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Moaner Lisa

Leonardo: (Realising that she's moved)....

Overview

Show Type
Play
Age Guidance
Thirteen Plus (PG-13)
Genders
  • Female: 1
  • Male: 1
Playing Age
Adult, Mature Adult, Young Adult
Style
Comedic
Length
Short
Time Period
Contemporary
Time/Place
An artist's studio, 1503
Act/Scene
Act 1

Context

Text

Leonardo: (Realising that she's moved). Please, Mrs… Lisa. You need to sit down… here… And not move.

Lisa sits back down and assumes the pose. She begins juggling the apple in her hands.

Lisa: Our home could do with a good coat of paint.

Leonardo: Ha, I'm not that kind of painter… A portrait painter. You know… Faces of kings and queens and popes and… (The apple flies out of Lisa's hands and is caught by Leonardo) …Jesus Christ! Look, Mrs Del Giocondo...

Lisa: …Lisa.

Leonardo: Mrs Lisa, I need you to sit and do… (Firmly) nothing.

Lisa: Loud noises bring on my Tonsillitis.

Leonardo: Shh.

Lisa: …Or was it Tinnitus?

(Leonardo begins applying brush strokes).

(After a few moments, Lisa speaks).

Lisa: Are you finished yet?

(Leonardo ignores her and continues painting).

Lisa: Have you finished yet?

(Leonardo continues painting).

Lisa: Have you…

Leonardo: …Moan, moan, moan… it’s a wonder people don’t call you, “Moaner Lisa!”

Lisa: (Disapproving) Huh! I'm a very sick woman, you know. (Dramatically places her hands on her chest) Oh, I'm think I'm having another heart attack.

Leonardo: Look, I'm trying to paint your mouth, so if you could just… refrain from talking.

Lisa: I think my heart’s stop beating.

Leonardo: Shh.

Lisa: (Dramatically) I'm about to drop dead… any… second… now…

Leonardo: Good!

Lisa: (Shocked by his reply, Lisa holds her breath and puffs out her cheeks).

(Leonardo ignores at her and continues painting).

Lisa: (After a dramatic pause) Porrrr. (Let's out her air and takes a big breath).

(Leonardo looks at her, shakes his head and continues painting).

Lisa: (A few moments later) Have you finished yet?

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