(The yellow brick road.) (DOROTHY runs...

(The yellow brick road.)

(DOROTHY runs on, ahead of her dog TOTO.)

DOROTHY: C’mon, Toto! This way! …Toto—c’mon!

(TOTO is played by a person, preferably a large one. He/she runs on all fours. TOTO barks.)

DOROTHY: That’s right, Toto. We’re following the yellow brick road. All the way to Oz!

(They stop at a fork in the road. The SCARECROW is posted up on a stake, his arms outstretched. [He could be on a ladder or chair.] DOROTHY and TOTO don’t notice him.)

DOROTHY: A fork in the road. What do we do?

SCARECROW: You take it.

DOROTHY: (Pretending not to notice:) Hey, who said that!

(TOTO barks at the SCARECROW. There isn’t really much else on stage, so it’s painfully obvious that it is the SCARECROW talking.)

DOROTHY: Toto, it can’t be him. Scarecrows don’t talk.

SCARECROW: I do. I’m a talking scarecrow.

DOROTHY: A talking scarecrow!

SCARECROW: Get me down, will you? I’ve been stuck up here for the longest time!

(DOROTHY helps him down off the post. SCARECROW stretches.)

SCARECROW: Oh, thank you!

DOROTHY: I can’t believe you can walk and talk! Can you, Toto?

(TOTO barks, pulls out some of SCARECROW’s stuffing.)

SCARECROW: Sure, that’s great—except I’m made of hay.

(DOROTHY hands his stuffing back from TOTO.)

SCARECROW: What I really need is a brain.

DOROTHY: What? You don’t have a brain?

SCARECROW: I’m full of nothin’ but stuffin’.

DOROTHY: (To TOTO:) Say, Toto, do you think…

(TOTO barks.)

SCARECROW: How nice, to be able to think…

(TOTO barks.)

DOROTHY: That’s right, Toto. Say Scarecrow, we’re going to see the Wizard of Oz. He’s going to help us get back to Kansas and maybe he can help you, too!

SCARECROW: That’d be great. ‘Cause I really need a brain… If I only had a brain.

(He jumps forward, preparing to sing and dance.)

SCARECROW: (Singing:)

I could while away the hours,

conferrin’ with the flowers

Consultin’ with the rain.

And my head I’d be scratchin’ while

my thoughts were busy hatchin’

If I only—

(TOTO has been barking. DOROTHY grabs SCARECROW’s arm, stops him. Pulling him aside and breaking character:)

DOROTHY: (Aside.) Hey, what are you doing?! You can’t do that!

SCARECROW: (Aside.) Do what?

DOROTHY: Sing.

SCARECROW: Can’t sing?

DOROTHY: No!

SCARECROW: But I’m singing to you about how I feel.

DOROTHY: Well you can’t! This isn’t the musical version.

SCARECROW: Not the musical?

DOROTHY: No. It’s just the play version. Why would you think we’re doing a musical?

SCARECROW: Because I thought all plays had songs? So wait, hold on…you’re telling me that there are plays where people just…talk?

DOROTHY: Of course there are! Like thousands of plays. The majority of plays! THIS PLAY!

SCARECROW: Why!? That’s so stupid! Stages are for singing, Rebecca! Singing and dancing! They’re not…boring…talky talk habidasharies!

DOROTHY: How’d you go this whole time and think we were rehearsing a musical?

SCARECROW: I dunno, I just assumed we’d go home and learn the songs on our own time.

(Beat.)

SCARECROW: What?

DOROTHY: You’re an idiot.

SCARECROW: Look, let me just learn the song and then—

DOROTHY: No, we can’t. We don’t have the rights.

SCARECROW: The rights?

DOROTHY: To the song you’re about to sing. It’s from the movie, we can’t sing any song or do anything that’s from the movie. I mean some lawyer in the audience probably already called the copyright police.

TOTO: It’s infringement of intellectually property.

DOROTHY: That’s right, Toto. No! Stop talking Kevin!

TOTO: Sorry.

SCARECROW: So you mean I learned it for nothin’?

DOROTHY: Yeah, I’m afraid so.

SCARECROW: So how am I supposed to explain my feelings?

DOROTHY: You’re just going to have to tell me. Plain old words. No singing. No music.

SCARECROW: Dancing?

DOROTHY: No dancing either.

SCARECROW: This is going to be so boring.

TOTO: It’s a play. It’s supposed to be a little boring.

DOROTHY: Kevin, stop. (To SCARECROW:) Just trust me, this isn’t my first play. This isn’t even my first lead.

SCARECROW: Okay… (Back in character:) Well like I said. I need a brain.

DOROTHY: Okay…

SCARECROW: That’s pretty much it. Anyway, can you take me to the wizard?

DOROTHY: Sure. Let’s go!

SCARECROW: Okay!

(He puts out his arm, DOROTHY links hers with his. They begin to skip off.)

SCARECROW: (Singing:) We’re off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of—

DOROTHY: (Aside.) Nope!

SCARECROW: (Aside.) Sorry. (As plain spoken as he can:) We’re off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Because, because, because…of the wonderful things he does. (Aside:) Man, these are dumb lyrics without the music. Are you sure I can’t sing like every fifth note?

DOROTHY: No!

(DOROTHY skips off, followed by TOTO barking.)

(SCARECROW mopes off.)

(End of Scene.)

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