AMY Who are you?! WILL Who art thou?...

AMY

Who are you?!

WILL

Who art thou?

KATE

Who goes there?

LEXY

Man, you scared the crap out of us!

KATE

Be thou a spirit of health or goblin damn'd?

AMY

It's okay, I think they're from the other production that got cancelled.

WILL

By heaven I charge thee speak!

LEXY

We just came back to get her stuff.

WILL

These are the very spirits I told you of.

LEXY

What?

AMY

This is mine, you can't have any.

LEXY

They came here for your hand sanitizer. Unbelievable.

AMY

Sorry, pal, you have to get your own. This is ours.

WILL

What strange elixir is this?

LEXY

Don't you know...?

Kate and Will come a little closer.

KATE

I have never seen the like.

AMY

Um... Lexy...

LEXY

Who are you guys?

WILL

I am Will. This is my theater.

AMY

Will. He said Will. He's--

LEXY

Look at their clothes.

KATE

Look at your clothes.

LEXY

Hey, I got this on sale.

KATE

You did? Where? It's so hard to find decent--

WILL

What are you doing here? This theater is closed.

AMY

Um... I left something here... accidentally.

LEXY

She an actor here!

WILL

She is? I think not.

AMY

Why not? I went to Juilliard!

WILL

You're a woman. Women can't do theatre. It's unbecoming.

LEXY

Oh, Christ. It's one of those men's movement dudes.

AMY

I don't think so. I think-- Um... just out of curiousity... why is this theater closed?

WILL

You know!

AMY

Just tell me.

KATE

Tis the pestilence.

WILL

The vile disease.

KATE

The Black Death.

WILL

The Great Infection.

KATE

Y'know--

WILL

The plague.

LEXY

Yeah. We know. That's why her production got cancelled too.

AMY

Um... I don't think they mean the Coronavirus.

WILL

The what?

KATE

The who?

AMY

They mean... the plague. The real plague.

LEXY

Oh. Oh.

AMY

And he's William Shakespeare.

WILL

You know me?

LEXY

We've...um... heard of you.

Amy goes to shake his hand. Lexy stops her.

LEXY (CONT'D)

What are you doing? He could have the plague!

AMY

No, Shakespeare did not die of the plague. Her, on the other hand, I wouldn't touch.

KATE

Why you little trollop!

WILL

Be ye soothsayers? Tell me more!

AMY

Haha... no... just... I get these hunches... premonitions. But I have to say, it's an honor to meet you, Sir. Big fan. Huge, huge fan.

KATE

(pulling out a small collapsible fan) I only have this smallish one...

AMY

No... oh, honey.

LEXY

So you're saying he's...

AMY

Uh huh.

LEXY

But how... why... ?

AMY

Many things can happen in a theater when the Ghost Light is lit.

WILL

You may not be a sooth sayer, but you say the sooth. Oh, I should write that down.

AMY

Hey... may I just... take your hand?

WILL

My hand? But why--?

AMY

I just want to thank you. You've been... (pointing to the ghost light)... a light in the darkness.

She takes his hand in hers.

AMY (CONT'D)

Thanks for everything.

She does a brief little dance with him.

KATE

Hey! Strumpet!

LEXY

What are you doing?

AMY

Sorry, I can't resist. I mean, when shall we three meet again?

WILL

In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

KATE

Four. There are four of--

WILL

Wait, that's good. I've got to write that down. A pen! My kingdom for a pen.

LEXY

Oh I've got one.

She hands him a modern ballpoint pen. Will looks at it like he's never seen one before, which he hasn't.

LEXY (CONT'D)

You just click the button at the top, and the point comes out.

Will clicks it a few times.

WILL

O brave new world, that has such wonders in it!

LEXY

Yeah, there are...pens now.

WILL

Thank you.

AMY

Wait... I want to give you something.

LEXY

Amy... no! We need it!

AMY

They need it more.

Lexy gives her a pleading look. Amy does a "balancing scales" gesture.

AMY

Plague, Coronavirus.

LEXY

Oh alright.

AMY

Okay. Um. Will. May I call you Will?

WILL

'Tis my name.

AMY

(squeaking it) I get to call him Will! (then, handing him the bottle of hand-sanitizer) Here... this is a... potion... kind of a magic potion. You press down on this and put a little bit on your hand.

She puts some on his hand.

AMY (CONT'D)

Just a bit. Don't use too much, because you won't be able to get any more for another 400 years or so.

She squirts some on Kate's hand too.

AMY

Rub it all over your hands. There... now any pestilence... any plague... is gone.

WILL

Banished?

LEXY

Dead.

AMY

This will protect you.

KATE

Look whereupon it vanishes by itself!

WILL

It's magic.

KATE

I now regret calling you trollop and a strumpet.

AMY

Don't worry about it.

LEXY

And wash your hands. A lot.

AMY

And practice social distancing.

LEXY

Maybe work from home for a bit.

WILL

How can I ever repay you?

AMY

How about you put me in one of your plays?

WILL

Certainly! What's your name?

AMY

...Desdemona.

WILL

Hmm... yes... I can work with that.

Kate and Will exit.

LEXY

Why did you say that?

AMY

Come on, would Othello really date an "Amy"?

For licensing/performance inquiries, please contact [email protected]