Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am...

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am Professor Diabolical, owner and operator of the Escape Room you see before you. The events which you are about to witness are based on a TRUE-ly fictional story. The names have been dramatically changed to protect the innocent. For example, the character who is loosely based on the playwright Wade Bradford has been renamed Brad Wadeford. His childhood friend, Macy Wilson, is now called Wacy Milson. And Coach Foster, the P.E. teacher who made fun of the playwright when he got hit in the face with a dodgeball, will now be known as Coach Stanklebum. This play is called "Escape Room". As you can see, we have three walls and no door. Which would seem like it's easy to escape from. We did originally perform this play with four walls, but the audience was unable to see anything.Therefore, we have removed the fourth wall for your viewing convenience. Unfortunately, that recently-removed wall happened to be the one which contained the door, so I'm afraid you'll have to use your imagination and the actors must rely on their pantomime skills and their own sound effects. Allow me to demonstrate. (He pantomimes opening a door while making a squeaky sound, doing his best to imitate a rusty hinge.) You can picture it, can't you? And now, ladies and gentlemen, keep your fears at bay as best you can, summon up whatever courage you can muster, and prepare to enter the ESCAPE ROOM--the room from which NO ONE ESCAPES! Oh, and I forgot to mention, exits are located at the rear of the theater. And now, the ESCAPE ROOM!