STREPSIADES Alas! what a calamity! what...

STREPSIADES Alas! what a calamity! what will become of me? I am undone if I do not learn how to ply my tongue. Oh! Clouds! give me good advice.

CHORUS-LEADER Old man, we counsel you, if you have brought up a son, to send him to learn in your stead.

STREPSIADES Undoubtedly I have a son, as well endowed as the best, but he is unwilling to learn. What will become of me?

CHORUS-LEADER And you don't make him obey you?

STREPSIADES You see, he is big and strong; moreover, through his mother he is a descendant of those fine birds, the race of Coesyra. Nevertheless, I will go and find him, and if he refuses, I will turn him out of the house. Go in, Socrates, and wait for me awhile.

[SOCRATES goes into the Thoughtery, STREPSIADES into his own house.]

CHORUS [singing] Do you understand, Socrates, that thanks to us you will be loaded with benefits? Here is a man, ready to obey you in all things. You see how he is carried away with admiration and enthusiasm. Profit by it to clip him as short as possible; fine chances are all too quickly gone.

STREPSIADES coming out of his house and pushing his son in front of him No, by the Clouds! you stay here no longer; go and devour the ruins of your uncle Megacles' fortune.

PHIDIPPIDES Oh! my poor father! what has happened to you? By the Olympian Zeus! You are no longer in your senses!

STREPSIADES Look! "the Olympian Zeus." Oh! you fool! to believe in Zeus at your age!

PHIDIPPIDES What is there in that to make you laugh?

STREPSIADES You are then a tiny little child, if you credit such antiquated rubbish! But come here, that I may teach you; I will tell you something very necessary to know to be a man; but do not repeat it to anybody.

PHIDIPPIDES Tell me, what is it?

STREPSIADES Just now you swore by Zeus.

PHIDIPPIDES Sure I did.

STREPSIADES Do you see how good it is to learn? Phidippides, there is no Zeus.

PHIDIPPIDES What is there then?

STREPSIADES The Whirlwind has driven out Zeus and is King now.

PHIDIPPIDES What drivel!

STREPSIADES You must realize that it is true.

PHIDIPPIDES And who says so?

STREPSIADES Socrates, the Melian, and Chaerephon, who knows how to measure the jump of a flea.

PHIDIPPIDES Have you reached such a pitch of madness that you believe those bilious fellows?

STREPSIADES Use better language, and do not insult men who are clever and full of wisdom, who, to economize, never shave, shun the gymnasia and never go to the baths, while you, you only await my death to eat up my wealth. But come, come as quickly as you can to learn in my stead.

PHIDIPPIDES And what good can be learnt of them?

STREPSIADES What good indeed? Why, all human knowledge. Firstly, you will know yourself grossly ignorant. But await me here awhile. [He goes back into his house.]

PHIDIPPIDES Alas! what is to be done? Father has lost his wits. Must I have him certificated for lunacy, or must I order his coffin?

Aristophanes, The Clouds, [(http://classics.mit.edu/Aristophanes/clouds.html)]