EUELPIDES (to his jay) Do you think I s...

EUELPIDES  (to his jay) Do you think I should walk straight for

yon tree?

PITHETAERUS  (to his crow) Cursed beast, what are you croaking to

me?...to retrace my steps?

EUELPIDES Why, you wretch, we are wandering at random, we are exerting

ourselves only to return to the same spot; we're wasting our time.

PITHETAERUS To think that I should trust to this crow, which has

made me cover more than a thousand furlongs!

EUELPIDES And that I, in obedience to this jay, should have worn

my toes down to the nails!

PITHETAERUS If only I knew where we were....

EUELPIDES Could you find your country again from here?

PITHETAERUS No, I feel quite sure I could not, any more than could

Execestides find his.

EUELPIDES Alas!

PITHETAERUS Aye, aye, my friend, it's surely the road of "alases"

we are following.

EUELPIDES That Philocrates, the bird-seller, played us a scurvy trick,

when he pretended these two guides could help us to find Tereus, the

Epops, who is a bird, without being born of one. He has indeed sold

us this jay, a true son of Tharrhelides, for an obolus, and this crow

for three, but what can they do? Why, nothing whatever but bite and

scratch!  (To his jay)  What's the matter with you then, that you

keep opening your beak? Do you want us to fling ourselves headlong

down these rocks? There is no road that way.

PITHETAERUS Not even the vestige of a trail in any direction

EUELPIDES And what does the crow say about the road to follow?

PITHETAERUS By Zeus, it no longer croaks the same thing it did.

EUELPIDES And which way does it tell us to go now?

PITHETAERUS It says that, by dint of gnawing, it will devour my fingers.

EUELPIDES What misfortune is ours! we strain every nerve to get to

the crows, do everything we can to that end, and we cannot find our

way! Yes, spectators, our madness is quite different from that of

Sacas. He is not a citizen, and would fain be one at any cost; we,

on the contrary, born of an honourable tribe and family and living

in the midst of our fellow-citizens, we have fled from our country

as hard as ever we could go. It's not that we hate it; we recognize

it to be great and rich, likewise that everyone has the right to ruin

himself paying taxes; but the crickets only chirrup among the fig-trees

for a month or two, whereas the Athenians spend their whole lives

in chanting forth judgments from their law-courts. That is why we

started off with a basket, a stew-pot and some myrtle boughs! and

have come to seek a quiet country in which to settle. We are going

to Tereus, the Epops, to learn from him, whether, in his aerial flights,

he has noticed some town of this kind.

PITHETAERUS Here! look!

EUELPIDES What's the matter?

PITHETAERUS Why, the crow has been directing me to something up there

for some time now.

EUELPIDES And the jay is also opening it beak and craning its neck

to show me I know not what. Clearly, there are some birds about here.

We shall soon know, if we kick up a noise to start them.

PITHETAERUS Do you know what to do? Knock your leg against this rock.

EUELPIDES And you your head to double the noise.

PITHETAERUS Well then use a stone instead; take one and hammer with

it.

EUELPIDES Good idea!  (He does so.)  Ho there, within! Slave! slave!

PITHETAERUS What's that, friend! You say, "slave," to summon Epops?

It would be much better to shout, "Epops, Epops!

EUELPIDES Well then, Epops! Must I knock again? Epops!

TROCHILUS  (rushing out of a thicket) Who's there? Who calls my master?

PITHETAERUS  (in terror) Apollo the Deliverer! what an enormous beak!

(He defecates. In the confusion both the jay and the crow fly away.)

TROCHILUS  (equally frightened) Good god! they are bird-catchers.

EUELPIDES  (reassuring himself) But is it so terrible? Wouldn't it

be better to explain things?

TROCHILUS  (also reassuring himself) You're done for.

EUELPIDES But we are not men.

TROCHILUS What are you, then?

EUELPIDES  (defecating also) I am the Fearling, an African bird.

TROCHILUS You talk nonsense.

EUELPIDES Well, then, just ask it of my feet.

TROCHILUS And this other one, what bird is it?  (To PITHETAERUS)

Speak up

PITHETAERUS  (weakly) I? I am a Crapple, from the land of the pheasants.

EUELPIDES But you yourself, in the name of the gods! what animal

are you?

TROCHILUS Why, I am a slave-bird.

EUELPIDES Why, have you been conquered by a cock?

TROCHILUS No, but when my master was turned into a hoopoe, he begged

me to become a bird also, to follow and to serve him.

EUELPIDES Does a bird need a servant, then?

TROCHILUS That's no doubt because he was once a man. At times he

wants to eat a dish of sardines from Phalerum; I seize my dish and

fly to fetch him some. Again he wants some pea-soup; I seize a ladle

and a pot and run to get it.

EUELPIDES This is, then, truly a running-bird. Come, Trochilus, do

us the kindness to call your master.

TROCHILUS Why, he has just fallen asleep after a feed of myrtle-berries

and a few grubs.

EUELPIDES Never mind; wake him up.

TROCHILUS I an; certain he will be angry. However, I will wake him

to please you.  (He goes back into the thicket.)

PITHETAERUS  (as soon as TROCHILUS is out of sight) You cursed brute!

why, I am almost dead with terror!

EUELPIDES Oh! my god! it was sheer fear that made me lose my jay.

PITHETAERUS Ah! you big coward! were you so frightened that you let

go your jay?

EUELPIDES And did you not lose your crow, when you fell sprawling

on the ground? Tell me that.

PITHETAERUS Not at all.

EUELPIDES Where is it, then?

PITHETAERUS It flew away.

EUELPIDES And you did not let it go? Oh! you brave fellow!

Aristophanes, The Birds.

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