Overview
- Female: 2
- Male: 0
Context
Mass hysteria has hit the nation. All the streaming services have suddenly disappeared and the country is panicking. In the midst of the chaos Sylvia, an energetic woman in her eighties, dies in her sleep and passes over to the other side. She meets the strict, non-nonsense angel, Purell, who has come to guide her to the light. Initially, Sylvia has no idea that she has died and she is increasingly confused by her conversation with Purell.
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SYLVIA
Hello? Is anyone out there?
Sylvia, restless, stands up on the bed and yells again.
SYLVIA (CONT'D)
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here! Hello?!
Sylvia begins lightly jumping up and down on the bed.
SYLVIA (CONT'D)
Wow. Such a firm mattress. Very nice.
Sylvia beings jumping more enthusiastically on the bed.
SYLVIA (CONT'D) Oh my! I haven’t done this in decades! Weeeeeee!
A woman strict, no nonsense woman in her 20s, PURELL, shows up with a clipboard in hand.
PURELL
(dry) What fun.
Sylvia stops jumping, startled.
SYLVIA
Oh! You scared me. I thought I was alone.
PURELL
Yes we often think that, but it’s rarely the case.
SYLVIA
I don’t know what happened. One minute I was watching the news...
PURELL
Oh, the news! Such a panic right now.
SYLVIA
I know. It’s terrible!
PURELL
It’s unbelievable. Nothing like this has ever happened before.
SYLVIA
So strange.
PURELL
All at once.
SYLVIA
I thought it was a fluke, but we’re two weeks in and still...
PURELL
All of them, gone.
SYLVIA
No Netflix...
PURELL
No Amazon Prime, no Hulu...
SYLVIA
Even YouTube!
PURELL
All streaming services, down.
SYLVIA
Mass hysteria.
PURELL
A panic. But this moment will pass.
SYLVIA
I hope so.
PURELL
You were saying, you were watching the news...
SYLVIA
Ah, yes. I was watching the latest about the streaming drought... and then I drifted off to sleep. I was sleeping, dreaming peacefully and when I woke up, I was here in this empty department store.
Sylvia climbs off the bed and puts her hand out to shake.
SYLVIA (CONT'D)
I’m Sylvia, by the way.
Purell does not accept the hand.
PURELL
I know who you are. I’m sorry, I do not shake hands.
Purell bows dramatically.
SYLVIA
Oh, I get it. Germaphobic.
PURELL
Germ-aware.
SYLVIA
I see.
Sylvia bows.
SYLVIA (CONT'D)
Nice to meet you...
PURELL
Purell.
Sylvia cracks up.
PURELL (CONT'D)
Did I say something humorous?
SYLVIA
You’re named after a hand sanitizer and you don’t shake hands because of germs. Ironic, don’t you think?
PURELL
I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Sylvia rummages through her bag and pulls out a bottle of Purell and hands it to Purell.
SYLVIA
This.
Purell takes the bottle and studies it.
PURELL
Hmmm. Interesting.
Purell opens the bottle and begins drinking it.
SYLVIA
No! What are you doing?
Sylvia snatches the bottle back.
PURELL
Was that incorrect?
SYLVIA
Drinking hand sanitizer? Yes, I’d say that is incorrect. Why would you do that?
PURELL
It’s a liquid in a tiny bottle with my name on it.
SYLVIA
And?
PURELL
The last time I was on earth I was at a baby shower and we were given party favors with our names on the of tiny baby bottles with a liquid inside and we were instructed to drink it.
SYLVIA
Last time on earth? What are you talking about?
PURELL
It was delicious.
SYLVIA
Are you okay? Should I call someone? Where’s your phone?
PURELL
Mimosas.
SYLVIA
Excuse me?
PURELL
In the tiny bottles. They were mimosas.
SYLVIA
Okay, I’m not sure what’s going on here but this conversation is making me uncomfortable.
Purell hands the hand sanitizer back to Sylvia.
PURELL
Hand sanitizer? I don’t understand the necessity. Earth has water and soap. Just wash your hands.
SYLVIA
It’s about convenience.
PURELL
You’re right, laziness.
SYLVIA
No, I didn’t say that, I said...
PURELL
(quickly)
...In the interest of time I’ll get right to it: you’re dead, died in your sleep, lucky you, I’m an angel here to greet you and walk you towards the light so you can choose your next life and get on with things and speaking of getting on with things let us do that now because I am a very busy angel with many dead folks to deal with today.
Sylvia sits back down on the bed. She takes a moment to take in what she just heard.
SYLVIA
Dead? But... but, I feel so alive.
Purell laughs.
SYLVIA (CONT'D)
Did I say something humorous?
PURELL
Oh. I’m sorry. I thought we were laughing at irony.
SYLVIA
You’re an angel.
PURELL
Thank you.
SYLVIA
No, I mean, I’m asking you... are you an actual angel?
PURELL
Actually, yes, I am an actual angel.
SYLVIA
Wow.
PURELL Wow indeed. Now, let us get this party started.
Links
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