Editor's Note: This is the original script, as shared by the author.
This play contains strong language.
Scene - Elevator Car interior - stuck on the basement level of a the office building.
Time – present day
Characters:
Holly: – a young woman nicely dressed.
Blazer: - a slightly older but young man – Causal but sharp. Button down and tie - Blazers Jacket.
Note: He wears an n95 mask - she does not
Blazer is sitting on the floor – back against the wall – up-right corner , His jacket across his lap.. Shirt open at the collar - tie loosened. Next to him an unzipped laptop bag – a few scattered papers. He sips out of a Starbucks medium latte cup. The remains of a half eaten coffee cake sits on a Starbucks paper bag that serves as a plate.
Holly stands in the opposing up-left corner.
There is an uncomfortable silence. There should be a sense that they have been here for any number of minutes. Holly takes out an old flip-style cell phone from her purse. She attempts a call.
Blazer
(to no one in particular) Can you hear me now?
Holly
Shit (muttering as she snaps it shut – checks the signal strength) Fucking Cingular. What about you?
Blazer
What about me?
Holly
Don’t you have a cell-phone? Can you get a signal?
Blazer
Ah – no . . . um . . . don’t believe in them. They’re a part of the conspiracy run by corporate America to enslave us all. Two year service contracts that you have to keep signing every two years for the rest of your life.
Holly
Christ, how do you survive?
Blazer
Christ, how do you? Six calls in two minutes with no signal. Seems to me you might want to switch over to Verizon and get yourself into that ‘in’ plan. I hear they have the best 5-G ya know.
She pulls a pack of American Spirits out of a small purse that hangs from a shoulder strap. A red Bic lighter. She lights one. Smokes. Blazer looks skyward – a slight sigh and a small disgusted shake of the head.
Blazer
Please – don’t mind me.
Holly
Sorry – nervous – stupid – a little scared - Sorry. I get anxious.
(She takes a couple of quick hits off the cigarette and crushes it out).
Blazer
Jesus – airspace! (sweeping his arm in quick jerky motions to indicate the constricted space they are in – he coughs with exaggeration).
Holly
(waving her arm to dissipate the smoke) I said I was sorry – Christ! Anxiety! It’s out !
A beat . . . And then another - as before another uncomfortable silence - - then Holly steps down stage center and punches various buttons on the control panel with a stabbing motion.
Blazer
That’s not going to help.
Holly
It’s not going to hurt.
Blazer
They will open, when they open.
Holly
It has to OPEN NOW - I don’t have time for this.
Blazer
Actually at this moment in time you have nothing but time. Give it a rest.
Holly
Ya know what ? . . . Fuck you (she retreats back to her corner).
Blazer
(Bemused) Relax darlin’. Freakin’ out isn’t going to help the freakin’ situation either.
Holly
Nothing is going to help the situation except a Service Tech with a crowbar prying open the doors of this fucking car.
Blazer
It’s probably just a circuit breaker or something. (a beat) Look, I am sure they know that there’s a problem and we’ll be back out into the open air in a heartbeat
Holly
How do you know?
Blazer
What?
Holly
How do you know they know?
Blazer
They know.
Holly
(hint of the sarcastic) You’re so sure.
Blazer
Certain. The alarm was sounding – then it stopped – they know.
Holly
What if no one heard it?
BLAZER
They heard it.
Holly
How do you know?
Blazer
They shut if off. It was ringing. Then ‘they’ shut it off.
Holly
Unless there’s a circuit breaker for that too – a mysterious circuit breaker box thousands of feet above us in the belfry of this monster that has switches just clicking on and off when no one is around to care. (Starting to become a bit of a rant) Uncaring machines leaving helpless humans to fend for themselves because in air this thick no one can hear you scream -- Alarms ring but no one hears them – machines can but they just silence the noise. Click. Meanwhile out on the streets – mass panic but the machines don’t care its just stupid humans going about whatever it is that stupid humans do when the light at the end of the tunnel plunges you into pitch blackness.
Quiet – they stare at one another. A beat – a waiting for something to happen. The car is plunged into blackness
Suuuuure – someone heard it. They’ll get around to it . . . eventually.
(a beat). (a dim emergency light kicks on – a softer subdue glow lights the interior of the car – there’s a low hum)
(Holly takes out a cigarette, Bic lighter and lights it).
Blazer
Hey – come on!
Holly
Fuck you --- I need this. Right now. --- Right here, right now. You’ve got a mask. Deal with it. (a quick beat) Look, if I don’t have this here . . . and now . . . I will rip your fucking balls off and hand them back to you. Deal. With. It.
Blazer
(somewhat softly) Jesus.
Holly
(smoking) When the doors open there you’ll be – sitting right there – on the floor – legs spread - barn door open -ball-less – unable to talk cause your cheeks will be stuffed with boy gizzard.
As he considers this and her as she takes one long drag –blows it out - it relaxes her a bit. He pulls out a small leather bound journal, pen and jots down a note to himself. She crushes the cigarette beneath her foot.
Holly
What are you writing?
Blazer
A reminder. What you said.
Holly
Huh?
Blazer
What you just said. (He reads) “man-gizzards”.
Holly
“Boy”.
Blazer
What?
Holly
“Boy gizzard”.
Blazer
Right . . . But man-gizzard has a bit more punch to it don’t you think?
Holly
Ah, but then you’d be giving yourself way too much credit.
Blazer
What’s that suppose to mean?
Holly
It seems to me, a boy would just sit here waiting for mommy or daddy to rescue him. Whereas a man . . . a man would be doing something a little more proactive to get himself out of the situation.
Blazer
What would you have me do? Holler?
(a beat)
(He screams a gutteral) HELP (a beat) Well that worked dinnit?
Holly
Well sitting there quietly bitching to me about environmental pollution isn’t about to get you any awards for heroism from the mayor now is it?
Blazer
Oh oh wait (he stands)– Kick the door (he kicks the doors) Stamp my feet? (he does a little clog dance) – Come on – join in. (he stomps with more force – grabs Holly’s hand and spins her)
Holly
HANDS OFF ASSHOLE (She breaks away and stomps the cigarette out). I swear I’ll take more than the balls !
Blazer
Sorry – I got carried away – sorry.
(a beat)
I pushed the frocking button.
Holly
What button?
Blazer
(pointing at the control panel) The alarm button. It alarmed.
Holly
And that has helped . . . How?
Blazer
I’m telling you – somebody someplace is working on it.
Holly
Okay . . . Workin’ on it (she scoffs) But what about the girl?
Blazer
What about what girl?
Holly
What about saving the girl?
Blazer
Don’t you mean ‘woman’?
Holly
Well turn me into one. My womanly estrogen might kick in if someone manly with a tiny bit of “rescue” testosterone got some flowing. Show me those balls. Are you going to fight me or kiss me? Come on. Sweep me off my feet.
Blazer
Like a firefighter?
Holly
That would do nicely.
Blazer
From the trap door in the ceiling perhaps?
Holly
Perhaps.
Blazer
Sweating –plenty of pheromones - shirtless no doubt – but suspenders crossing pecs - just a touch of grime on the face to bring out the chiseled features? (almost an aside) I swear -- ever since Backdraft.
She smiles at him. He gets up. Folds his coat neatly and sets it to one side. Walks to the center of the car. Looks up. Extending his arm straight up he jumps. Once . . Twice . . . Three times. He stops. Looks at Holly – then backs up and briefly reconsiders the situation. He looks over at her again. Then again glances back up. Then finally goes back to his corner and sits back down as before.
Holly
That’s it?
Blazer
Unless you’ve some hand sanitizer on you, that’s it.
Holly
Wow.
Blazer
What?
Holly
(somewhat sardonically) I’m wet.
Blazer
Hey – I tried.
The lights flicker. Then come back to full. The car jumps. It stops. It jumps again and starts to move. Up. Blazer stands – puts on his coat.
Holly
Finally!
Blazer
See – circuit breaker. (he motions to and looks up at the floor indicator panel above the door).
He gathers his papers and closes his laptop bag. Crumples up the Starbucks bag – takes the top of the coffee cup and puts the bag in the cup – relids it. He clutches the journal.
Holly
(Glancing a the rising numbers) Fuck!
Blazer
Now what? It’s moving
Holly
My appointment is in the basement! They just needed to open the fucking doors!
Blazer
Take the stairs – they’ll wait – You’ve a good excuse.
Holly
I don’t think so.
Blazer
What could be so important? A job interview? It was what? Twenty minutes? Stuck for twenty minutes. They’ll understand. Stuck is stuck.
Holly
It’s an audition – a critical audition– I was scheduled for fifteen minutes ago and that is now fifteen minutes too late. You can NOT be late in this business. My agent said if I don’t get this he’s dropping me. Lose the role – lose the agent – this is a disaster. Do you know how cold winters are in Fargo North Dakota? I am NOT going home!
Blazer
Oh (a slight smile).
Holly
Besides it’s also a chance to work with someone major. Major-SomeOnes. People who can make a difference (still adjusting her clothing) – How do I look? SHIT!
Blazer
Great . . . You look great (He reaches out and pushes her hair behind an ear). You’ll do great. You just need to relax. (a beat) Relax. Look. Close your eyes. Deep breath. In . . . Out. Once more . . . In . . . Out. (a beat) Now, say softly “Can you feel Heaven in a Wild Flower?”
Holly
(Almost tearfully) “Can you feel Heaven in a Wild Flower?”
Blazer
Again – softer.
Holly
(Now with a measure of gentle passion) “Can you feel Heaven in a Wild Flower?”
Blazer
Better?
Holly
(She takes a breath, closes her eyes, centers) Whew. Better.
Blazer
Better.
Thanks – (a beat) – How about you?
Blazer
How about me what? Oh. Me? I feel pretty good so I must look good. How do you think I look? (he licks a finger and runs it across his eyebrows).
Holly
No no - I mean, doesn’t this put, like, a major kink in your day?
Blazer
Oh no – hardly - I’m sure that they are not waiting patiently for me.
Holly
Not so important?
Blazer
Oh it’s important and they probably just went ahead and started. Yet I’m sure they’ll get me up to speed when I get there. Quickly. When I get down there, I get down there. Final decisions won’t be made without me.
The car stops – the door opens – they both step forward. Pause awkwardly to let the other proceed.
Blazer
After you (he motions – She doesn’t move) – Look, I’ll walk you down. Explain it to them for you.
Holly
Huh? (somewhat slowly as it is dawning on her) Wait . . . What did you say you do?
Blazer
(he puts his pen into the inner pocket of the coat) I’m a writer. I write. Plays mostly. Good ones they say. But screenwriting is something new for me. I caught a break though when Broadway went dark. Covid with a silver lining. A producer saw ‘Old Odd Ends’ just before they shuttered the theater and now wants to pitch it to Netflix. They are thinking they can film it ‘zoom like’ whatever that means. Streaming. Fairly major opportunity really – very exciting . A lot more money and a chance to work with some very exciting new people. People-Very Exciting. People who can make a difference.
She is somewhat frozen now – looking a little bit like a deer in headlights.
Blazer
Actually, now that I think about it – I am late (he slips past her and as he exits says) But then from what I hear, late can be very El-Lay. Or at least Los Gatos
She is left standing slightly shell-shocked in the open elevator doorway now announcing :PLEASE STAND
CLEAR OF THE CLOSING DOORS”
Blazer
(from off ,down the hallway) And hey - Don’t forget those balls. They might come in handy after all.
Lights dim – The End
