Editor's Note: This is the original script, as shared by the author.
EMMA
Aww you didn’t have to get me flowers.
CONNOR
Oh they’re not for you.
EMMA
You got them for my grandma?
CONNOR
Yeah! There was barely anything in the store I could get to bring for her. I’m so bad at gifts.
EMMA (sees price tag on flowers)
You could have just got a pie or something. Flowers upset her. And they’re so expensive. Scrap the price tag off.
CONNOR
They’re more alive than a store bought pie.
EMMA
They’re also more expensive.
CONNOR
And more beautiful.
EMMA
That’s not true! Pies can be beautiful!
CONNOR
Not store bought pies.
EMMA
Connor. Next time just get what I told you to. My grandma doesn’t like surprises.
CONNOR
It’s just flowers, it’s not a surprise!
EMMA
There’s no purpose for flowers. Other than to help people get through funerals or make life more beautiful, which is stupid.
CONNOR
What, that’s not stupid. Why is it stupid?
EMMA
Because appearances don’t matter!
CONNOR
It’s just a nice gesture, okay? I didn’t want to come visit her empty handed.
EMMA
Fine.
CONNOR
You look pretty by the way.
EMMA
That’s so awkward.
CONNOR
It’s just the truth. Can’t you just accept my compliment.
EMMA (cringing to accept compliment)
Thank you. We’re almost here. Fix your tie, it looks lopsided.
CONNOR
She lives in this neighborhood?
EMMA
Yeah, I thought I told you.
CONNOR
She must be loaded.
EMMA
I wouldn’t know, she doesn’t really share it.
CONNOR
It must be nice though, to have someone pay for you to get a psychology degree.
EMMA
Most of my tuition is scholarship. We’re here.
They both get out of the car and walk up to the door. Ring the doorbell. Grandma has been waiting by the windows as we see the curtain in the window move. Grandma opens the door.
GRANDMA
Emma! I can’t believe you’re actually here! Welcome! What a surprise!
EMMA
Hi Grandmother.
GRANDMA
Is this your man?
CONNOR (tries to give her the flowers)
Hi.
EMMA (walking in takes her shoes off and places them neatly near the door)
Yes. This is Connor.
GRANDMA
Oh my gosh! You’re precious! Emma, take these flowers and put them in a vase. I have one somewhere in the kitchen.
Emma goes offstage with the flowers. Connor tries to walk in more.
GRANDMA
Young man, remove your shoes please.
CONNOR
Oh sorry! I should have asked.
GRANDMA
I bet you don’t visit people very much.
CONNOR
Nah, I don’t really have anyone to visit. I still live with my parents... and their parents too.
GRANDMA
You didn’t meet Emma in college?
CONNOR
Oh, I don’t go to college.
GRANDMA
But you’re her age.
CONNOR
I’m like two years older. I was going to take a gap year to earn some money but then that turned into a three-year-gap year, if that makes sense.
GRANDMA
You’re older and yet she drives you around?
CONNOR
I mean she picked me up today because we were coming here. Usually I walk to her house, when she’s home from college.
Emma brings on the flowers in a vase.
EMMA
Where do you want them Grandmother?
GRANDMA
Let’s do the coffee table. Alright please come in! Make yourself at home, Connor. Sit on the couch! Do you two want any food? I think I have some leftovers in the fridge! I’ll be right back. Are you guys hungry or thirsty? Can I get you anything? (Goes off stage)
EMMA
I’m okay.
CONNOR (off to Grandma)
What do you have?
EMMA
Connor. Just say you’re fine.
CONNOR (Off to Grandmother)
I ate right before coming here. I’m good.
GRANDMA (offstage)
How do you expect to be a successful guest when you say no to anything! Don’t make me feel bad! My fridge is almost empty but I do have some spaghetti I made two nights ago!
EMMA
We’re really okay. (To Connor) We’re only going to stay for an hour, just to pay my dues for the tuition and then we can get some food somewhere else.
GRANDMA (Coming back in with a box of oreos and opens it to give to Connor and Emma)
I found a box of Oreos! Here! Oh wait! Do you have hand sanitizer?
EMMA and CONNOR
No.
GRANDMA
And you were just going to take some cookies without washing your hands? Here (handing them a bottle of hand sanitizer). I have a bottle of hand sanitizer in every single room of this fourteen room house.
EMMA
Hand sanitizer doesn’t even work, it weakens your immune system by killing the good bacteria on your hands. You should just wash your hands if you’re near a sink and soap.
GRANDMA
Oh Emma! Just because you studied psychology for your first year in college doesn’t mean you’re the smartest one in the room.
EMMA
That has nothing to do with psychology, it’s just common sense.
GRANDMA
Common sense that you have to google, am I right Connor?
CONNOR
Emma’s told me that before, but I still just use hand sanitizer. It’s so much more convenient.
GRANDMA
Emma, I don’t know about you but I have been counting down the days for this visit for a while now and it’s just so good to see you. Tell me all about college.
EMMA
It’s great. Thanks again for paying for this year. I don’t know where I would be without your support.
GRANDMA
You’re doing all the work. I just give you the check. It doesn’t take too much out of me.
CONNOR
It’s really nice of you Mrs. umm
EMMA
Mrs. Simons.
CONNOR
Mrs. Simons.
GRANDMA
Oh, call me Eunice!
CONNOR
Cool.
GRANDMA
Emma, help yourself to some spaghetti, you look like you’ve lost some weight.
EMMA
I haven’t lost any weight.
GRANDMA
It’s been so long since you’ve come to visit that I don’t really remember what you looked like before.
EMMA
I’m really fine. Grandma, I wanted to tell you how grateful I am for you paying my tuition again, and I really hope I can come visit more often.
GRANDMA
I’m surprised you’re able to do a long distance relationship with Connor, if you barely ever come home. It must be hard for you Connor, sitting at home waiting for her to learn how human beings communicate and act but then never really doing it herself, if she’s always studying. I feel sorry for you Connor.
CONNOR
Oh it’s really not that bad. We talk everyday and Emma comes back home like at least once a month.
GRANDMA
Do you, Emma?
EMMA
When I have time I try to.
GRANDMA
But you’ve never come to visit me during these once a month meetings?
EMMA
It just slipped my mind. You know how it is.
GRANDMA
I wonder what would happen if it just slipped my mind if I didn’t pay for you to go there.
EMMA
Grandma, you know what I meant. Sometimes I just get caught up in what I really have to do.
GRANDMA
There are other things I could be doing too.
CONNOR
Eunice, what do you like to do?
GRANDMA
I like to knit, although I have too many projects I have made that I just don’t know who to give.
EMMA
You’ve never shown me what you knit.
GRANDMA
You’ve never asked.
CONNOR
I would love to see!
GRANDMA
Oh! They’re in the other room. I’ll be right back. (exits off stage)
CONNOR
Your grandma is so nice.
EMMA
It’s only because you’re here. If it was only me, I just wouldn’t visit her.
CONNOR
I don’t see what could be so bad.
EMMA
Just don’t accept anything from her, if she offers any of her scarves or anything.
CONNOR
Why?
EMMA
You’ll just always feel like you owe her something
GRANDMA(walking back in with a ton of scarfs around her)
Tada! Look at all my masterpieces!
CONNOR
Eunice, they’re gorgeous!
GRANDMA
I have the perfect one for you. (Humming to herself, throws down all of them except one special one on the couch and throws it around Connor’s neck, Connor stands up, as Grandma is holding onto the ends of the scarf) Let’s dance, Connor!
CONNOR
Okay! Wow, this scarf is beautiful!
(Grandma starts to sing a song and dance around Connor with the scarf)
GRANDMA
Do you know the song I’m singing?
CONNOR
Yes! (Joins in to make a duet until they come to the end of the song)
GRANDMA
Keep the scarf! You look so handsome in it
CONNOR
Oh that’s too nice of you. I really don’t need a scarf though.
GRANDMA
Connor, do not insult me. I want you to have the scarf.
CONNOR
But you made it, and I really don’t have anything to give you in return.
GRANDMA
I’m not asking for anything in return! You’ve already touched it so it has to be yours!
CONNOR
I can wash it and give it back to you, this is just too nice. I’ve never owned a scarf as beautiful as this.
GRANDMA
I don’t want it sitting around collecting dust though. You need to keep it. It’s around your neck.
CONNOR
Alright. Thank you so much. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.
GRANDMA
Oh hush! Stop it with that self pity like you owe everything to everyone. Can’t people nowadays ever just do nice things for one another without expecting something in return?
CONNOR
I just want you to know I appreciate this so much.
EMMA
That’s very kind of you Grandmother.
GRANDMA
Oh anytime! I’ll put all these back. I’m sure Emma doesn’t want any scarf (Getting all the scarves back and goes offstage with them)
CONNOR
That was so wholesome.
EMMA
If I tell something to her, and you’re shocked too, you promise not to freak out?
CONNOR
Wait, what is it? Now I’m nervous.
EMMA
I wanted to tell you both at the same time. You don’t really have to worry about it. It’s nothing serious.
CONNOR
Okay. I’ll do my best.
GRANDMA (coming back in)
Are you guys sure you don’t want the leftover spaghetti I have?
EMMA
We’re fine. Thanks. Grandmother, there’s something I’ve been meaning to catch you up on.
GRANDMA
If it’s about college you know you always have my support. I need to see you graduate.
EMMA
It sort of is about college.
GRANDMA
Well, go on. Spit it out.
EMMA
I’ve decided to take next year off.
CONNOR
What?
GRANDMA
Why on earth would you do something so stupid like that?
EMMA
It’s just my choice. I don’t think I can go to school for the next year.
GRANDMA
What’s wrong with school? You have nothing to worry about! You’re tuition is already paid for and you’d just be throwing this all away. I never needed to go to college to find a husband because my parents found one for me. College is different nowadays, girls actually go there for something more than just to meet a spouse. Plus you already have a man in your life.
CONNOR
Why didn’t you tell me about this before?
EMMA
I meant to tell you in the car, I just thought this surprise would make you happy because now I’ll be at home more with you and I can visit you, Grandmother, more often.
GRANDMA
I don’t care if you visit me. I just want you to live your life and get a college education. Be the first one in the family with a degree. Actually make something out of your life.
EMMA
I really don’t think I can. I am planning on going back to school just not next year.
GRANDMA
You haven’t said why yet!
EMMA
For at least nine months I plan to stay at home and quarantine myself from all the shame. And then I’ll probably have to stay at home more. But I can probably take online classes.
(Mass panic. Connor sits paralyzed on the couch with his jaw dropped. Grandma starts pacing in the room. Accidently knocks over the flower vase and it shatters. Emma tries to clean it up.)
GRANDMA
I can’t believe you’ve done this to yourself.
EMMA
It’s not only my fault.
GRANDMA
Oh, Connor’s to blame too?
CONNOR
Emma, you could have told me about it sooner so you wouldn’t have to feel alone.
EMMA
I’m telling you now.
GRANDMA
When are you due?
EMMA
I don’t know exactly. I couldn’t get to a doctor because they are all so busy and I didn’t want my mom to find out. I just took a bunch of pregnancy tests.
GRANDMA
Your mom went through the same exact thing when she was about your age.
EMMA
But she didn’t have to drop out of school, she never even started college in the first place.
GRANDMA
I can’t believe you. You are being so selfish!
EMMA
By keeping it?
GRANDMA
No, by wasting your education.
CONNOR
But Eunice, she can always go back to school.
GRANDMA
People always say that. Trust me, when you leave once, you probably will not go back. All I wanted was for someone in this family to get a degree and earn their way instead of just inheriting it.
EMMA
But I was inheriting the education. I didn’t really stress about money. Now I can finally start taking responsibility for my life.
GRANDMA
Emma, you have no idea what kind of responsibility you will have now. I thought you were going to be a light for this family by going to college. Trying to make yourself more socially useful.
EMMA
I’m sorry. I can’t rewrite the past. But I will go back to school.
GRANDMA
This isn’t a temporary thing. You can’t just pop out a baby and somehow return back to normal. This is your new normal now.
EMMA
I am ready for that.
CONNOR
Emma, I wish you had told me so I would have more time.
EMMA
I don’t know when I am due, all I know is I have taken seven pregnancy tests and they all came out positive.
GRANDMA
What were you expecting? It to just go away if you ignored it?
EMMA
No. I thought you would be easier to tell than my parents.
GRANDMA
Connor, I want you to go to school.
CONNOR
What?
GRANDMA
Instead of paying for Emma’s failure of an education, you should get one and I will pay for it.
CONNOR
Mrs. Simons.
GRANDMA
Pick a major and make something out of your life. I do not care. And then I expect you two to get married. And stay married for this child.
CONNOR
Oh my gosh, that is so far in the future.
GRANDMA
It’s time to start thinking about the future more! It’s just gonna sneak up on you! Get used to it. Now, get out Emma. You must not leave your house until you give birth to the child. I don’t want anyone to be talking about your irresponsibility and gossiping about you.
CONNOR
Thank you.
EMMA
It was nice seeing you Grandmother. I am glad you are still well. See you probably when the baby gets here.
GRANDMA
If you find it in your heart to visit sooner, I will welcome you.
EMMA
Good bye.
CONNOR
Thank you Eunice, for the offer but I am pretty comfortable with my job at the grocery store. They might be promoting me to manager soon.
GRANDMA
Enjoy the scarf. Thanks for the flowers. Connor, you are always welcome over here.
CONNOR
I will be visiting you soon!
EMMA
Bye!
(Connor and Emma get into the car and drive off as Grandma stands in the open doorway waving off to them).
The end.
