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101 Breakups

**Lettuce breakup, please** (A supermar...

Overview

Show Type
Play
Age Guidance
Youth (Y)/General Audiences (G)
Characters
Genders
  • Female: 0
  • Male: 0
Playing Age
Late Teen, Young Adult, Adult, Mature Adult
Style
Comedic
Length
Short
Time Period
Contemporary
Time/Place
Present Day
Act/Scene
Act 1

Context

Text

Lettuce breakup, please

(A supermarket. A GUY is looking at the lettuce stand. A GIRL sees him, studies him, gets closer.)

GIRL: In the market for some lettuce?

(The GUY looks up, confused.)

GUY: Uh yeah, I guess. Do you work here?

GIRL: What? Guy, it’s me. Girl. Random girl you dated that you don’t even remember because you totally forgot to break up with her and now think she works in a supermarket.

GUY: Oh hi.

GIRL: Yeah, hi.

GUY: So you don’t work here.

GIRL: No!

GUY: You have like the same color shirt.

GIRL: (Realizing this is actually true:) Oh. Well I don’t have a name tag or an apron thingy and no, I don’t work in a supermarket which you would know if you broke up with me.

GUY: Why would I know that if I broke up with you?

GIRL: I don’t know! Maybe we kept in touch!

GUY: Why?

GIRL: I don’t know. Why didn’t you break up with me?

GUY: I didn’t?

GIRL: No. You didn’t.

GUY: Oops.

GIRL: Wow great excuse.

GUY: Sorry.

GIRL: Fine. Is that it?

GUY: I don’t know. Why did we break up?

GIRL: I don’t know. I thought you really liked me.

GUY: I did. I do. I mean, you look cute. Even in that supermarket shirt. Like if you were working here I’d try and get your number.

GIRL: I don’t work here. I’m not going to.

GUY: That’s up to you. Obviously. I don’t even know if they’re hiring.

GIRL: I’m…going to go.

GUY: Oh ok. Can I like…call you?

GIRL: I’ll tell you what… I’ll call you. Tonight. Actually I’ll meet you. Here. At the lettuce section. In three months or so.

GUY: Wait…what.

GIRL: Stay near the lettuce, guy. Stay near the lettuce.

GUY: Uh. Okay. I will.

(The GIRL leaves, with a smile.)

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