Jay and his brother Arty are staying with their grandmother. Their
Don’t do it, Arty … Leave him alone, Uncle Louie. You want the bag open, do it yourself.
[... … …]
Well, you’re no Humphrey Bogart … And I’ll tell you something else--No. That’s all.
For full extended monologue, refer to the script edition cited here: Neil Simon, Lost in Yonkers, in The Collected Plays of Neil Simon, Volume IV. Simon & Schuster, 1998, pp. 136.