You'd know her if I pointed her out to y...

You'd know her if I pointed her out to you. Band chick. I think I might ask her out today. I don't really know her, but we have this thing where we fake head-butt each other in the hallway. A couple of months ago, I was on my way here for some insulin. I was the only one in the hallway, then she comes around the corner. I'd seen her before and thought she was pretty, but seeing her coming right at me like that. Damn. So I did that awkward trying to get out of the way shuffle. I juke right, go left, she mirrors me. It's utter chaos and we're about to run into each other, then she grabs me by the shoulders. She looks in my eyes, then goes BSHH! Throwing her head forward, pretending to head-butt me, you know? I smelled her hair for half a second. Then she just smiled and blew right by me. It was hilarious. I remember thinking right then, yeah. I would die for her.

[ALEX grips the underside of his chair, rocking back and forth, biting down on his tongue harder and harder.]

You'd know her if I pointed her out to you. Band chick. I think I might ask her out today. I don't really know her, but we have this thing where we fake head-butt each other in the hallway. A couple of months ago, I was on my way here for some insulin. I was the only one in the hallway, then she comes around the corner. I'd seen her before and thought she was pretty, but seeing her coming right at me like that. Damn. So I did that awkward trying to get out of the way shuffle. I juke right, go left, she mirrors me. It's utter chaos and we're about to run into each other, then she grabs me by the shoulders. She looks in my eyes, then goes BSHH! Throwing her head forward, pretending to head-butt me, you know? I smelled her hair for half a second. Then she just smiled and blew right by me. It was hilarious. I remember thinking right then, yeah. I would die for her. That's a thing people say. I'd die for so and so, take a bullet for them or whatever. It's supposed to quantify of love, converted into terms of life-worth. But just because you would die for someone, that doesn't necessarily mean you think their life is more valuable than yours. It certainly doesn't mean you love them. Hell, I'm willing to bet a lot of people would die for others, for strangers. There's an easy nobility to it. Your life is suddenly worth exactly something. You get the opportunity to die for someone and suddenly you have an exact purpose that comes with lore and legend... But that's not what I'm talking about because that's not love. When I say that I would die for Stephanie Bankfeldt, I mean I would be willing to take on meaningless pain. I would welcome the death of my body, my past, the memory of me, everything, in exchange for almost nothing from her. Because even the smallest moment with her, like the head-butts, those are holy moments to me. I'm not even sure what that means exactly. It's just what I feel. I feel like I would hurt if only for her smile. I would die for her to never have to experience a traffic jam. I would die for her to never get her money eaten by the pop machine. I would die every day if it would somehow save her from those minor inconveniences. Every day. That's what I mean. That feels like love to me. So I think that means I should at least ask her out. To at least share that moment with her. With everything in flux for even a second. In a holy space between a fake head-butt and... anything. The next time she stops me in the hallway to fake head-butt me, I'll ask her. Hopefully she doesn't push my face away with her hand like she did last time. You ever love somebody like that, Alex? Alex?

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