Lights SNAP UP BRIGHT on CULLUM - strapp...

Lights SNAP UP BRIGHT on CULLUM - strapped to a bed with thick leather straps. He is unconscious.

Next to the bed is a small metal cabinet. On the cabinet a plastic jug of water and some plastic cups.

CULLUM wakes. He does not know where he is. He slowly realises he is strapped to the bed. He begins to struggle. The straps hold him tight.

CLARENCE, a male nurse, enters.

CLARENCE: See – you’re not dead? The ladies at the nurses’ station were positive you’d carked it. But I had faith. And here you are – wriggle wriggle wriggle.

CULLUM CONTINUES TO STRUGGLE.

CLARENCE: Easy. These are nice thick straps. For your safety. And mine. You’re not going anywhere – I hope.

CULLUM SUDDENLY REALISES HOW THIRSTY HE IS. HE LICKS HIS LIPS, OPENING AND CLOSING HIS MOUTH.

CLARENCE: (PICKING UP JUG) And that’s what this is for. It’s the drugs. When they start to wear off, mighty thirsty. Just like any Friday night really.

CLARENCE PUTS ON SOME RUBBER GLOVES.

CLARENCE: Rule number one. Apologies, but I don’t know what kind of exotic diseases you may have. Or I have for that matter.

HE POURS A CUP OF WATER AND HOLDS IT UNDER CULLUM’S MOUTH.

CLARENCE: And no bitey-bitey. Understand? (BEAT) Nod your head if you understand.

CULLUM NODS HIS HEAD.

CLARENCE: Good boy.

CLARENCE POURS THE WATER SLOWLY INTO CULLUM’S MOUTH. CULLUM SLURPS DOWN THE WATER. HE TRIES TO SPEAK.

CULLUM: M … m-m…

CLARENCE: The word you are looking for is “more”. One of my faves.

CLARENCE POURS ANOTHER CUP OF WATER. HE SLOWLY POURS IT INTO CULLUM’S MOUTH. CULLUM SLURPS IT DOWN.

CLARENCE: That’s enough. Second rule - more than two you start chucking it up.

CULLUM LOOKS AROUND, TRIES TO SPEAK.

CLARENCE: That one starts with “N”. As in Nut house.

BEAT. CULLUM BEGINS TO JERK AROUND.

CLARENCE: That’s the usual reaction.

CULLUM: Na … na …

CLARENCE: Ya ya. (GESTURING) Nut house. (POINTING TO CULLUM) Nut job. They come in many different varieties. Pecan nut, walnut, (POINTING AT CULLUM) peanut. Smells like a nut, tastes like a nut. Guess what? It’s a nut.

BEAT. CULLUM BEGINS TO JERK AROUND WILDLY NOW, RATTLING THE BED.

CLARENCE: My my. We are feisty.

CLARENCE GOES TO A SMALL POUCH. HE PULLS OUT A LARGE NEEDLE AND SHOWS IT TO CULLUM.

CLARENCE: That got your attention. Rule number three. Chill - or you get this – where it hurts.

CULLUM BECOMES STILL.

CLARENCE: Good. And you’re moving up the nut chain now. No longer a peanut. Now you’re a walnut. Soon you’ll be a Pecan and then Scorched Almond. When you’re a Scorched Almond I can take these off (the straps).

CULLUM HOLDS UP HIS HAND.

CLARENCE: What you want me to do with that?

CULLUM OPENS AND CLOSES HIS HAND.

CLARENCE: We’re waving. How nice. (WAVING) Love you too.

CULLUM OPENS AND CLOSES HIS HAND AGAIN.

CLARENCE: You want me to hold your hand?

CULLUM LOOKS AT CLARENCE.

CLARENCE: That’s kind of cute, I guess. (BEAT) Just a little one. But you must promise not to tell.

CLARENCE TAKES CULLUM’S HAND.

CLARENCE: That’s not too bad. Little bit touchy feely but …

CULLUM BEGINS TO GRIP CLARENCE’S HAND TIGHTER.

CLARENCE: Pretty good grip you got there Mr Grippy. Nice and tight. (BEAT) Little bit too tight. Can we … (TRYING TO GET HAND FREE) Release the hand. Release the hand or Mr Grippy gets the needle.

CLARENCE TRIES TO PULL HIS HAND FREE.

CLARENCE: Going back down the scale now. Pecan, Walnut, Peanut. Long way away from Scorched Almond. Almond good, peanut bad. You can go back in the box Mr peanut. Mr very big peanut.

CULLUM SITS WITH CLARENCE.

CLARENCE: Okay, well I’ll just sit here. Holding hands. With Mr Grippy. Think I’ll be paying Mr Pill Cupboard a visit a little later for Miss Valium. Or two. For me – not you.

THE LIGHTS BEGIN TO FADE.

CLARENCE: (BEAT) Well, isn’t this great. Fun. A fun time. Had by all.

BY AGREEING TO THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF alexbroun.com AND PAYING THE DOWNLOAD FEE YOU ARE PERMITTED TO PERFORM THIS PLAY ROYALTY FREE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD FOR A PERIOD OF 12 MONTHS FROM THE DATE OF DOWNLOAD.

IF YOU DO PERFORM THIS PLAY PLEASE VISIT THE WEBSITE AND RECORD THE DETAILS OF YOUR PRODUCTION SO YOUR PRODUCTION CAN BE LISTED AMONGST THE THOUSANDS OF PRODUCTIONS OF ALEX’S WORK WORLDWIDE EVERY YEAR.

FOR ANY QUERIES PLEASE CONTACT THE AUTHOR ON [email protected]