CHRISTIAN That was awkward. CYRANO So...

CHRISTIAN

That was awkward.

CYRANO

So’s this.

CHRISTIAN

Who do you think will be going?

CYRANO

Depends if he wants to keep to protocol. Or if he wants to be a—well, a Montfleury, and make a point.

CYRANO & CHRISTIAN

Probably the latter.

CHRISTIAN

So he’d send you?

CYRANO

And Ligniere.

CHRISTIAN

What does he have against you?

CYRANO

It’s a long story, for not a lot of difference.

CHRISTIAN

Are you nervous?

CYRANO Not in the least. It’ll be good to escape. He won’t be sending himself, so that’ll be a nice reprieve. What about you? It’d be your first time out if you managed to make the cut.

CHRISTIAN

Nervous is a good word, I think? I don’t know. We just got the news, so…

(Silence.)

CYRANO

I’m sorry.

CHRISTIAN

For what?

CYRANO

Earlier today. And every day. I shouldn’t be so hard on you.

CHRISTIAN

I get it. I’m new.

CYRANO

It’s not that, uhm… it doesn’t matter. Your father was a good man.

CHRISTIAN

You knew him?

CYRANO

Of course. Served together. What happened… wasn’t his fault. You’re lucky to be his son.

CHRISTIAN

Thank you.

CYRANO

Too bad he still owed money to the state, though. You shouldn’t be forced to—

CHRISTIAN

He didn’t owe any money.

CYRANO

Sure he did. He said—

CHRISTIAN

My grandfather owns land all over. We have plenty of money.

CYRANO

But your dad said—

CHRISTIAN

He worried people would think he was privileged, so he said he joined to pay off a federal loan.

CYRANO

Then why are you here?

CHRISTIAN

I don’t know. Just seemed like the thing to do. I want a make a difference, you know?

CYRANO

That’s some straight-up Hallmark stuff.

CHRISTIAN

What?

CYRANO

Nothing.

(Beat.)

Well, it’ll be nice to leave. Get away from everything. And it’s not like I have anything to stay for.

CHRISTIAN

What do you mean? There’s Donna, and Roxane. And Roxane is pretty attractive.

CYRANO

So you’d prefer to stay here with her?

CHRISTIAN

I mean, yeah, if I’m already going to be here, might as well see her.

CYRANO

(Gets carried away)

Might as well? Might as well? You shouldn’t spend time with someone just because you can. You either like being with them, or you don’t; and if you float in between, you don’t deserve them.

CHRISTIAN

That didn’t come off how I meant it.

CYRANO

I bet it didn’t.

CHRISTIAN

I don’t just see her, or anyone, as filler. She’s beautiful. And I don’t mean on the outside.

CYRANO

So she’s ugly?

CHRISTINA

No! Her outside is great! I mean her inside!

CYRANO

You talk of her like she’s a house to decorate and fill.

CHRISTIAN

I’d love to fill her house.

CYRANO

What?

CHRISTIAN

Nothing. I need to go.

CYRANO

What do you want from her?

CHRISTIAN

Nothing. I was just trying to say that I’d love to… never mind. This is stupid.

CYRANO

Love to what?

CHRISTIAN

It doesn’t matter!

(He goes to exit.)

CYRANO

Roxane loves you.

CHRISTIAN

What are you playing at?

CYRANO

Nothing, but the truth.

CHRISTIAN

Honestly?

CYRANO

There’s nothing more dangerous, and I don’t play at it idly.

CHRISTIAN

She told you this?

CYRANO

And more.

CHRISTIAN

Why? Who cares why? How long has she felt this way?

CYRANO

Since she read your letter.

CHRISTIAN

What letter?

CYRANO

The one she took from me that I said was from you.

CHRISTIAN

What kind of letter?

CYRANO

A love letter. Mostly poetry.

CHRISTIAN

So she thinks I’m a poet?

CYRANO

The best.

CHRISTIAN

Well, that joy was short-lived.

CYRANO

No! She loves you for who she thinks you are, and adores all the more the words she thinks are yours.

CHRISTIAN

But if she expects those words, she’s not going to like the garbage that comes out.

CYRANO

You’re not so bad.

(They share a look.)

Yeah, you’re awful.

CHRISTIAN

You could teach me!

CYRANO

Teach you what? Poetry?

CHRISTIAN

Yes! She loves your words, so just teach them to me!

CYRANO

It’s not that easy.

CHRISTIAN

Is it different because this would be for Roxane?

CYRANO

That helps, actually.

CHRISTIAN

She’s beautiful, isn’t she?

CYRANO

Soothing to hear.

CHRISTIAN

Gorgeous.

CYRANO

Gentle in one moment, rigidly cunning in the next.

CHRISTIAN

So pretty.

CYRANO

With a great capacity for crazy.

CHRISTIAN

What?

CYRANO

A healthy level.

CHRISTIAN

Who? Not Roxane, but—oh! You mean your love?

CYRANO

Uhm—yes. I mean, a love can’t be all face, and no body.

CHRISTIAN

Depends on the face. Whose body are you talking about?

CYRANO

What? Uh—no one.

CHRISTIAN

Come on. Tell me! Does he know you love him?

CYRANO

No. He’s not interested, he’s a she, and she’s my cousin. It’s complicated.

CHRISTIAN

Even with poetry?

CYRANO

That can’t overcome some things.

CHRISTIAN

Like what?

CHRISTIAN

Like you don’t know.

CHRISTIAN

I don’t know what—

CYRANO

Don’t lie!

CHRISTIAN

About what?

CYRANO

(Referencing her nose)

This!

CHRISTIAN

It’s not that bad.

CYRANO

I once killed a man with an Eskimo kiss. Beyond this moai, my skin is rough, my hourglass has no sand...

CHRISTIAN

It’s not the size of your nose that matters, but what’s inside. Wait. I mean—

CYRANO

See? Everyone does it. It just happens! I’m a joke, not a… Do I look like someone who has admirers? Someone who gets looks from across the room? Someone you’d even think to give flowers, or ask on a walk? Do I look like—

CHRISTIAN

Roxane?

CYRANO

Yes!

CHRISTIAN

No.

CYRANO

No! I’m not! I’m more Adonis than Madonna, less Adonis than Achilles, and all the more the heel.

CHRISTIAN

I don’t know what that meant, so it was probably really clever.

CYRANO

Just… nevermind.

CHRISTIAN

How can I help?

CYRANO

You can’t. No one can. Just… leave. Please.

CHRISTIAN

But I—

CYRANO

Go!

(He goes to exit, but then doesn’t. He decides, instead, to sit by CYRANO.)

What?

CHRISTIAN

Not being someone else doesn’t mean that you aren’t beautiful.

CYRANO

I told you to leave.

CHRISTIAN

Just because you said it doesn’t make it the right thing to do.

(They sit in silence for a moment. CHRISTIAN gives CYRANO his coat, places his hand kindly on hers, or otherwise makes it known nonverbally that he’s there for her.)

CYRANO

I can see it.

CHRISTIAN

Hmm?

CYRANO

Nothing.

(They share a moment.)

You’ll never win Roxane over sitting here with me.

(CYRANO gets up, and goes to exit.)

Well? Aren’t you coming?

CHRISTIAN

You mean you’ll—

CYRANO

Come on! Walk, and talk. Let’s get this started before I change my mind.

(They exit.)

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