Oh, what every simple woman wants, I su...

Oh, what every simple woman wants, I suppose. A man who is kind, and who is honest, unless of course his honesty would be unkind, then he should be diplomatic, but still decisive, both in integrity and physique. He should be devilishly handsome and angelically humble. The sort of man who can shed a tear at a wedding, smile fondly proudly during graduation ceremonies, and sit next to me in a Broadway play without falling asleep. He loves the great outdoors, animals, large families, and pasta. He enjoys wearing sweaters, despises the color aqua-marine, and eats pineapple for breakfast every Sunday morning. He whistles showtunes, donates spare change to organ grinder monkeys, and makes a wish during every lunar eclipse. He has never known the pain of a broken heart, nor has he ever sprained his wrist while moving furniture, though he does suffer from tennis elbow and he gets dreadfully angry at crossword puzzles, and he has the sweetest smile in the entire world.