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Sonia has just turned 40 years old and is facing a midlife crisis.
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SONIA: (fart noise) What? (to audience) That wasn't me OKAY. (beat) What? You think I'm gassy cuz I ate a chimichanga? Huh? Maybe it's because, lately, vodka tastes like tap water AND my eyes look like a third world country.
[... ... ...]
I want to say that with an excited inflection in my voice, not the pouty tone that mimics my breasts.
(She violently zips the oversized duffle)
AND I F*@%ING hate being bloated. None of my pants fit!
(SONIA carries the bag off stage, another faint fart is heard. Lights out.)
For full extended monologue, please refer to clips or the script edition cited here: Fernanda Coppel, Chimichanags and Zoloft, Concord Theatricals, 2014, pp. 1-2.
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