Overview
- Female: 1
- Male: 2
Context
Prince Hal, until very recently, was almost always at Falstaff's side. But he was called back to court, and Falstaff left alone with his own boredom. He has no money left (having spent it all on food and drink), and so has tried to cajole Mistress Quickly into simply giving him food and drink. When that fails, he accuses her of having robbers in her house (ironically, he himself is a failed thief). Mistress Quickly appeals to Prince Hal, who has just arrived at the tavern from the royal court.
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MISTRESS QUICKLY
My lord, I pray you, hear me.
PRINCE HAL
What sayest thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth thy
husband? I love him well; he is an honest man.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Good my lord, hear me.
FALSTAFF
Prithee, let her alone, and list to me.
PRINCE HAL
What sayest thou, Jack?
FALSTAFF
The other night I fell asleep here behind the arras and had my pocket picked: this house is turned bawdy-house; they pick pockets.
PRINCE HAL
What didst thou lose, Jack?
FALSTAFF
Wilt thou believe me, Hal? three or four bonds of forty pound apiece, and a seal-ring of my grandfather's.
PRINCE HAL
A trifle, some eight-penny matter.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
So I told him, my lord; and I said I heard your grace say so: and, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a foul-mouthed man as he is; and said he would cudgel you.
PRINCE HAL
What! he did not?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
There's neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.
FALSTAFF
There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune; nor no more truth in thee than in a drawn fox; and for womanhood, Maid Marian may be the deputy's wife of the ward to thee. Go, you thing, go
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Say, what thing? what thing?
FALSTAFF
What thing! why, a thing to thank God on.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou shouldst know it; I am an honest man's wife: and, setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to call me so.
FALSTAFF
Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say otherwise.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?
FALSTAFF
What beast! why, an otter.
PRINCE HAL
An otter, Sir John! Why an otter?
FALSTAFF
Why, she's neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not where to have her.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Thou art an unjust man in saying so: thou or any man knows where to have me, thou knave, thou!
PRINCE HAL
Thou sayest true, hostess; and he slanders thee most grossly.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
So he doth you, my lord; and said this other day you ought him a thousand pound.
PRINCE HAL
Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?
FALSTAFF
A thousand pound, Ha! a million: thy love is worth a million: thou owest me thy love.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
Nay, my lord, he called you Jack, and said he would cudgel you.
FALSTAFF
Yea, if he said my ring was copper.
PRINCE HAL
I say 'tis copper: darest thou be as good as thy word now?
FALSTAFF
Why, Hal, thou knowest, as thou art but man, I dare: but as thou art prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring of a lion's whelp.
PRINCE HAL
And why not as the lion?
FALSTAFF
The king is to be feared as the lion: dost thou think I'll fear thee as I fear thy father? nay, an I do, I pray God my girdle break.
PRINCE HAL
O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy knees! But, sirrah, there's no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this bosom of thine; it is all filled up with guts and midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket! why, thou whoreson, impudent, embossed rascal, if there were anything in thy pocket but tavern-reckonings, memorandums of bawdy-houses, and one poor penny-worth of sugar-candy to make thee long-winded, if thy pocket were enriched with any other injuries but these, I am a villain: and yet you will stand to if; you will not pocket up wrong: art thou not ashamed?
FALSTAFF
Dost thou hear, Hal? thou knowest in the state of innocency Adam fell; and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days of villany? Thou seest I have more flesh than another man, and therefore more frailty. You confess then, you picked my pocket?
PRINCE HAL
It appears so by the story.
FALSTAFF
Hostess, I forgive thee: go, make ready breakfast; love thy husband, look to thy servants, cherish thy guests: thou shalt find me tractable to any honest reason: thou seest I am pacified still. Nay, prithee, be gone.
Exit Hostess
Now Hal, to the news at court: for the robbery, lad, how is that answered?
PRINCE HAL
O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee: the money is paid back again.
FALSTAFF
O, I do not like that paying back; 'tis a double labour.
PRINCE HAL
I am good friends with my father and may do any thing.
William Shakespeare. Henry IV, Part One. http://shakespeare.mit.edu/1henryiv/1henryiv.3.2.html
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