(Recite like dialogue) I’VE HEARD SUCH...

(Recite like dialogue)

I’VE HEARD SUCH TRAGEDY FROM YOU

AND I’LL SHARE MY TRAGEDY TOO!

YOU SEE, I HAD A TWIN BROTHER...

A BROTHER QUITE LIKE NO OTHER.

THIS HARSH STORY EATS UP MY GUTS

FOR THE CHAP WAS A TERMINAL KLUTZ.

FROM THE DAY MOTHER BORE HIM, PELLMELL,

TILL THE DAY THAT HE FELL DOWN THE WELL,

EV’RYTHING HE WOULD LOUSE UP,

THOUGH HE BRIGHTENED THE HOUSE UP...

ONCE WE DRESSED UP HIS NECK WITH A BELL.

DESPITE MY BROTHER’S AFFLICTION,

PLUS SLOPPY WAYS AND BAD DICTION,

DEAR PRESCOTT WAS EV’RYONE’S PRIZE:

ALL BECAUSE OF HIS DIAMONDCLEAR EYES.

LIKE TWO PERFECT DIAMONDS THEY SHONE

SO ENCHANTING, YET ACCIDENTPRONE.

BUT THOSE DIAMONDS HAVE DIMMED OUT

AND OUR FAMILY SLIMMED OUT...

SO NOW I AM BUT ONE TWIN ALONE.

(Takes moment to catch her breath)

AND THOUGH IT’S VERY TRUE

I FEEL SO MUCH SORROW*.

(*Pronounce “sarr-oh”)

IT’S HARDEST TELLING YOU

THE WORST THING, BY FAR...OH...

(Pause)

IT’S NO FUN SPENDING LIFE AS A TWIN

WHEN YOUR DEAR OTHER TWIN HAS KICKED IN!

IT SEEMS LIKE OUR MAKER

TOOK BACK ONE FOOD SHAKER

AND THE PEPPER IS MINUS THE SALT.

IT’S NO FUN WITH YOUR TWIN DOWN THE WELL

WHEN YOU’D LIKE TO ENJOY THE NOËL.

MY LIFE IS A GRAY TIME

OF NIGHT WITHOUT DAYTIME

SINCE THAT HALF OF ME CAME TO A HALT.

I FEEL LIKE I’VE LOST AN ARM...OR TWO;

AND MISS MY TWIN AS CLODS PASS BY;

AND REALIZE BUT FOR MY GRACEFULNESS,

THERE GO I.

IT’S NO FUN SPENDING LIFE AS A TWIN.

LIVING UP TO THE DEATH OF YOUR KIN.

I FEEL INCOMPLETER

THAN RHYME WITH NO METER...

OR ROOMS WITH NO HEATER...

OR EGGS WITH NO BEATER.

WITH NO DIAMOND GETTING

THE MOST OF MY SETTING,

IT’S NO FUN

BEING ONE

LONESOME TWIN!