It doesn't smell of kisses.
MYRRHINE
How silly I am: I've brought you Rhodian scents.
CINESIAS
It's good enough, leave it, love.
MYRRHINE
You must be jesting.
CINESIAS
Plague rack the man who first compounded scent!
MYRRHINE
Here, take this flask.
CINESIAS
I've a far better one.
Don't tease me, come here, and get nothing more.
MYRRHINE
I'm coming.... I'm just drawing off my shoes....
You're sure you will vote for Peace?
CINESIAS
I'll think about it.
She runs off.
I'm dead: the woman's worn me all away.
She's gone and left me with an anguished pulse.
MEN
Baulked in your amorous delight
How melancholy is your plight.
With sympathy your case I view;
For I am sure it's hard on you.
What human being could sustain
This unforeseen domestic strain,
And not a single trace
Of willing women in the place!
CINESIAS
O Zeus, what throbbing suffering!
MEN
She did it all, the harlot, she
With her atrocious harlotry.
WOMEN
Nay, rather call her darling-sweet.
MEN
What, sweet? She's a rude, wicked thing.
CINESIAS
A wicked thing, as I repeat.
O Zeus, O Zeus,
Canst Thou not suddenly let loose
Some twirling hurricane to tear
Her flapping up along the air
And drop her, when she's whirled around,
Here to the ground
Neatly impaled upon the stake
That's ready upright for her sake.
He goes out.
Enter SPARTAN HERALD.
The MAGISTRATE comes forward.
HERALD
What here gabs the Senate an' the Prytanes?
I've fetcht despatches for them.
MAGISTRATE
Are you a man
Or a monstrosity?
HERALD
My scrimp-brained lad,
I'm a herald, as ye see, who hae come frae Sparta
Anent a Peace.
MAGISTRATE
Then why do you hide that lance
That sticks out under your arms?
HERALD.
I've brought no lance.
MAGISTRATE
Then why do you turn aside and hold your cloak
So far out from your body? Is your groin swollen
With stress of travelling?
HERALD
By Castor, I'll swear
The man is wud.
MAGISTRATE
Indeed, your cloak is wide,
My rascal fellow.
HERALD
But I tell ye No!
Enow o' fleering!
MAGISTRATE
Well, what is it then?
HERALD
It's my despatch cane.
MAGISTRATE
Of course--a Spartan cane!
But speak right out. I know all this too well.
Are new privations springing up in Sparta?
HERALD
Och, hard as could be: in lofty lusty columns
Our allies stand united. We maun get Pellene.
MAGISTRATE
Whence has this evil come? Is it from Pan?
HERALD
No. Lampito first ran asklent, then the others
Sprinted after her example, and blocked, the hizzies,
Their wames unskaithed against our every fleech.
MAGISTRATE
What did you do?
HERALD
We are broken, and bent double,
Limp like men carrying lanthorns in great winds
About the city. They winna let us even
Wi' lightest neif skim their primsie pretties
Till we've concluded Peace-terms wi' a' Hellas.
MAGISTRATE
So the conspiracy is universal;
This proves it. Then return to Sparta. Bid them
Send envoys with full powers to treat of Peace;
And I will urge the Senate here to choose
Plenipotentiary ambassadors,
As argument adducing this connection.
HERALD
I'm off. Your wisdom none could contravert.
They retire.
MEN
There is no beast, no rush of fire, like woman so untamed.
She calmly goes her way where even panthers would be shamed.
WOMEN
And yet you are fool enough, it seems, to dare to war with me,
When for your faithful ally you might win me easily.
MEN
Never could the hate I feel for womankind grow less.
WOMEN
Then have your will. But I'll take pity on your nakedness.
For I can see just how ridiculous you look, and so
Will help you with your tunic if close up I now may go.
MEN
Well, that, by Zeus, is no scoundrel-deed, I frankly will admit.
I only took them off myself in a scoundrel raging-fit.
WOMEN
Now you look sensible, and that you're men no one could doubt.
If you were but good friends again, I'd take the insect out
That hurts your eye.
MEN
Is that what's wrong? That nasty bitie thing.
Please squeeze it out, and show me what it is that makes this sting.
It's been paining me a long while now.
WOMEN
Well I'll agree to that,
Although you're most unmannerly. O what a giant gnat.
Here, look! It comes from marshy Tricorysus, I can tell.
MEN
O thank you. It was digging out a veritable well.
Now that it's gone, I can't hold back my tears. See how they fall.
WOMEN
I'll wipe them off, bad as you are, and kiss you after all.
MEN
I won't be kissed.
WOMEN
O yes, you will. Your wishes do not matter.
MEN
O botheration take you all! How you cajole and flatter.
A hell it is to live with you; to live without, a hell:
How truly was that said. But come, these enmities let's quell.
You stop from giving orders and I'll stop from doing wrong.
So let's join ranks and seal our bargain with a choric song.
CHORUS.
Athenians, it's not our intention
To sow political dissension
By giving any scandal mention;
But on the contrary to promote good feeling in the state
By word and deed. We've had enough calamities of late.
So let a man or woman but divulge
They need a trifle, say,
Two minas, three or four,
I've purses here that bulge.
There's only one condition made
(Indulge my whim in this I pray)--
When Peace is signed once more,
On no account am I to be repaid.
And I'm making preparation
For a gay select collation
With some youths of reputation.
I've managed to produce some soup and they're slaughtering for me
A sucking-pig: its flesh should taste as tender as could be.
I shall expect you at my house today.
To the baths make an early visit,
And bring your children along;
Don't dawdle on the way.
Ask no one; enter as if the place
Was all your own--yours henceforth is it.
If nothing chances wrong,
The door will then be shut bang in your face.
The SPARTAN AMBASSADORS approach.
CHORUS
Here come the Spartan envoys with long, worried beards.
Hail, Spartans how do you fare?
Did anything new arise?
SPARTANS
No need for a clutter o' words. Do ye see our condition?
CHORUS
The situation swells to greater tension.
Something will explode soon.
SPARTANS
It's awfu' truly.
But come, let us wi' the best speed we may
Scribble a Peace.
CHORUS
I notice that our men
Like wrestlers poised for contest, hold their clothes
Out from their bellies. An athlete's malady!
Since exercise alone can bring relief.
ATHENIANS
Can anyone tell us where Lysistrata is?
There is no need to describe our men's condition,
It shows up plainly enough.
CHORUS
It's the same disease.
Do you feel a jerking throbbing in the morning?
ATHENIANS
By Zeus, yes! In these straits, I'm racked all through.
Unless Peace is soon declared, we shall be driven
In the void of women to try Cleisthenes.
CHORUS
Be wise and cover those things with your tunics.
Who knows what kind of person may perceive you?
ATHENIANS
By Zeus, you're right.
SPARTANS
By the Twa Goddesses,
Indeed ye are. Let's put our tunics on.
ATHENIANS
Hail O my fellow-sufferers, hail Spartans.
SPARTANS
O hinnie darling, what a waefu' thing!
If they had seen us wi' our lunging waddies!
ATHENIANS
Tell us then, Spartans, what has brought you here?
SPARTANS
We come to treat o' Peace.
ATHENIANS
Well spoken there!
And we the same. Let us callout Lysistrata
Since she alone can settle the Peace-terms.
SPARTANS
Callout Lysistratus too if ye don't mind.
CHORUS
No indeed. She hears your voices and she comes.
Enter LYSISTRATA
Hail, Wonder of all women! Now you must be in turn
Hard, shifting, clear, deceitful, noble, crafty, sweet, and stern.
The foremost men of Hellas, smitten by your fascination,
Have brought their tangled quarrels here for your sole arbitration.
LYSISTRATA
An easy task if the love's raging home-sickness
Doesn't start trying out how well each other
Will serve instead of us. But I'll know at once
If they do. O where's that girl, Reconciliation?
Bring first before me the Spartan delegates,
And see you lift no rude or violent hands--
None of the churlish ways our husbands used.
But lead them courteously, as women should.
And if they grudge fingers, guide them by other methods,
And introduce them with ready tact. The Athenians
Draw by whatever offers you a grip.
Now, Spartans, stay here facing me. Here you,
Athenians. Both hearken to my words.
I am a woman, but I'm not a fool.
And what of natural intelligence I own
Has been filled out with the remembered precepts
My father and the city-elders taught me.
First I reproach you both sides equally
That when at Pylae and Olympia,
At Pytho and the many other shrines
That I could name, you sprinkle from one cup
The altars common to all Hellenes, yet
You wrack Hellenic cities, bloody Hellas
With deaths of her own sons, while yonder clangs
The gathering menace of barbarians.
ATHENIANS
We cannot hold it in much longer now.
LYSISTRATA
Now unto you, O Spartans, do I speak.
Do you forget how your own countryman,
Pericleidas, once came hither suppliant
Before our altars, pale in his purple robes,
Praying for an army when in Messenia
Danger growled, and the Sea-god made earth quaver.
Then with four thousand hoplites Cimon marched
And saved all Sparta. Yet base ingrates now,
You are ravaging the soil of your preservers.
ATHENIANS
By Zeus, they do great wrong, Lysistrata.
SPARTANS
Great wrong, indeed. O! What a luscious wench!
LYSISTRATA
And now I turn to the Athenians.
Have you forgotten too how once the Spartans
In days when you wore slavish tunics, came
And with their spears broke a Thessalian host
And all the partisans of Hippias?
They alone stood by your shoulder on that day.
They freed you, so that for the slave's short skirt
You should wear the trailing cloak of liberty.
SPARTANS
I've never seen a nobler woman anywhere.
ATHENIANS
Nor I one with such prettily jointing hips.
LYSISTRATA
Now, brethren twined with mutual benefactions,
Can you still war, can you suffer such disgrace?
Why not be friends? What is there to prevent you?
SPARTANS
We're agreed, gin that we get this tempting Mole.
LYSISTRATA
Which one?
SPARTANS
That ane we've wanted to get into,
O for sae lang.... Pylos, of course.
ATHENIANS
By Poseidon,
Never!
LYSISTRATA
Give it up.
ATHENIANS
Then what will we do?
We need that ticklish place united to us--
LYSISTRATA
Ask for some other lurking-hole in return.
ATHENIANS
Then, ah, we'll choose this snug thing here, Echinus,
Shall we call the nestling spot? And this backside haven,
These desirable twin promontories, the Maliac,
And then of course these Megarean Legs.
SPARTANS
Not that, O surely not that, never that.
LYSISTRATA
Agree! Now what are two legs more or less?
ATHENIANS
I want to strip at once and plough my land.
SPARTANS
And mine I want to fertilize at once.
LYSISTRATA
And so you can, when Peace is once declared.
If you mean it, get your allies' heads together
And come to some decision.
ATHENIANS
What allies?
There's no distinction in our politics:
We've risen as one man to this conclusion;
Every ally is jumping-mad to drive it home.
SPARTANS
And ours the same, for sure.
ATHENIANS
The Carystians first!
I'll bet on that.
LYSISTRATA
I agree with all of you.
Now off, and cleanse yourselves for the Acropolis,
For we invite you all in to a supper
From our commissariat baskets. There at table
You will pledge good behaviour and uprightness;
Then each man's wife is his to hustle home.
ATHENIANS
Come, as quickly as possible.
SPARTANS
As quick as ye like.
Lead on.
ATHENIANS
O Zeus, quick, quick, lead quickly on.
They hurry off.
CHORUS.
Broidered stuffs on high I'm heaping,
Fashionable cloaks and sweeping
Trains, not even gold gawds keeping.
Take them all, I pray you, take them all (I do not care)
And deck your children--your daughter, if the Basket she's to bear.
Come, everyone of you, come in and take
Of this rich hoard a share.
Nought's tied so skilfully
But you its seal can break
And plunder all you spy inside.
I've laid out all that I can spare,
And therefore you will see
Nothing unless than I you're sharper-eyed.
If lacking corn a man should be
While his slaves clamour hungrily
And his excessive progeny,
Then I've a handfull of grain at home which is always to be had,
And to which in fact a more-than-life-size loaf I'd gladly add.
Then let the poor bring with them bag or sack
And take this store of food.
Manes, my man, I'll tell
To help them all to pack
Their wallets full. But O take care.
I had forgotten; don't intrude,
Or terrified you'll yell.
My dog is hungry too, and bites--beware!
Some LOUNGERS from the Market with torches approach
the Banqueting hall. The PORTER bars their entrance.
1ST MARKET-LOUNGER
Open the door.
PORTER
Here move along.
1ST MARKET-LOUNGER
What's this?
You're sitting down. Shall I singe you with my torch?
That's vulgar! O I couldn't do it ... yet
If it would gratify the audience,
I'll mortify myself.
2ND MARKET-LOUNGER
And I will too.
We'll both be crude and vulgar, yes we will.
PORTER
Be off at once now or you'll be wailing
Dirges for your hair. Get off at once,
And see you don't disturb the Spartan envoys
Just coming out from the splendid feast they've had.
The banqueters begin to come out.
1ST ATHENIAN
I've never known such a pleasant banquet before,
And what delightful fellows the Spartans are.
When we are warm with wine, how wise we grow.
2ND ATHENIAN
That's only fair, since sober we're such fools:
This is the advice I'd give the Athenians--
See our ambassadors are always drunk.
For when we visit Sparta sober, then
We're on the alert for trickery all the while
So that we miss half of the things they say,
And misinterpret things that were never said,
And then report the muddle back to Athens.
But now we're charmed with each other. They might cap
With the Telamon-catch instead of the Cleitagora,
And we'd applaud and praise them just the same;
We're not too scrupulous in weighing words.
PORTER
Why, here the rascals come again to plague me.
Won't you move on, you sorry loafers there!
MARKET-LOUNGER
Yes, by Zeus, they're already coming out.
SPARTANS
Now hinnie dearest, please tak' up your pipe
That I may try a spring an' sing my best
In honour o' the Athenians an' oursels.
ATHENIANS
Aye, take your pipe. By all the gods, there's nothing
Could glad my heart more than to watch you dance.
SPARTANS.
Mnemosyne,
Let thy fire storm these younkers,
O tongue wi' stormy ecstasy
My Muse that knows
Our deeds and theirs, how when at sea
Their navies swooped upon
The Medes at Artemision--
Gods for their courage, did they strike
Wrenching a triumph frae their foes;
While at Thermopylae
Leonidas' army stood: wild-boars they were like
Wild-boars that wi' fierce threat
Their terrible tusks whet;
The sweat ran streaming down each twisted face,
Faen blossoming i' strange petals o' death
Panted frae mortal breath,
The sweat drenched a' their bodies i' that place,
For the hurly-burly o' Persians glittered more
Than the sands on the shore.
Come, Hunting Girl, an' hear my prayer--
You whose arrows whizz in woodlands, come an' bless
This Peace we swear.
Let us be fenced wi' age long amity,
O let this bond stick ever firm through thee
In friendly happiness.
Henceforth no guilefu' perjury be seen!
O hither, hither O
Thou wildwood queen.
LYSISTRATA
Earth is delighted now, peace is the voice of earth.
Spartans, sort out your wives: Athenians, yours.
Let each catch hands with his wife and dance his joy,
Dance out his thanks, be grateful in music,
And promise reformation with his heels.
ATHENIANS.
O Dancers, forward. Lead out the Graces,
Call Artemis out;
Then her brother, the Dancer of Skies,
That gracious Apollo.
Invoke with a shout
Dionysus out of whose eyes
Breaks fire on the maenads that follow;
And Zeus with his flares of quick lightning, and call,
Happy Hera, Queen of all,
And all the Daimons summon hither to be
Witnesses of our revelry
And of the noble Peace we have made,
Aphrodite our aid.
Io Paieon, Io, cry--
For victory, leap!
Attained by me, leap!
Euoi Euoi Euai Euai.
SPARTANS
Piper, gie us the music for a new sang.
SPARTANS.
Leaving again lovely lofty Taygetus
Hither O Spartan Muse, hither to greet us,
And wi' our choric voice to raise
To Amyclean Apollo praise,
And Tyndareus' gallant sons whose days
Alang Eurotas' banks merrily pass,
An' Athene o' the House o' Brass.
Now the dance begin;
Dance, making swirl your fringe o' woolly skin,
While we join voices
To hymn dear Sparta that rejoices
I' a beautifu' sang,
An' loves to see
Dancers tangled beautifully;
For the girls i' tumbled ranks
Alang Eurotas' banks
Like wanton fillies thrang,
Frolicking there
An' like Bacchantes shaking the wild air
To comb a giddy laughter through the hair,
Bacchantes that clench thyrsi as they sweep
To the ecstatic leap.
An' Helen, Child o' Leda, come
Thou holy, nimble, gracefu' Queen,
Lead thou the dance, gather thy joyous tresses up i' bands
An' play like a fawn. To madden them, clap thy hands,
And sing praise to the warrior goddess templed i' our lands,
Her o' the House o' Brass.
